That's Beautiful, But It's Not For Me

Once I was talking with an RCIA class alongside a Dominican brother and a Jesuit scholastic.

It sounds like a bad joke, but bear with me.

Dominicans and Jesuits both have a very developed spirituality and modes of prayer that are distinctive to their orders. The RCIA participants wanted to know what each thought of the other - dangerous question.
The Dominican brother glanced at the Jesuit, took a breath, and said the Jesuit spirituality is beautiful "but it's not for me."

"That's beautiful, but it's not for me."

I think this phrase is key.
To ending the mommy wars.
To lessening our anxiety.
To passing on the comparison game.

It acknowledges the Good

So often we try to defend why we don't do something by tearing down the choices of others. Saying things about why homeschooling, breastfeeding, day care, gluten-free, etc. is THE WAY and anything else is lesser. Or at least not ideal.

However, no one makes the choices they do just for kicks. There are reasons and purpose behind them. There is a beauty whenever something fits a person. Acknowledging that what someone is doing has that beauty is powerful for a very simple reason.

It releases us from the grip of Envy

Envy cannot live with beauty. Envy wants to be ugly. Envy wants to rip beauty from others and gobble it down to never see the light of day.

Envy is what causes you to avoid that one friend you keep comparing yourself against.
Envy is what tells you that someone's pretty pictures on Instagram are the real reason you are unhappy.
Envy says you are never enough.

Beauty says you are each doing your best.
Beauty says you are enough.
Beauty says you can be so much more yourself when you turn toward the light.

It respects our own gifts, choices, and needs

Saying "That's beautiful, but it's not for me" respects that you have made different choices because you have your own set of gifts, choices, and needs. That those aspects of you and your life are valid. That you don't need to run after every bright, shiny, thing that might just be the "best thing ever" for your friend.

This saying notices that preferences are ok. That God gave you the taste he did for a reason.
It allows the reality that some things are easier for some people than others. That some things might rank high on another person's "need" list, but not even make an appearance on yours.

You're off the hook! You both are!

"That's beautiful, but it's not for me" is how friends can be friends without being clones.

What do you think of this phrase? Have you used something similar?