7 Quick Takes with This Ain't the Lyceum

It's been a busy few weeks around here!

1

This little lady was born!

Meet Felicity Anne

2

I'm hoping to get her birth story written up this weekend, but here's some short stats for the meantime:

Born on October 5

9lb 10oz and 21in

14 hour labor

1st water birth 

2nd home birth

EDIT: Finished her birth story! 

3

She's been a hit with her big siblings.

4

Matt has done a great job stepping in as homeschool teacher.

The kids think it's really cool because "Dad's never taught anyone before!"

Not true, he taught college students when he was in grad school, but John and Therese are likely his youngest pupils.

I am grateful we decided to enroll in Mother of Divine Grace this year. Getting to quickly print out a checklist of what needs to be done has made it fantastically easier to hand over the homeschool reins.

5

I have been making great use out of my postpartum kit!

The surprise rock star of the postpartum recovery time did not even make the original list.

One Christmas my mom gave all her daughters (and son-in-law) YETI ramblers with personalized decals. They are fabulous for hanging out by the lake, but I did get a ton of use out of mine until now.

It has a lid that does not involve messing with straws, and insulated enough to keep things at the temperature I want = perfect for postpartum.

6

It's getting chilly at night here so we've been having some snuggly evenings here in Minnesota!

The other day we had a fire in the fireplace and made some s'mores. The next morning John informed me that we got to have s'mores because "it was the feast day... of the STAR WARS!....So kids can have s'mores for the star wars." 

Bigger Sci-Fi nerds than I, who would be the patron of Star Wars if you could pick? 

I feel like it should be a Capuchin saint. They already have the Jedi robe thing going on.

7

I am looking forward to finding our new groove with three littles in the house, but I am also looking forward to getting to enjoy our first true Fall!

My mom will be visiting in time for Halloween and this will be our kids first year trick or treating. I don't want to miss it, but that also means I should figure out a warm enough baby wearing costume.

It's going to be a dark hole of Pinteresting and it'll be awesome!

I might do a Tolkien inspired costume just to get to use one of these amazing Middle Earth themed baby wraps.

Thworted in My Reasonable Expectations

In case you haven't figured it out from the lack of baby arrival announcement on social media, baby has not been born yet. It's only a few days past due date, but it very quickly felt like time was moving at me.

We all know the feeling of a hope, a prayer, that gets the answer "not yet". I've found the hardest to accept of those "not yet" responses are the ones that come for those hopes that were reasonable expectations.
These are not things that were a stretch or outside of normal.
These were things that seemed almost like certainties.

Not getting the promotion at work even after great reviews from your boss and a steady track record.

Not being welcomed into your neighborhood mom group even though these ladies have seemed perfectly friendly before.

Not finding "Mr. Right" by 35 even with a clearly discerned vocation to marriage.

These are the things that can rile us. The things that make you want to shake your fists at the heavens and demand an answer.

"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)

There's my answer. This is not up to me. This is not even up for my understanding.
Everything in me wants to say "I know, but....". That's normal and that's ok, but I'm not going to find peace that way. Peace will come when I stop riling against the injustice of the situation and start noticing the graces present in the situation.

Here are some of the graces of having a baby taking her sweet time finding her birthday:

Giving those little lungs lots of time to be ready for the hard work of breathing.

Giving me more time to shower my 5 and 3 year old with mommy attention.

Giving my husband and I extra evenings of at home date nights that are so much easier when all kids are capable of going to bed and staying in bed.

Giving me the opportunity to be physically uncomfortable and have something to offer up for others.

That there is still nothing wrong with me or baby, just her needing a little more time in utero, is something to be grateful for - even with the aches of late pregnancy. This is nothing I can't handle. God knows it, I know it, I just have to accept it.

The Last Weekend - An Approach to the Final Weeks of Pregnancy

Here we are - the final weeks of pregnancy.
The postpartum kit is made, labor stuff gathered, prayer intentions getting compiled. The preparations for a birth are a good distraction from the waiting game for a good while, but they end eventually.

So what is there left to do? We make these last weeks, when we could be sitting around twiddling our thumbs waiting for contractions to hit, into an adventure. I call it "The Last Weekend".

Getting to see the T. Rex. in the Life Sciences building at UC Berkeley the day before Therese was born.

The basic premise is approaching each weekend we have before baby is born as potentially the last weekend. The physical fact is I'm not getting any more comfortable just sitting around at home. Last Weekend means I have to get up and get moving.

At Fort Snelling labeling herself a malingerer in the guard house.
Her other options were thief or deserter. I'd go with malingerer too. 

Last Weekend gives us opportunity as a family to have those bigger adventures we might not be able to do for a few months with a newborn. John now associates the last weeks before a baby sibling is born as "adventure time with Mom and Dad". 

I want them to think of having a new sibling as a positive thing. My attention is very divided in the early weeks with a new baby, so this opportunity to embrace my kids as they are right now is a gift that is not going to come around again.

Minnesota State Fair. Corn dogs and fried oreos were had, and both had their first time on a ferris wheel.

The Last Weekend adventures do not need to be expensive. You might have noticed by now that I call anything out of our usual routine an "adventure". 

That means walking down the street to the pond is an adventure.

Trying out a new park is an adventure.

Having a picnic and camp out in the backyard is an adventure.

It's all about perspective.

Do you do anything special with older siblings before a new baby is born?

Spiritual Preparation for Labor and Childbirth

Somewhere in the last six weeks of pregnancy I hit a wall.

 An "I'm-so-done-with-feeling-huge-and-I-just-want-someone-else-to-hold-the-baby-for-a-minute" wall.

When that wall comes up, I need to shift my focus from my physical discomforts and pay attention to my spiritual preparation for labor and birth. These are just some of the things I have tried in the past, I would love to hear about other practices you use to spiritually prepare for labor!

Mother Blessing

It is very popular to have parties/gatherings to celebrate a new baby, even outside of the traditional baby shower. Past my first kid there really was not much I needed in terms of baby supplies. But I did need prayers and emotional support!

We had a mother blessing with our second child. The Book of Blessings has various forms of this depending on if it is led by a priest, deacon, or lay person - for a group, single couple, or just one mother. One of my good friends led the blessing, we made prayer cards for the baby, pregnancy, and birth, and lit prayer intention candles for each card. (I planned to use the candles during the birth, as a sort of relighting of the prayer, but labor had other ideas.)

I am hoping to make the group mother blessing our parish's Pro-life Committee sponsors, but that might depend on when baby decides to be born!

Prayer Cards from near and far

I found the prayer cards to be a wonderful way to connect with female friends and family who live far away! We decorated our cards at the blessing, and my mom, sisters, and far away friends mailed me their cards. I hung them up where I was likely to spend a good amount of my labor, and I kept them up through baby's first year.

She still has a stack of beautiful prayers in her baby box she will be able to look back on when she's older. I love the idea of a physical reminder for that baby to be able to see how many people were welcoming her, even if they lived far way.

Offering up Labor 

I have had very predictable twelve hour labors so far. That leaves a lot of time for prayer!
Bringing prayer intentions into labor helps me keep my mind off the pain. It is my greatest chunk of time to use as non-stop prayer, and, let's me honest, there's a lot of "offer it up" material!

In my last weeks of pregnancy I collect prayer intentions into one condensed list. I'm hoping to make this baby's list a little nicer looking than my previous loose-leaf binder paper lists.
(Bullet journal people - y'all seem good at making lists pretty. Ideas?)

36 Weeks! #MySundayBest with A Blog For My Mom

If you have a prayer intention for me, leave a comment or send me a message or email! (underthyroof at gmail dot com) I'm due September 23rd, but baby could come anytime starting Saturday so send them as soon as you can so I don't run out of time!

Do you do any spiritual preparation for labor and birth?

Spiritual Hacks for Life with Kids

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

We're on the edge of Fall! Some people do New Year's Resolutions, but for me Fall has always been the time for new beginnings. This is when I look back and see what has been working, what needs to be readjusted, and maybe where some priorities are getting forgotten.

Priorities like....having a prayer life?

With tiny people underfoot most of the day, it can be reeeeaaaallllyyy hard to give prayer the pride of place it deserves in my day. But it's a new season and a new chance to try something new and see if it sticks. Here are some of the ways I'm getting in spiritual time while having kids around 24/7.

1

Take advantage of the kid friendly prayer options

Our parish has a children's holy hour every Wednesday morning in the adoration chapel. Getting a chance to go to adoration and not worry too much about disturbing others is such a blessing!

Growing up, my mom would take all of us kids to her weekly rosary group. It was a group of moms and kids who gathered in one side of the church every Friday to say the rosary together. Not a lot of planning needed, and nobody minded if a baby needed to be soothed or a toddler never stopped organizing the hymnals.

If there is not an offering at your parish, or one nearby, start your own! It doesn't take a lot to invite a family or two over for rosary time. Don't worry about making it perfect or having a spic and span house. Your effort counts!

2

Make it a routine

When I look at what consistently happens in my prayer life, even in the busy times, it's the things that I do as a matter of routine. We always make it to mass on Sunday's because that's just what we do on Sunday mornings. Blessings before meals are part of the ritual of mealtimes in our house.

One thing we have started with the new school year is having rosary time. About 3pm has worked well. It's post-nap and afternoon snack and the kids have had a little free time. I light a candle on the mantle, hand out rosaries, and roll with it. It's not always easy, but getting started is most of the battle for me.

3

 Embrace the wiggles

A rosary takes about 20 minutes and you can bet there are wiggles! Lots and lots of wiggles. 

So we have embraced the wiggles.

One technique that works well with my kids is having "walking mysteries". Every other mystery we pace the length of the room with each Hail Mary. Now we have lots of ground rules to keep this from devolving into racing and running into things:

1. If you get to the end of the room early, you still have to wait for the next Hail Mary to start for the other side.

2. No touching anyone

3. Rosaries need to be held nicely (not hitting objects or people.)

Breaking the rules gets a quick warning. If the rules are broken 3 times, we sit down for the rest of that mystery. It did not take the kids long to figure out life is a lot more fun if you follow the ground rules.

4

Invest in some good children's religious books

I'm talking books with good art, lots of pictures, and are well written. Check out Mater Amabilis or Mother of Divine Grace to see some recommendations for liturgical year or saint books that are age appropriate for your kids.

They are fantastic to bring to mass, adoration, to have on hand for feast days, or just to read aloud and get your kids more familiar with bible stories, saints, and the meaning behind Catholic traditions.

5

Lower your expectations

I say lower because I seem to fall into the trap of expecting higher level behavior than what is reasonable when it comes to prayer time. 

Define what counts as "good behavior". Is it sitting in one spot? Staying in the pew? Making an effort at whispering in church? Kids cannot meet expectations if they are not clearly defined and communicated.

For rosary time I ask that everyone pick their spot at the beginning of each mystery, and no rosaries in months or on feet.

For mass I ask that everyone stay in the pew, my 3ish and ups follow along with the stand, sit, kneel times, and all questions be whispered. 

In Therese's case, keeping her non-stop commentary and free association whispered is her doing well. For John I have a rule about not putting himself to sleep during mass on purpose. 

Different kids have different struggles.

6

Explain as you go

It's very hard for kids to behave well if they do not understand what is happening. I do a quick little explanation of each mystery as we say the rosary, point out what part of the mass we are doing right now, and teach them the words for liturgical objects.

7

Do it anyway

We have had masses in which I completely missed the homily because I was taking the toddler to the potty for what felt like the billionth time. Rosaries that got interrupted so many times I wanted to quit. 

But I make myself do prayer anyway.

Sometimes showing up is the prayer. Even if I'm just showing up to the rosary in my living room. I don't let a bad experience the day before prevent me from trying again today. The kids will not get better at prayer without practice, and everyone needs another chance to get it together. - including me.

What are some of your tips and tricks for praying with kids around?

Postpartum Lessons + What's in My Postpartum Kit

The greatest lesson I learned from giving birth to my first baby was that birth is not the hard part. Birth is a finite thing - that baby is coming out one way or another. What really got me long term, physically and mentally, was postpartum.

Postpartum was a drop kick into deep water that first time around. I went from having regular appointments with my midwife, to the office not even having my file available when I called them about potential PPD within the first six weeks. "Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative" meant that I came home from the hospital incredibly sleep deprived. I had no idea what I needed much less how to get my needs met.

The prep classes from the hospital were about the process and tools for getting through labor, with a nod to postpartum at the end. In fact almost all of the pregnancy books given to me/that I found at the library focused on getting through labor as smoothly as possible, but completely missed the gravity of postpartum care needs.

Once I was postpartum, and in desperate need of help and care, it seemed like the general response of both the medical system and my community was to stop their ears and shut their eyes. The recent study regarding maternal mortality rates was oddly comforting. It's not just in my head, postpartum nurses are ill informed about postpartum dangers and consequently do not respond adequately. The difficulties I went through with my first postpartum experience are not normal and should not have been ignored, but they were.

Hopefully I am now a better advocate for myself in the postpartum period, but frankly that is not something we should be demanding of postpartum mothers! It should not be the job of the suffering, bleeding, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed to get those in authority to do their jobs properly. Period.

I do things drastically differently now.

I am very upfront with my providers regarding my concerns about postpartum, and I don't let non-committal answers slide.

My husband takes at least two weeks off from work if at all possible.

We plan out meals and resources. The time to search for a babysitter, mental health provider, lactation consultant, etc. is NOT during your postpartum. Trust me, get those names and numbers written down and available now.

I educated myself about what true normal is and what it is not.

I learned about myself. The truth is there is a wide gulf of grey between "immediate medical emergency" and "still not ok". It's in that grey space that far too many women spend their postpartum. But it does not have to be so! With my last two babies I have learned the things that get me out of the grey into the light zone of "doing ok".

Nothing here is a magic bullet, but everything in here has been a help to me. Maybe it will help someone else!

Here are the top seven things I keep in my postpartum basket.

Aromatherapy

The scents that I associate with being calm and supported can make me relax and slow down so quickly! These are the same scents I use in labor, and frequently when having a recovery day during intense dance or theater times.

I have this pod diffuser, but generally prefer to do a drop or two on a cotton ball for the smell. That way if it's not working for me that day, I can just put the cotton ball back in the baggie and it's gone.

Spiritual Support

I completely forgot about the importance of spiritual support in my first postpartum. Prayer and connection to the wider Church is a great way for me to combat the feelings of isolation in those first few weeks. This small crucifix and bottle of holy water live on the dresser next to my bed during postpartum. There will also be a rosary, but it's currently living in the labor kit.

Tea

I have a taste in tea that will make real tea lovers cringe. My other favorite is Orange Spice...cringing yet?

But this is what my coffee-lover heart likes when I want something hot to drink but should really be cutting down on the caffeine for a bit. Whatever says homey comfort to you, put it in the postpartum kit!

Cloth Breast Pads

Breastfeeding will likely not be long lived again, but I like to have these cloth breast pads in the postpartum kit just in case. I find the cloth pads much more comfortable than the disposable version. When everything else in your body is a little achy, I believe in upping the comfort level where ever possible!

Belly Wraps

It was a shock to me to try and sit up in bed after my first was born. I couldn't do it! Those poor abdominal muscles have just been through a multi-month stretch and they are plum tuckered out.

Starting about day two or so I like to start gently wrapping my belly. I use a super long wide cotton muslin for wrapping at home, and a Velcro one from Target when out and about.

It makes a big difference for retraining all of my muscles what straight feels like when I've gotten sway backed and off during the final weeks of pregnancy.

Cloth Pads

I'll be honest, I thought it would be a lot grosser to use cloth pads than it is in reality. They are fantastically more comfortable than wearing the giant disposable ones for weeks. The less I can feel like a small child in a diaper the better.

Tinctures

Both of these herbal tinctures are now requirements for my postpartum kit!

After pains were not explained well at all before I had my first, and holy cow they don't get any better with later babies! Taking the AfterEase with ibuprofen did wonders for being able to take the edge off the pain in those early days. I find the ibuprofen works longer, but the AfterEase works faster. Faster is important!

I have learned that the most dangerous time of day for postpartum me is evening and night. ReBalance taken with my placenta pills before bed helps calm the hormonal swings of night wakings and sporadic sleep. (Sleep is still extremely important though people! Do not skimp on the sleep!)

Not in the kit but prepared and ready in the house:

Freezer meals that can mostly be thawed and dumped in the crockpot.

Cookie dough is an accidental addition to our postpartum traditions, but having some fresh baked cookies in those early days has turned into a sweet way to welcome a new member of the family.

Maternity Tea is something I drink all through pregnancy and through my postpartum. I mix up my own infusion herbs from bulk. My recipe is very similar to this one.

Sitz Herbs for healing. I've never torn (knock on all the wood) but sitz bath herbs are still soothing during the recovery period.

------------------------------

For a little background about why I care so much about postpartum care:

------------------------

What are some of your postpartum must haves? What have you found to be a helpful addition to your postpartum?

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

I Seem To Be Obligated to Write This

Here we are again.

I am frustrated that it took deaths for us to draw a line. Again.
I am frustrated, yet again, with trying understand what is expected of me in the face of more evil.
I am frustrated that the best I have heard to do is essentially armchair activism.

In fact, armchair activism seems to be the height of social activism when it comes to addressing terrorism and other human evils in our society. If you have not updated your Facebook status within 24 hours of a terrible, heinous, event then "your silence is your complicity". Hashtag Charlottesville.

This is a small blog. I live a small life. A full life, but a small life. I do not write about each and every thought or struggle I have on this blog. My life is not solely lived online, not should it be.
Do not expect to read someone's blog, or Facebook wall, and expect to see an accurate representation of each and every thing they might be fighting.

I did not write about all the other white supremacy protests, counterprotests, and Antifa tactics we dealt with blocks from our home in Berkeley. (BTW, they were going on well before this weekend.)

I did not write about having to explain to my kids it was not safe to go to the downtown library because grown adults were rioting in the streets. Again.

I did not write about how many times I comforted my little kids during the first few riots when they were woken up, by the still circling helicopters at midnight, terrified that "the mad people were going to get them".

I did not write about how hard it is to teach little kids about the inherent goodness in people when most of the time adults seem to just scream at and past each other.

While I am glad people are finally noticing that we have a serious human crisis going on in this country, I am not ok with getting accused of being complicit in evil because I am not reacting identically to my friends on Facebook.

I am not being silent - I am busy speaking so tiny people can hear.
I am busy interpreting a world for them that, frankly, should not STILL be having the same issues in 2017.
I am busy refusing to break into tinier and tinier ideological factions.
I am busy keeping my humanity alive.

My reaction might be different from yours. That does not make it wrong, and it definitely does not make me complicit in evil. I am going to keep doing the best I can, even if it's not good enough for strangers on the internet.