In case you haven't figured it out from the lack of baby arrival announcement on social media, baby has not been born yet. It's only a few days past due date, but it very quickly felt like time was moving at me.
We all know the feeling of a hope, a prayer, that gets the answer "not yet". I've found the hardest to accept of those "not yet" responses are the ones that come for those hopes that were reasonable expectations.
These are not things that were a stretch or outside of normal.
These were things that seemed almost like certainties.
Not getting the promotion at work even after great reviews from your boss and a steady track record.
Not being welcomed into your neighborhood mom group even though these ladies have seemed perfectly friendly before.
Not finding "Mr. Right" by 35 even with a clearly discerned vocation to marriage.
These are the things that can rile us. The things that make you want to shake your fists at the heavens and demand an answer.
"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)
There's my answer. This is not up to me. This is not even up for my understanding.
Everything in me wants to say "I know, but....". That's normal and that's ok, but I'm not going to find peace that way. Peace will come when I stop riling against the injustice of the situation and start noticing the graces present in the situation.
Here are some of the graces of having a baby taking her sweet time finding her birthday:
Giving those little lungs lots of time to be ready for the hard work of breathing.
Giving me more time to shower my 5 and 3 year old with mommy attention.
Giving my husband and I extra evenings of at home date nights that are so much easier when all kids are capable of going to bed and staying in bed.
Giving me the opportunity to be physically uncomfortable and have something to offer up for others.
That there is still nothing wrong with me or baby, just her needing a little more time in utero, is something to be grateful for - even with the aches of late pregnancy. This is nothing I can't handle. God knows it, I know it, I just have to accept it.
I like the idea of keeping them where I know they are and what they are up to for as long as possible. Though both my guys came prematurely. I miss those days of being so intimately connected with my children. Enjoy these final days of body sharing with the new baby :)
ReplyDeleteI remember thinking exactly that right before my first was born! Never again will it be so easy to take care of your child than before birth!
DeleteComing by your blog for the first time from "Catholic Mommy" FB page. Reading your post made me smile with nostalgia. I remember life with littles. Now that I have teens, it's the memories of their younger years that give me hope that they will survive until adulthood: https://heidihesssaxton.blog/2017/10/09/even-when/
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