Let's just get this part out of the way, shall we? Yes, having sex is very important to your spouse who speaks "Physical Touch". But more so than just having sex, is that you, their spouse, occasionally initiate, and willingly reciprocate. Nobody will respond well to a spouse who speaks their love language with resentment.
There. We got that big elephant out of the way.
The needs of someone who speaks Physical Touch often get dismissed just as having sex, and yes, that is very important (as it is in any marriage) but that's doing this Love Language a great disservice. I really feel like I lucked out with Gabe, my husband. Having Physical Touch as his Primary Love Language makes my job so much easier and uncomplicated. Obviously, we don't spend all our time in the bedroom-- there's a lot of time where we simply can't. That's just fine! There are so many ways for me to keep Gabe's love tank full.
Currently, we have a baby and a toddler. There are days when I forget to brush my teeth, and when dinner is mac'n'cheese with tuna'n'peas (its better than it sounds, trust me) because I forgot that supper time is a daily thing. I don't know that I would ever remember to pick out or make little gifts, or if I would have the patience to sit still for ten minutes of quality time on the regular. So it's quite lucky for him at this time in our lives that he speaks Physical Touch.
The tiniest things in very small amounts of time can make a huge impact. Lovingly touching his back when he's in my way in the kitchen to say "excuse me", a quick kiss when he gets home, holding hands in the car, these take minimal effort and have immediate results.
For more purposeful pick me ups, massage is where it's at, folks. I'll never forget one finals week while we were still engaged. I turned on Bob Ross videos and gave him a back rub. His roommates kept passing by the common room and giving us odd looks, but it was so worth it. Its still my go-to when he's really stressed or upset, or when I'm just feeling particularly loving.
The one big pitfall of this Love Language now though, is what happens when the kiddos eat up my capacity for physical touch during the day. Moms, you've been there. The kids are grabbing on you for this, pulling you to that, if you have a nursling then that's another person attached to you for hours a day... and of course we wouldn't trade that for anything, but it does wear on you. After a long day of kids constantly on top of you, it's almost inevitable to get annoyed when a loving husband asks for something as simple as a snuggle on the couch while you watch a TV show to unwind.
To anyone in a similar situation, I highly recommend just being honest with your husband. "Honey, I'm touched out and I'm sorry," then make a big effort to speak his Secondary Love Language in any way possible. Hopefully, give it a few hours or a few evenings in a row where you don't have anyone making constant physical demands and you'll be back ready to speak Physical Touch. In my experience, it's way better to take a mini break and recuperate rather than muscle through and become resentful.
Yeah, I'm clearly biased, but having a spouse who speaks Physical Touch is the best. Now if you'll excuse me, I think my husband needs a hug.
AMDG+
Hilary Thompson is a young wife and mother of two boys in southeast Michigan. She has been an organist since she was twelve. When she grows up, she wants to be a 97-year-old church cleaning lady. You can find more of her work about marriage, mothering, and Catholic trivia at Messy Buns & Latin Chant.
And that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed reading along with this series. We return to our regular topics-I-write-about-becuase-they're-in-my-head-right-now posting next week!
Make sure to check out the prior installments in the series. Congratulations to reader Richard who won the Mrs. Meyer's kitchen set giveaway. Giveaways for both Quality Time and Touch are still open, so make sure to enter!
I never even considered Physical Touch being an easy love language to give! Because yeah, kids. All touched out. But you're right, sometimes touching is easier, quicker, and cheaper than the other ones! Thanks for that perspective, Hilary :) and thank you Kirby for this awesome series!!
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