Touch - It's Not Just About Sex

Monday, February 12, 2018



When you hear that “physical touch” is a love language, it’s easy to assume that that must be a love language that only guys have. People joke that all men probably think their love language is physical touch – so it’s easy to immediately think about sex when you hear “physical touch”.

Physical touch as a love language is so much more than just sex (although I’ll be honest, sex is wonderful too!). But making love isn’t going to fill up my love tank when it comes to physical touch. I need to be shown that I’m loved and loveable in ways outside the bedroom, too.

I can sometimes feel like the odd one out as a woman whose primary love language is physical touch. Not a lot of the married women that I know share my love language, and physical touch can be a daunting language to learn if it’s not your native ‘tongue’. So if your spouse’s love language is physical touch, here are a few ways to show them that you care:

1. Put words to your touch
We use our bodies to express what words fail to communicate – body language can be sacred (and sexy!). When Joseph puts his arm around me, I feel loved. But what makes me glow even more is when he puts words to his touch. When he holds my hand when we’re out together and says “I love people knowing we’re on the same team” you can sure bet that my love tank gets filled. This may sound weird if you’re trying it for the first time – but give it a try! What are you communicating when you put your arm around your spouse’s shoulder, or run your hands through their hair? That you’re fascinated by them? That you are so proud of the work they’ve done? Tell them so!


2. Remember to kiss each other
I remember when Joseph and I were dating (which wasn’t too long ago), and it would take us forever to say goodbye when we left each other’s places at the end of a date. We’d kiss at the door, on the way to the car, and once we got to our cars. Now that we’re married and we get to say ‘goodnight’ and not ‘goodbye’, it’s easy to forget to make out every once in a while. So if your spouse’s love language is physical touch, surprise them with a passionate fifteen second kiss. “15 seconds?!” you may exclaim – but once you’re kissing that 15 seconds will go by pretty quick. You may find yourself wanting to kiss your lover for even longer!


3. Remember physical touch isn’t just for the bedroom 
Our culture tells us that we should limit our sexuality to the bedroom. We tend to see almost all displays of physical affection outside of the bedroom as inappropriate. But our sexuality is so much more than making love. It’s what makes us feminine or masculine! So go ahead – hold your spouse’s hand as your walk into church. Give them a hug while you’re grocery shopping. Put your arm around their shoulders as you relax over at a friend’s house.


4. Don’t underestimate little touches throughout the day
I love when Joseph touches my arm when we’re cooking in the kitchen. The gesture is so small – it doesn’t take much time, and our kitchen is small enough that when we cook we’re close by each other anyway. But those little touches make my day. When you’re spending quality time with each other, don’t forget to be intentional with the smallest touches. Holding their hand during that meeting or touch the small of their back as you pass each other around the house will speak to their love language loud and clear.

Chloe Langr is a very short stay-at-home-wife, whose growth has probably been stunted by the inhumane amounts of coffee she regularly consumes. When she is not buried in a growing stack of book that she brings home from the book store she works at, she can be found spending time with her husband, geeking out over Theology of the Body, or podcasting. 
Connect with her blog, Old Fashioned Girl, her podcast, Letters to Women, or on Facebook.





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To help get you started on better speaking the physical touch love language - Caitlyn Anderson, from Mrs. Andy, Anchored By Faith, is sponsoring a giveaway of Young Living massage and relaxation products!

She is a proud Navy wife and fur-mother to her dog Remington. When not blogging about her faith and life as a military spouse, she enjoys sharing her knowledge about Young Living Essential Oils, adventuring with her friends, and volunteering with her parish’s youth group.


This kit includes an 8 oz. bottle of Young Living Sensation Massage Oil with a pump dispenser and a 15 mL bottle of Young Living Lavender Essential Oil. The Sensation Massage Oil promotes feelings of passion, romance, and youthfulness with a blend of vegetable oils and essential oils that leaves skin feeling soft and smooth. The Lavender Essential Oil supports feelings of relaxation and calmness.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Make sure to check out the previous installments in this series:







24 comments :

  1. We use touch a lot. That little bit of touch means so much. Especially when we are both so tired.

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  2. My husband's is physical touch, and I really liked the idea of adding words to whatever gesture/affection. :)

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  3. I use touch throughout the day towards my husband.

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  4. I love this post! Physical touch was never one of my top love languages, until my now-husband and I started dating-and then it bounced right to the top for me :) I totally agree with the "remember to kiss each other" part-each morning (except for today, since I was stuck in bed sick) my husband and I pray the Guardian angel prayer and kiss before he heads out to work. It's a really great way to start off the day! And I definitely love little touches throughout the day from him.

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  5. I use touch as a love language more, but we both do. We have used some of those tips, great article!

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  6. Physical touch isn't my language, and it's not my husband's. Even so we try to use it.

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  7. My husband and I take walks each week. We always try to hold hands while walking. Just touching each other helps us to feel closer to each other. Holding hands may not seem like a big deal but sometimes it means the world to others.

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  8. We do not have Touch as our love language? I have not used any of Chloe's tips before?

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  9. We do use Touch. We kiss often and hug a lot. We believe in the power of touch outside of the bedroom. It's so powerful.

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  10. No spouse. I do believe in the power of hugs from friends. And I get a massage every other week.
    Thanks for the contest.

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  11. We have never used any of Chloe's tips, but we do have touch as a love language.

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  12. we do use touch Mostly hugs and quick Kisses but not as much as we really should we do use other things though even if it's just grabbing the other person their favorite candy bar at the store it shows you were thinking about them and wanted to make them smile

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  13. Yes, touch is mine! And I do need it.

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  14. i do not have a partner and then but i love to try new things

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  15. We do use touch. Not as often as we could, or even should. We haven't used any of Chloe's tips, but that's going to change. Thanks!

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  16. Neither of us have it as our love language, but its a secondary

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  17. We often touch and kiss. Married 32 years!

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  18. We have not used any of Chloe's tips yes we use touch

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  19. I would say that 'touch' is one of the love languages between my other half and I.

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  20. We haven't used any of the tips but we do use touch, more so now than we did years ago.

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  21. I have never used these products before, but I definitely want to try them now! My husband and I have given each other massages in the past, it has been awhile though.

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  22. We use touch often and give massages from time to time. I guess after being married for 20 years we use touch more often these days!

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  23. yes we do have touch as a love language, thank you

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