So last week's What I Wore Sunday post accidently included my little chapel cap in the picture. I meant to do some without it because the internets can be a scary place. With the likely chance you've never met a younger woman who chooses to wear a veil, or other covering, at mass, I figure I should maybe explain this a bit.

Reasons I Veil

1. It differentiates between the everyday and when I'm in a sacred place.

My everyday clothes are, most of the time, the type of things I would wear to mass.
I veil when in the presence of the Eucharist. So that means whenever I'm in a church something will be on my head. That changes the dress that I have worn/will wear the rest of the day while cooking, cleaning, and taking care of babies into something that also brings me into a place of reverence.

2. It forces me to pause and remember what I am doing here

I stop in the vestibule, or outside the church, and put my veil on. It's how I make sure I take a pause and remember what I am doing by walking into the church is different from rushing into a grocery store. I'm not here just to get what I need and leave as soon as possible. I'm here to worship and be present with my brothers and sisters.

3. I feel a calling to it

Veiling is something that I started as a Lenten practice because it was the most uncomfortable thing I could think of to do. I thought it would be a good growing experience for me. By the end of it I was uncomfortable if I didn't veil.

What Veiling Isn't

1. It's not about saying all women must veil or else

This is another of the many possible devotional practices that we have to choose from as Catholics. I like it, and find it helpful, but not everyone does. It's not bad if you don't veil, and it's not better if you do.

It does not bother me in the slightest that most other women at mass don't veil. I'm not out to convert them to it, but I'm happy to support someone who wants to try but might be a little insecure.

2. It's not about forcing more and more rules on women

To me, the free choice to veil is an important part of the practice. It is entirely possible to be reverent without a veil, just as it is to be reverent with it. It's all about your intention.

3. It's not about making a "holier than thou" statement

Whether or not there is a veil on your head does not change your prayer before God. I do not look down on women who don't veil, nor do I assume all women who do are super duper devout and perfect. Neither of those are realistic, or loving, assumptions.

4. It's not about showing off

If you are veiling just to be different, then you shouldn't be veiling. You need to do a little more prayer and discernment if that is your main purpose.


I really did write my college thesis on this topic, so if you are just dying to read a scholarly lit review on it, just shoot me an email! Feel free to send any other questions you have! I've probably heard it before, and really won't be offended by a question asked in sincerity. 


Now for another edition of What I Wore Sunday with Fine Linen and Purple!

Dress: JC Penny
Belt: Came with another dress
Shoes: Macy's
Earrings: from our wedding
Veil: heirloom from my Grandmother-In-Law

Hairclip: Lila Rose

Saying Goodbye With Meaning

Linking up with Blessed is She this morning for my thoughts on goodbyes.

I feel like our family has been in a bit of a season of goodbyes for a while now. Some are good, like saying goodbye to the diapers for John, and some not so good, like losing close friendships.

For all of them I believe the best goodbyes are the ones done with meaning. I hate the fizzle out way of saying goodbye because it skips the actual goodbye. It's the way to make something difficult go away, and ignores the wounds that need healing.

Goodbyes are work! Healing is work. There is not really a quick, easy, or numb way of doing it.

The beautiful thing about goodbyes is the hello you get to say afterwards. I can say hello to more independance from my preschooler, hello to new healthy friendships, and hello to healing.

As we approach the end of this month, I am very aware of how soon my little baby will be turning one year old. I'm aware that the goodbye to her sweet babyhood is nigh and a hello to toddlerhood is on the horizon. Like many of our transitions, this one is bittersweet.

Standing?! What happened to my little squishy?!

Every good mother wants her baby to grow into the the full person they were created to be, but there is a tug at the heartstrings when I remember how fleeting some of these times really are.

Like her unique way of babbling that sure to only last a few weeks. John yelling in the background about robots is probably going to be more of a lifelong thing.

I'm trying to embrace what is wonderful about things now, even though I know I will have to let go soon. I try to move through the goodbye even though it would be less painful in the moment to pretend nothing has changed. Embrace the goodbye!

A Submarine Adventure and Catholic Dating

I got to hang out with some awesome ladies from church on sort of mom's day out in San Francisco this past Sunday. It was great! After getting lost, a couple times, we found the USS Pampanito.

We did the audio tour and I got to show off my awesome swinging through submarine door hole skills. Considering I did it in a dress, I think I'm pretty good.

All of the getting lost and walking everywhere led to some great conversations. Both of the other women are single and I like to have the opportunity to pick their brains about what types of faith formation and topics for discussions they would find appealing to their current state in life.

Both of them said they would really like more specific instruction/discussions about how to do Catholic dating. What types of qualities are you looking for in a dating relationship? Do you value primarily dating other Catholics? If so, how does one filter who is Catholic in name vs. actively practicing? How does discernment work at this point in life?

I think these, and more, are really valid questions and we, as a church, do need to minister better to this demographic. One mentioned that these questions do eventually get dealt with by the church ministries, but it is not normally until marriage prep. That's not exactly the most approachable venue for single people.

So here are my Catholic dating tips as someone who has done it in the semi-recent past.

1. Decide what qualities are important to have in a future spouse

I do think it's ok to have certain qualities in the "important in a future spouse" category, but it's important to really flesh out what it is about those qualities that is important to you. It's one thing to say you want your future spouse to also be Catholic, but what is it about their Catholicism that is important to you? Is it shared values? A shared identity? An attitude of openness to your faith?

I also think it can be a good idea to have a list of "strongly desired" qualities and "nice if" qualities. Ideally, the strongly desired should be shorter than the nice if list.

2. Work toward understanding the Church teachings on marriage and sexuality

It is really really hard to follow these particular teachings if you really don't get where the Church is coming from. The single most important source for understanding these teachings comes from Pope Saint John Paul II's Theology of the Body, I don't really recommend reading through the original Theology of the Body talks as a starting point because it is enormous and it was given as a series of talks that assumed you knew certain background information.

Get your hands on books by Christopher West, check out the Theology of the Body Institute, and be open toward working towards understanding.

3. Learn how to discern

This can be the hardest part for a lot of people. There is a level of discernment that occurs when you are thinking about the important qualities in a future spouse, but this is a deeper type of discernment. This is the discernment where you really open up to God and ask what you are meant to do. You might be called to something surprising.

Practice different types of prayer. Get a spiritual adviser (seriously, just call up the parish and ask one of the priests if he can recommend someone.) Make strong Catholic friends, especially of the same gender, who are also on this journey. I learned in the convent that nothing can provide some checks and balances on a spiritual journey quite like a group of other women who want you to find your true vocation in life.

Tomorrow is our fourth wedding anniversary. We were engaged about five and half years ago. In that time I feel like a lot has changed in the Catholic dating world. We met online on catholicsingles.com. Back then it was free for college students, and the online selection was a little different. Neither of us had very established Catholic friend circles in the area yet, so it wasn't a big concern to date someone within the friend group and risk potential difficulties from it not working out.

That's not to say this was an easy leap to take. When we got engaged I was nineteen and Matt twenty-two. A number of family members were uncomfortable with our upcoming wedding. We were, by far, the first of our friends to get married and have kids. But this was not a light decision. We really hashed out a lot of hot spot topics in those four months of dating, and were ready to get engaged. I really believe making that decision has less to do with time spent dating than with how that time is used.

Blessed Brunch Berkeley & What I Wore Sunday

Thanks to all of the Blessed is She ladies who came out to my house yesterday afternoon for some great food and conversation! It was great getting to meet you all/getting to know you better!

The group! We had two babies in arms and baby twins in utero!

One of our starting questions was "how do you pray/favorite way to pray." I loved hearing how everyone did the prayers differently, even if it was the same prayer. We have all found time for prayer in different places and different ways. I will definitely be taking some of the ideas into my life.

Keep in touch and lets keep the community going!

Now for What I Wore Sunday linking up with Fine Linen and Purple:

Dress: JC Penny's
Sweater: Target
Shoes: Payless
Earrings: Christmas gift from my husband
Bracelet: Gift from my friend Erin from her trip to Hawaii

So I meant to do this first (at least) What I Wore Sunday minus the veil, but I forgot to take it off (because I can't really feel it) so yeah. There's a little chapel veil too.

If you want one Veils by Lily does some great ones. It's all about that sewn in comb!

7 Things That Happened the First Week of Preschool Homeschool

We have come through on our first week of preschool homeschool! Here is what I learned from my first week on the other side of the table.

1. John had the idea that school was something you have to go to.

I can't really blame him for thinking that. We talk about his little friends being at school for the day so we have to wait to play until they get home.

But we could spend most of our morning doing crafts, reading, and talking about the saint/virtue/scripture verse we're working on and John would be asking at lunch when we were going to school. Oui.

I think that might have been why he kept insisting that the supplies we were getting for his school were for his "afterschool". I'm about 90% sure he gets the concept a little better now close to a week in.

2. John will do ANYTHING if it is something he can show off to his sister.

He was dedicated to making sure those almonds all lined up for the little "a". I thought he wasn't going to be into this until we got to letter F with the feathers.

Therese is very obliging with her pointing and baby oohing and ahhing.

3. Things will always get busier outside whenever you commit to something inside

It's good to be busy! I've spent a lot of the summer longing to be busy, for somewhere to be, things to be working towards. But it seems to be a law that once things get a little more demanding at home, great opportunities start appearing elsewhere.

4. Don't try to bring messy supplies outside the house

Yesterday we attempted to do some of John's school activities while I was in a meeting at the parish. It would have gone fine had the meeting not been a lot longer than I expected, and if I hadn't included something I eventually needed to confiscate (glue, not glue sticks, glue.) He got most of a nearly full bottle of glue onto a single piece of construction paper. I really should have taken a picture, but I was a little distracted trying to keep the massive amount of glue from running everywhere.

Lesson learned: only bring things that are unlikely to be a problem.

5. Opportunities for tying in themes abound!

I just never paid attention to have much I could really do on a letter theme! For letter A week we have: made applesauce, did counting with apples, decorated an A with almonds, made a letter A collage, learned about St. Anthony, made an ant craft and found a SWARM of ants at the park (that was weird).

Today we will be writing letters to his aunts (so watch the mail sisters who are reading this) and going to an A's baseball game.

6. The bible stories are actually sinking in and helping

I've been reading one of the bible stories a day from our children's bible.

We have this one.

The stories will vary in length depending on how long it needs to be. Sometimes it about a page of reading sometimes it's three. John seems to be getting better at the "sitting and listening" skills partly from the variability of time from day to day.

He also seems to be recognizing certain stories now. We're still in Genesis (it's a long book y'all!) but Noah and the Ark is the current top choice, with creation next (and I'm pretty sure that's because our bible has a little picture of dinosaurs in the creation story illustration.)

7. It is probably easier if I was not also sleep training the baby

She CAN sleep in her bed, she doesn't sleep well on me anymore, and she NEEDS the nap, but somehow those factors do not equal sound sleep in her bed for naps.

We've been getting a lot of this:

Cutely evading sleep before she melts down in an hour.It is SO HARD not to let on how cute she is at those times!

So far it has been very successful for nighttime sleeping! The kids moved into the same room together and it is going well with Therese. John has been getting a lot of practice with his whisper shouts for mom requests. Like that was somehow going to make things go his way.

Caveat: she slept until 2:30 (from noon!) in her bed yesterday and I had to get her up to make it to a meeting. I pretty much never have anything planned at a time like that so I felt so bad. Poor little one was like "why are you doing this to me?!" 

How to Have an Apostolate...When You Have Babies

So say you are a Catholic mom with a baby (or three) and you are starting to get a little antsy about getting involved with your faith in a "bigger than church on Sunday way." What can you do?

I like to think there are really four big levels to having an apostolate as a Catholic:

1. Within your own home/family
2. Within your parish for your parish
3. Within your parish for non-parishioners
4. Within the larger world for everybody

You can "have an apostolate" within one, two, or all four of these categories. So what do these things look like? What would you actually do?

1. Within your own home/family

I think of this one as what you do to raise good Catholic kids, have a healthy domestic church, and invite others into that domestic church.

This includes: inviting a priest over for dinner, teaching your kids how to pray, and hosting celebrations for special days like a Good Friday Fish Fry and an Epiphany Three Kings Party.

We made 3 crowns for each of the 3 kings. They were crowned as the three slices of orange hidden in the kings cake were found!

This one has the benefit of you don't have to pack up the babies to go anywhere! You can set them up with some fun things to do and get them involved in the celebrations, then whip them into bath and bed when they get tired.

2. Within your parish for your parish

This includes all of the ministries that are needed for mass (lectors, choir, altar society, ushers, etc.)

Getting ready to sing for a wedding about 8 months pregnant.

I sing in my parish choir...with the baby on me. This will not work for every baby! I joined when I was about seven months pregnant, had the baby one Sunday, and decided if I had to stand most of mass anyway I might as well be standing with the choir.

Typically, she plays on the floor through rehearsal, I put her in the ergo right before mass starts, and hopefully she falls asleep during the gathering song.  She tended to sleep right through to the end of the consecration, and was pretty happy to look around at everyone until the closing song.

She spends a lot of the time looking like this. She likes to peek around the piano at the priests too.

She's almost a year old now, so the time that works may be coming to an end. Our plan right now is to go to the earlier mass as a family then I stay on to sing in the next mass. I'll let you know if that works.

There are ways to be involved in this area with babies, but you might just have to get a little creative!

3. Within your parish for non-parishioners

This is volunteering with dinners for the poor and homeless, holiday ministries for the poor, making rosaries for prisons, and anything else hosted at the parish but not primarily meant for parishioners.

Our first batch of rosaries! They were sent to the Sisters of the 11th Hour in San Diego.

This one can be really flexible with babies! It's a physical place that you, and the babies, are familiar with and you can potentially store things there that will make this a lot easier.

I have done dinner help by washing dishes with a baby strapped to my back. I've made rosaries by sticking the baby in a laundry hamper with some toys and books.
Even toddlers can really get behind the "helping someone who needs it" idea. They are "someone who needs help" very frequently, they know exactly what that kind of need feels like.

4. Within the larger world for everybody

This is doing something that may or may not be affiliated with the church at all. This is sorting clothes at a crisis pregnancy center, giving blood, volunteering at the local food bank,

This is one where spouse help is probably needed. A lot of these places will not allow you to also bring the baby (except for perhaps the crisis pregnancy one), but they are often able to be done on the weekend or evenings.

I have had a standing "blood date" with Therese's godfather to go give blood one weekday evening as we are eligible. Other people get the blood they need, and I get to see a friend! Win-win!

Keep an eye out for groups from the parish who are going to volunteer together. I'm a big fan of working as a group.

If there is something you have been feeling called to do, there will be a way to do it. It might not be exactly in the way you pictured it, but ultimately, you are giving what you can from where you are.

What I've Been Reading Lately

I've been a little tired out from the current events cycle right now. I know it's important, I know I should be informed to be a good citizen, but sometimes one needs to let the worries of the world not become the predominant thoughts of the day.

Thankfully, I'm a fickle reader. My husband likes to tease me about how many books I have going at once. I just like to spread out the love to many genres! Here's what I have been dabbling in lately.

1. The Little Oratory by David Clayton and Leila Marie Lawler

I've liked this book for a while, and keep coming back to it. If you are a Catholic convert or just a Catholic wanting to make Catholicism a stronger part of the weave of your family life, then this book gives you all the details you might need (and those that never occurred to you to need.)

I love how it addresses that it can be really really hard to get kids to participate in reverent prayer, but it is still worth doing. Even when I regularly have to say things like "do not put your whole arm in the holy water!"and "rosaries are for hands, not for feet or mouths."

David Clayton's brother and sister-in-law also attend our parish and I get to go to a potluck with him tonight. *happy dance* I'm only nerding out a little bit and will try really really hard not to act like a Catholic groupie. Not like Easter vigil. I did not succeed in the non-groupie impression then.

2. Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum by Laura Berquist

This book is the basis for the type of homeschooling and learning that clicks for me. The book itself really starts with it's recommendations for the Kindergarten level, but I like to have the road map in my head for what we what to do with education and where we're going with it. It really helps me withstand the playground anxiety that manifests with the constant concern other moms have about what I'm doing.

No, my kid is not in preschool.
No, I don't intend to start later.
No, I'm really not concerned about socialization at all. If you notice, he is currently socializing with your kid just fine.

I'm thinking of putting it on a laminated card. It would save me a lot of time. I'm only kind of joking...

3. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Just in case you thought this was going to be a post all about Catholic stuff, nope! I really like the Harry Potter books. I like to re-read them pretty much every summer.

I've decided that our Halloween party this year is going to be Harry Potter themed and I figured it would be good to go through the books again and see if there was stuff I had forgotten about. Did anyone else forget there was totally a school song in the first book?!  Dumbledore puts up the words and everyone sings this song to whatever tune they want. It never comes up again. What happened with the song?!

If you are concerned about the whole Harry Potter and witchcraft thing, Haley over at Carrots for Michaelmas has a pretty great post on why it's not really an issue (and I tend to agree with her on this one).

4. ISIS: The State of Terror by Jessica Stern and J.M. Berger

So I'm not totally avoiding the whole current events thing. I often will randomly grab a book from the non-fiction new books section at the library just to keep me from getting too squared away in a literary comfort zone. So far this book has been good for getting a clearer picture of the IS timeline and it grounds all of the moving parts for me.

I am not the best gleaner of information from electronic sources. I have a much easier time remembering things I have read on paper. Books like this help me tie in the news stories I have seen over the past year into a coherent story in my mind. This will almost certainly not be the only book on the topic I'll pick up. My general rule of thumb is to read three (if possible) books on any particular topic because even things that seem to be just history facts will be filtered through a lens of some sort. The clearest picture will come from one formed from many.

5. Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin 

So I have to keep trying to read this book. It falls squarely in the self-help category, and can sometimes seem so 1950's, but a lot of it is pretty true. I like how it gives you action items at the end of each chapter. I could really do without the testimonial "this book is so awesome" stories that get scattered in the earlier chapters though.
This is the book to read if you want to work on your marriage/relationships and are acknowledging that you might need to change some habits of your own in order to change your relationship habits.

Sometimes it can be a little too true, and I feel like throwing it across the room, but slow and steady wins the race right?


So that's what I'm reading at the moment! What have you been up to in the reading department?