We've made it to the middle of NFP week y'all! 

Have you been reading these stories thinking "they just needed to work more closely with an instructor" or "if your charts are confusing, you just need to get you some NaPro!" 

NFP postpartum is difficult - even for the NFP trained.

Meet Sara and Chad! Certified NFP teaching couple through the Couple to Couple League. Married 8 years and have a 6 year old son, 5 year old daughter, 3 year old daughter, and 4 month old son.

1. Tell us a little bit about each of you.

Chad: I’m Chad and I like to party.

Sara: Oh my goodness, I’ll introduce him. Chad’s a Catholic convert and I totally love him for it. He just got his PhD in math because he’s a hardcore nerd. But it’s okay because I’m a nerd, too. We met in college studying math together. Now I’m living my dream of being a SAHM while Chad is living his dream of teaching college math. On the side, I have my blog: ToJesusSincerely.com and I’m the Tech Assistant for CatholicsOnline.net. I’m a cradle Catholic, but I have so much to learn from converts (some of my favorite peeps).

2. How did you learn about NFP?

Chad: My wife and I learned NFP together when we were engaged.

Sara: Being a cradle Catholic with faithful parents, NFP was introduced to me as the way of life for Catholic married couples. Chad and I learned NFP together when we were engaged. I do wish I had known more about fertility awareness as a teen, but I’m working on changing that for today’s girls. Chad and I are certified NFP teachers through Couple to Couple League, so we have the opportunity to help others learn about NFP.

3. How did you pick your NFP method?

Chad: I was just coming into the Church before we got married. So I didn’t know much about NFP at the time. But my wife knew what she wanted us to do, and I trusted and supported her decision.

Sara: My mom used the Sympto-Thermal Method, so that’s what I went with. My cycles, though not completely regular and predictable, are fairly straightforward to navigate with STM. I love the clarity of postpartum charting with this method. I feel confident in our ability to space our children and know for sure when my fertility has made a comeback.

4. What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

Chad: It’s hard being unsure of what’s going on. That makes it difficult to plan when to have sex. It can be pretty confusing.

Sara: Like Chad said, the uncertainty can be difficult. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily confusing, myself, but definitely unpredictable. Until that first ovulation postpartum, there is no way to know what’s coming next. So we have to go day-by-day… and hope the baby cooperates with our charts. Right now, our baby seems to love to stay up late on nights when we finally would have been able to have sex. In the postpartum transition, there can be extended periods of abstinence that can get frustrating.

5. What has been the greatest benefit?

Chad: We don’t want to have babies back-to-back. Knowing NFP allows us to have sex confidently, knowing we can still postpone pregnancy. Otherwise we would have to abstain the entire postpartum time until we got back to normal cycles. It’s great that NFP allows for us to navigate the transition time.

Sara: I agree that it’s good to be confident in spacing our children. As long as we’re diligent, we know exactly when we should or shouldn’t have sex in order to avoid “preparing for Irish twins” – (insert eye roll at rude doctors). The postpartum period always forces us to revamp our communication, which is a great thing for our marriage. And, if I’m being entirely honest, I’m thankful for the intermittent stretches of abstinence required in the postpartum time. My libido tanks hard after having a baby, so those stretches give me the break I need to foster and rejuvenate that desire. I’m not sure Chad would consider that a benefit lol.

But it turns out to be a good reminder to show our love for each other in different (non-physical) ways. After our second baby, while juggling discrepancy in our desires, different needs that I was experiencing, and unpredictable stretches of abstinence, we were able to open up communication in a way that led us to praying together before sex.

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Check out the other posts this week.

HYPER-FERTILITY AND NFP

HOW DO I SPEAK TO POSTPARTUM NFP WHEN... I GOT PREGNANT?

MISADVENTURES OF A POSTPARTUM NFP WEEK

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How has this NFP week challenged you? 
Has this changed the way you think about postpartum NFP?

Hyper-fertility and NFP

1. Tell us a little about each of you

Michael is a PhD chemist and is from a small town in Michigan. Sterling has a degree in finance and is from southern Washington. We have been married for eight years. We have four children and we are expecting our fifth in September! We have experienced three miscarriages.

We are both adult converts who are children of divorced parents. As such, we don't have any good examples of how marriage looks in a healthy setting. We have read a lot of books about Catholicism, marriage, and natural family planning to try and live out our vocation of marriage the best we can.

2. How did you learn about NFP?

Michael learned about NFP on a hike in the northern Michigan woods when I was in High School. He asked his friend Paul (who was my Catholic Conversion Sponsor 9 years later) what the Catholic alternative to contraception was, he explained NFP. Since then we have learned much more obviously. :)

Sterling learned about NFP when a priest tossed her an NFP book in the one marriage prep session that we had. It wasn’t a great introduction but we knew this was going to be a big part of our life so we did a lot of our own research.

Shortly after diving into the world of NFP, we realized that we would be fertile on our honeymoon. We had wanted at least six months of being married before getting pregnant so we actually chose to abstain from sex for the first three days after we got married! Whew, that was a sacrifice. Then we consummated our marriage on the fourth day knowing there was still a small chance we could get pregnant. That’s when we learned the reality of NFP because we have since discovered, if there is any small chance of getting pregnant… we do!

Of course, being open to God’s plan sometimes means getting pregnant on your honeymoon but abandoning yourself to that trust has greatly deepened our faith.

3. How did you pick your NFP method?

Trial and Pregnancy. We started out using symptothermal but because Sterling has struggled with insomnia for most of her life, we quickly realized that it was difficult to catch her basal temperature. After our honeymoon pregnancy, which really wasn’t a surprise because we knew that there was a small chance we could get pregnant, we did have two surprise pregnancies due to bad temperature data. Unfortunately, those two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. That’s when we looked into Creighton.

Creighton quickly showed us that Sterling had low progesterone levels. We ended up getting pregnant again (on purpose) and working with the Pope John Paul VI institute using progesterone shots to help us carry the baby to term.

We felt really confident in Creighton and we liked that we were both involved in charting and making decisions. We got pregnant two more times, not necessarily planned but definitely not surprises either. We knew there was a small chance of getting pregnant both times!

The last time we got pregnant was definitely more of a surprise. Sterling had radically changed her diet for six weeks and it shifted her cycle. We definitely should have abstained since our chart definitely looked unusual so I would say this “surprise” baby was really just user-error but it was definitely hard for us since we got pregnant four months after having our last baby.

4. What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

There are two great struggles we’ve encountered with NFP. We struggle with hyperfertility, and have become pregnant on average more than once a year. The first has definitely been becoming pregnant despite our best efforts to use NFP.

The second biggest struggle has been the lack of support/communication in the Catholic community about NFP, especially about prolonged periods of abstinence. It seems to be a “suffer in silence” type of problem and it has really been hard on our marriage not knowing what our normal reactions should be to prolonged abstinence.

5. What has been the greatest benefit?

The greatest benefit has been significantly reduced mortal sin and urgent need for confession. We also value having NFP options so Sterling doesn’t have to put a bunch of chemicals or foreign objects in her body. And obviously, we are extremely blessed and grateful for all our children. Despite the challenges, we cannot imagine life without them!

It’s difficult because NFP is often touted as this beautiful way to bring couples together, but we have not found that to be true. Due to our many struggles, we would not say that NFP has produced a greater feeling of unity within our marriage.

You can hear more from Sterling on her podcast, Coffee and Pearls - Wisdom for Catholic Moms, and on her website sterlingjaquith.com. She is the author of four books, including Not of This World: A Catholic Guide to Minimalism and Smitten: A Collection of Catholic Love Stories.

You can read more of her take on NFP in her post Why I Despise NFP But Do It Anyway.

We're having a Postpartum NFP week around her on Under Thy Roof!

Check out the other posts this week.

HOW DO I SPEAK TO POSTPARTUM NFP WHEN... I GOT PREGNANT?

MISADVENTURES OF A POSTPARTUM NFP WEEK

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Do you have experience with "hyper-fertility"? 

Sterling points out that the prolonged abstinence has not been marriage building for them, and I believe that to be true of many solid marriages as well. How can we more accurately and reasonably prepare couples for periods of prolonged abstinence that my very well occur in transition times?

How Do I Speak to Postpartum NFP When... I Got Pregnant?

I'm going to break my own rules with this story, because I think it's a story that needs telling.

This one is going to be anonymous and it's only going to be the wife's side of the story. Her reasons for requesting this are solid, and just...read her story. She is absolutely not the first person to tell me something like this in hush-hush tones with furtive glaces. This is a more common reality than many of us want to admit.

Tell us a little about each of you

We meet in college, he a well-formed Catholic from a big family, me a fallen-away nothing who didn't ever tire of debating this wickedly smart, handsome, crazy person. Joke's on me! Because lo and behold, those three years of debating accidentally converted me. We ended up getting married after college -- something he'd always pictured doing and something I never imagined. The babies came quickly; I'm a stay-at-home mom of four while he works in government contracting.

 How did you learn about NFP? / How did you pick your NFP method?

Hah.

So, I know a lot of people in my various NFP Facebook groups want to shout from the rooftops that "NFP IS NOT THE RHYTHM METHOD." Well, we all need to be shouting that a little louder, because even the people trying to listen can't hear you.

I was not aware that NFP was not the rhythm method until after my THIRD CHILD. My parochial Catholic schools didn't teach it. My Catholic college spoke of it only theoretically. Our marriage prep class mentioned that temping and mucus were something you could look into, and left it to you to do that looking. But if Catholic schooling gave me little else in terms of faith formation, I at least had a moralistic fear of ever touching myself "down there," so the idea of checking mucus felt like a giant "No way, Jose." Good thing that sounded optional, right? And finally, while I do have a well-educated cradle-Catholic awesome-devout husband, there was a big all-boys-school gap in his knowledge on this particular subject. He assumed NFP was basically the rhythm method too. (This is why my sons will be taught some things...)

After I had my third son, I learned more specifically via my own Googling what was involved in STM. So I breastfed my son and waited patiently for my period to come back so I could start doing this charting thing.

More hah.

Because that didn't happen.

I got pregnant before having a cycle. But yay! Because my fourth son is the best thing ever, and there would be a hole in our family without his big sunshiny smile.

But anyway, back to the drawing board with NFP. It was when my youngest was 5 months old that I made a self-deprecating joke at my Catholic book club. "Yeah, all our kids are 19 months apart... I guess that's just how we date our calendars." People laughed. I wanted them to. That joke always gets a good reaction. But it was certainly thin cover for the fact that I did not have a handle on this NFP thing.

That's when a friend from the book club whom I've known a while now pulled me aside and started telling me about Marquette's postpartum breastfeeding protocol. I was floored. I was struck dumb by my total ignorance. You mean... there's something you can do to chart before your first cycle? You do what? And I can do mucus too? What is LH? I'm not doing any of this!

I came home that night and asked my husband for a ClearBlue Fertility Monitor for Christmas.

What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

Well, the first great struggle is certainly that, six months into Marquette... I got pregnant! Without a cycle. Again. While perfectly conforming to the protocols of the breastfeeding TTA protocol. And yes, these two will also be 19 (and a half) months apart. I thought we were really going to get a foothold this time; I was so confident. I was so trusting. I was so diligent. And... yeah, that was hard.

That's the reason that, at first, I backed out of speaking to Kirby for this series. How do I speak to postpartum NFP when... I got pregnant? (Again. I can't stress the "again" part enough.)

But I can say that now we're all settled into the reality of five children. I'm at peace again.

What is becoming a second struggle is telling other people -- family and friends who DON'T practice NFP, but know that we do -- that we're expecting again. I feel like Negative Evangelization. I feel like a stereotype. And it's hard to explain to people who don't already get it that, yeah, we were TTA, but we're also open to life. That's the point. This baby is NOT the worst news ever.

What has been the greatest benefit?

The greatest benefit of our particular journey has been to my own heart and mind. Only one of our five children was "planned," so to speak. But it's gotten easier and easier to sincerely accept new life with love and enthusiasm the longer this 19-month routine repeats. I'm not perfect. If there's one thing I've learned by saying over and over that I'm "open to life," it's how to actually be open to life when "life" calls my bluff <3

How can we do a better job of authentic NFP instruction? What should we be doing so that engagement is not the first time the phrase Natural Family Planning brings any meaning?

What struck you about this story?

Misadventures of a Postpartum NFP Week

If you've hung around this blog for a while, you know what I do for NFP Awareness Week - share stories! I believe the best way to talk about a way of life is to show that life via storytelling (and that Anthropology degree might only have influenced that a lot).
There's been small years, busy years, and themed years.

This year is a theme year.

Supposed to be a theme year.

This has been a hard year.

This year is all about NFP in the postpartum time - but it's both on the blog and my real life. I've never had more "skin in the game" than I do this year. Merely trying to put together postpartum NFP stories has been an eye opening experience.

Most don't want to talk about postpartum

When I wanted to do a themed week on single women and NFP last year, I did not have high expectations. I was going to be excited if I got one story, over the moon for three, but we got FIVE!

When I was going through my third postpartum, and wanted to do a postpartum themed week, I thought this wouldn't be difficult in the slightest. If I could find five single women willing to share the story of their reproductive health, publicly on the internet, surely I could find couples willing to share their postpartum NFP story! There are lots of people having babies!

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Postpartum NFP is incredibly touchy - as I now know. No one feels comfortable. Or confident.
Many told me they did not have much of a story to tell.

The vast majority are winging it

It was the sheepish confession of the vast majority: "....we're not really doing NFP..."
Sometimes it meant abstaining entirely until cycles returned. Sometimes it meant not following method rules. Sometimes it was more of a "what happens, happens" decision.

No one has it easy, but everyone believes they are the only ones struggling

Over and over I heard women tell me that postpartum was unexpectedly hard. Many learned or changed methods during postpartum. Many faced long stretches of abstinence. Many could not figure out what their bodies were doing.

But everyone believes that they are alone in their struggle. That there must be someone out there with the perfect words of encouragement. That the right method must exist somewhere.

If anything, the difficulty in getting people to share their story is precisely why we need to share more stories! Because you're not alone, and your struggles are, more than likely, not as unique as you believe.

We have an abstinence problem

Cycle zero is awful. Waiting for cycles to start back up after baby is probably the most touch and go couples will experience in NFP. But no one tells you that it can take months and months after that for the abstinence not to stretch out into weeks (and months) due to wonky charts.

Abstinence can be/is a real strain on many good marriages. Fact. But in general we are terrible at talking about it.

But there are some brave souls! 

I found two couples willing to share their story!

Aka. I asked my blog groups and my friends had my back. (Thanks y'all!)

Meet the brave few of this year's NFP Awareness Week postpartum edition!

Sara and Chad

Chad: I’m Chad and I like to party.

Sara: Oh my goodness, I’ll introduce him. Chad’s a Catholic convert and I totally love him for it. He just got his PhD in math because he’s a hardcore nerd. But it’s okay because I’m a nerd, too. We met in college studying math together. Now I’m living my dream of being a SAHM while Chad is living his dream of teaching college math. On the side, I have my blog: ToJesusSincerely.com and I’m the Tech Assistant for CatholicsOnline.net. I’m a cradle Catholic, but I have so much to learn from converts (some of my favorite peeps).

Sterling and Michael

Michael is a PhD chemist and is from a small town in Michigan. Sterling has a degree in finance and is from southern Washington. We have been married for eight years. We have four children and we are expecting our fifth in September! We have experienced three miscarriages.

We are both adult converts who are children of divorced parents. As such, we don't have any good examples of how marriage looks in a healthy setting. We have read a lot of books about Catholicism, marriage, and natural family planning to try and live out our vocation of marriage the best we can.

Come back next week to read their full stories!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What's your experience with postpartum NFP? What should we include in the discussion?

How Postpartum is Different the Third Time Around

My oldest turned six years old yesterday. His birth is what brought me into this parenting gig and it turned my world, and assumptions, upside down. This year we had our third baby, and I went through my third postpartum. It was DRASTICALLY different from the first time around.

1

Rest is a Requirement

I know what I need to heal now. 

With our first my husband was back to work shortly after we got home from the hospital. Now we know two weeks off is the minimum we all need to heal and get to know this little newborn. Especially if they keep pulling this 12+ labor, being born in the wee hours, after weeks of prodromal labor thing.

2

I have helpful kids

Having newborn with older kids in the house is ground breaking.

My oldest just turned 6, so he can’t babysit or anything, but he can grab my water bottle I forgot to grab off the counter. They can get diapers out of the dryer and put them away or entertain the baby is I have a minute to eat something. Small helps in the postpartum period are so meaningful  to me.

3

I know what I need to feel normal

There are particular things for each of us that make us feel normal. Those small make or break things that make a huge difference for mental and physical health.

For me it’s: getting outside, wearing real clothes, showering, getting at least 4 hour blocks of sleep, and having real conversations.

Once I acknowledged these were things I needed, I could take the steps to make them happen.

4

I’m not the only mom I know now

One of the reasons my postpartum with my first baby was so tough was because we were the first among our friends to start this parenthood adventure. There wasn’t anyone around to calibrate my expectations or to let me know what was normal.

It makes a big difference to now have other mothers I can commiserate with who are encountering and grounded.

5

I’m not afraid to say “not for me”

When it comes to parenting there is a huge range of “perfectly fine and normal”, but there is a lot of, frankly, propaganda out there meant to convince moms that there is one ideal way for x. The only way worth your while to feed your baby, hold your baby, rest, NFP method, rate of healing, etc.

With my first I bought the propaganda, and it just about crushed me. 

This doesn’t mean that whatever is being touted as “the way” doesn’t work for some people! But I not doing something wrong by deviating from that vision.

6

My marriage remains primarily important 

If there is one thing I wish I could impress on past me is that a healthy marriage can make a big difference in having a healthy postpartum. My husband is my biggest advocate. He’s the one who is with me the most, the one who will first notice when something isn’t going well.

We’ve learned how we can get our couple time with a newborn. In the early weeks, baby typically wants to continue to be part of mom so my husband and I hang out together on the couch while baby gets first sleep in my arms. When baby gets ok with transferring, we get an early evening just the two of us before baby wakes up for the late night feed.

We DO have time for each other postpartum, but we did have to decide to claim and own that time.

7

Postpartum NFP is hard

For a while there I thought I must have just selected the wrong method. But after talking with a lot of instructors and medical professionals I've decided postpartum NFP is rough for me. NFP is heavily weighted to those who are breastfeeding - which just isn't in the physical cards for me. While there are lots of methods, all of which have their own postpartum protocols, there is no one perfect postpartum method that will make everything easier automatically.

I thought surely this would be another area that got easier after the first time around, but it's not. Postpartum is a long, frustrating, and often lonely portion of NFP. I can't make it easier to practice, but I can do something about the lonely!
I think it is so important to share stories and speak to a wide variety of experiences, so this year for NFP Awareness Week I would like to focus on the postpartum NFP experience!

If you've been following this blog for a while, you might have noticed that I share real NFP users stories for NFP Awareness Week. I loved the discussion and encouragement that came out last year from sharing the stories of single women who use NFP, and it would be such a gift to see that for postpartum.

If you want to be a part of this project, or have some questions for me, shoot me an email (underthyroof at gmail dot com) or connect on social media (Facebook and Instagram because that's all the social media-ing I've got in me!)


Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What are your thoughts on postpartum? Do these things resonate with you? For those who have been through it before, what have you learned the subsequent time(s) around?

She’s Probably Not Doing That *AT* You

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

1

If you somehow haven’t heard by now, the third royal baby was born! Yea babies! We got our first picture of Kate stepping out of the hospital with babe in arms.

And the internet went “OMG SHE’S WEARING HEELS?!” Cue memes about how real women postpartum. You know, not LIKE THAT.

Lots of people shared it. They probably felt good about themselves, they represent “real women”.

This seems amazingly hypocritical.

The same people who talk about how we need to be open to others, and everyone needs to do what works for them (“Do what you gotta do.”), made a meme to make fun of a woman doing what she has to do!

So empowering y’all.

2

“We’re not being mean, we’re just saying our experience wasn’t like that.”

Ok.

What about women who DO have experiences like that?

3

“We just want to point out that women shouldn’t hold themselves up to unreasonable expectations.”

Who gets to decide what is reasonable? Why can women not be trusted to discern a reasonable that might be different from your own? Is anyone seriously watching what a royal does and think “oh man, I wish I could be doing that too!” without also realizing the drastic difference between her day to day and that of a British royal?

4

The message seems to come down to “don’t let us know if you are doing well”.

Let’s say 90% of your day was struggle. The baby was colicky, plans fell through, you’re achy, everyone in whining. But you managed to eat a good meal and get dressed today. Why should the focus go to primarily the struggle and not the success? Don’t we tell women to focus on the positive?
For that matter, why does Kate not count as a success when she used the help and resources she has? Last I checked we wanted to encourage women to use their resources.

5

It gets creepy.

You know what posts do the best on social media? The ones about what is going wrong in my life. The ones about darkness. The ones that show me at my worst.

At some point it feels like people are scrolling through looking for someone doing worse than themselves so they can feel better about their own lives.

Even if that works for you, it’s a little messed up to need someone else to be doing badly so you can feel better.

6

I don’t think the problem is unrealistic expectations anymore. I think we have a problem, especially among women, with needing to be the same. Policing that sameness and displacing anyone different into a box of “other”. 

I’m one of those “others” most of the time. I don’t experience many things in what seems to be the manner of the majority. 

I don’t get morning sickness, I do well under pressure, I like to have a tidy home (or at least 20 minutes from clean) most of the time. I am almost always on time or early, and it does not make sense to my brain that people might not mean what they say.

7

I’m not unobservant. I notice that my being like this can make people uncomfortable. There are a lot of assumptions about what I “must think” without anyone taking the time to ask me.

I don’t care if your house is messy, I truly didn’t notice. It’s not my stuff - it doesn’t bother me.

I can empathize with you when you have hard pregnancies even if I haven’t experienced that.

I understand that my experience might not be everyone’s experience.

But I want to be allowed the social space to share my good!

Is not the point of having community not to glorify the good and support each other? I think we can do that without putting other women into a box marked “not one of us”.

Finding a New Beautiful in Postpartum

Life with three kids - it's a turning point. Three is when there are more kids than adults, more needs than time, and the list of "shoulds" ("I should be getting dinner ready by now." "I should be reading more with the big kids.") reaches heights never before seen as a family of four.

I am a type A person. An overdoer. A constant planner. But even my hat juggling skills are being put to the test.

The temptation to hide in my house and pretend I got this is STRONG. Because I DO "got this" to some extent.
I can get the laundry done (even with all the cloth diaper laundry).
I can manage to feed everyone (even with their insistence that three meals a day are necessary).
I can even manage to homeschool since it directs the energy and attention of the big kids.
....but I can do it a lot better, and as a less stressed mom, if I let people help.

For the past weeks since Matt went back to work, we have been blessed to have postpartum doulas with our family once or twice a week. For someone with my personality, it is a helpful and a humbling experience to have the postpartum doulas here. It means allowing someone to step and and do tasks as good, or better, than I.

It also lets me see that, even with the extra set of hands, the list of tasks does not run out. In some odd way it is freeing to know that even if I had two of me it STILL would not be all done. That list of shoulds would be just as long, and no amount of efficiency would allow me to plow through them all to my satisfaction.

Ultimately the postpartum doulas are my scaffold while we come out of postpartum survival mode and continue to move forward into the beauty of being a family of five. Earlier this year I wrote about the need to value myself enough to move out of survival mode and into the beautiful.
The beauty of friendship.
The beauty of faith.
The beauty of art.
The beauty of connection.
Postpartum is an opportunity to find a new beautiful. 

This is the sixth postpartum week for me. These past weeks I have been preparing to return to the arts I love and activity I crave.
But auditioning postpartum is tough.
Returning to an exercise routine and ballet is tough.
The temptation to just let it go and not put myself out there to be rejected over and over again is high. I don't LIKE being rejected, but rejection is necessary to have the opportunity to perform the art I love. I will be more authentically myself if I am vulnerable enough to go through the (likely) rejections.

Meet the Latest Model!

7 Quick Takes with This Ain't the Lyceum

It's been a busy few weeks around here!

1

This little lady was born!

Meet Felicity Anne

2

I'm hoping to get her birth story written up this weekend, but here's some short stats for the meantime:

Born on October 5

9lb 10oz and 21in

14 hour labor

1st water birth 

2nd home birth

EDIT: Finished her birth story! 

3

She's been a hit with her big siblings.

4

Matt has done a great job stepping in as homeschool teacher.

The kids think it's really cool because "Dad's never taught anyone before!"

Not true, he taught college students when he was in grad school, but John and Therese are likely his youngest pupils.

I am grateful we decided to enroll in Mother of Divine Grace this year. Getting to quickly print out a checklist of what needs to be done has made it fantastically easier to hand over the homeschool reins.

5

I have been making great use out of my postpartum kit!

The surprise rock star of the postpartum recovery time did not even make the original list.

One Christmas my mom gave all her daughters (and son-in-law) YETI ramblers with personalized decals. They are fabulous for hanging out by the lake, but I did get a ton of use out of mine until now.

It has a lid that does not involve messing with straws, and insulated enough to keep things at the temperature I want = perfect for postpartum.

6

It's getting chilly at night here so we've been having some snuggly evenings here in Minnesota!

The other day we had a fire in the fireplace and made some s'mores. The next morning John informed me that we got to have s'mores because "it was the feast day... of the STAR WARS!....So kids can have s'mores for the star wars." 

Bigger Sci-Fi nerds than I, who would be the patron of Star Wars if you could pick? 

I feel like it should be a Capuchin saint. They already have the Jedi robe thing going on.

7

I am looking forward to finding our new groove with three littles in the house, but I am also looking forward to getting to enjoy our first true Fall!

My mom will be visiting in time for Halloween and this will be our kids first year trick or treating. I don't want to miss it, but that also means I should figure out a warm enough baby wearing costume.

It's going to be a dark hole of Pinteresting and it'll be awesome!

I might do a Tolkien inspired costume just to get to use one of these amazing Middle Earth themed baby wraps.

Postpartum Lessons + What's in My Postpartum Kit

The greatest lesson I learned from giving birth to my first baby was that birth is not the hard part. Birth is a finite thing - that baby is coming out one way or another. What really got me long term, physically and mentally, was postpartum.

Postpartum was a drop kick into deep water that first time around. I went from having regular appointments with my midwife, to the office not even having my file available when I called them about potential PPD within the first six weeks. "Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative" meant that I came home from the hospital incredibly sleep deprived. I had no idea what I needed much less how to get my needs met.

The prep classes from the hospital were about the process and tools for getting through labor, with a nod to postpartum at the end. In fact almost all of the pregnancy books given to me/that I found at the library focused on getting through labor as smoothly as possible, but completely missed the gravity of postpartum care needs.

Once I was postpartum, and in desperate need of help and care, it seemed like the general response of both the medical system and my community was to stop their ears and shut their eyes. The recent study regarding maternal mortality rates was oddly comforting. It's not just in my head, postpartum nurses are ill informed about postpartum dangers and consequently do not respond adequately. The difficulties I went through with my first postpartum experience are not normal and should not have been ignored, but they were.

Hopefully I am now a better advocate for myself in the postpartum period, but frankly that is not something we should be demanding of postpartum mothers! It should not be the job of the suffering, bleeding, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed to get those in authority to do their jobs properly. Period.

I do things drastically differently now.

I am very upfront with my providers regarding my concerns about postpartum, and I don't let non-committal answers slide.

My husband takes at least two weeks off from work if at all possible.

We plan out meals and resources. The time to search for a babysitter, mental health provider, lactation consultant, etc. is NOT during your postpartum. Trust me, get those names and numbers written down and available now.

I educated myself about what true normal is and what it is not.

I learned about myself. The truth is there is a wide gulf of grey between "immediate medical emergency" and "still not ok". It's in that grey space that far too many women spend their postpartum. But it does not have to be so! With my last two babies I have learned the things that get me out of the grey into the light zone of "doing ok".

Nothing here is a magic bullet, but everything in here has been a help to me. Maybe it will help someone else!

Here are the top seven things I keep in my postpartum basket.

Aromatherapy

The scents that I associate with being calm and supported can make me relax and slow down so quickly! These are the same scents I use in labor, and frequently when having a recovery day during intense dance or theater times.

I have this pod diffuser, but generally prefer to do a drop or two on a cotton ball for the smell. That way if it's not working for me that day, I can just put the cotton ball back in the baggie and it's gone.

Spiritual Support

I completely forgot about the importance of spiritual support in my first postpartum. Prayer and connection to the wider Church is a great way for me to combat the feelings of isolation in those first few weeks. This small crucifix and bottle of holy water live on the dresser next to my bed during postpartum. There will also be a rosary, but it's currently living in the labor kit.

Tea

I have a taste in tea that will make real tea lovers cringe. My other favorite is Orange Spice...cringing yet?

But this is what my coffee-lover heart likes when I want something hot to drink but should really be cutting down on the caffeine for a bit. Whatever says homey comfort to you, put it in the postpartum kit!

Cloth Breast Pads

Breastfeeding will likely not be long lived again, but I like to have these cloth breast pads in the postpartum kit just in case. I find the cloth pads much more comfortable than the disposable version. When everything else in your body is a little achy, I believe in upping the comfort level where ever possible!

Belly Wraps

It was a shock to me to try and sit up in bed after my first was born. I couldn't do it! Those poor abdominal muscles have just been through a multi-month stretch and they are plum tuckered out.

Starting about day two or so I like to start gently wrapping my belly. I use a super long wide cotton muslin for wrapping at home, and a Velcro one from Target when out and about.

It makes a big difference for retraining all of my muscles what straight feels like when I've gotten sway backed and off during the final weeks of pregnancy.

Cloth Pads

I'll be honest, I thought it would be a lot grosser to use cloth pads than it is in reality. They are fantastically more comfortable than wearing the giant disposable ones for weeks. The less I can feel like a small child in a diaper the better.

Tinctures

Both of these herbal tinctures are now requirements for my postpartum kit!

After pains were not explained well at all before I had my first, and holy cow they don't get any better with later babies! Taking the AfterEase with ibuprofen did wonders for being able to take the edge off the pain in those early days. I find the ibuprofen works longer, but the AfterEase works faster. Faster is important!

I have learned that the most dangerous time of day for postpartum me is evening and night. ReBalance taken with my placenta pills before bed helps calm the hormonal swings of night wakings and sporadic sleep. (Sleep is still extremely important though people! Do not skimp on the sleep!)

Not in the kit but prepared and ready in the house:

Freezer meals that can mostly be thawed and dumped in the crockpot.

Cookie dough is an accidental addition to our postpartum traditions, but having some fresh baked cookies in those early days has turned into a sweet way to welcome a new member of the family.

Maternity Tea is something I drink all through pregnancy and through my postpartum. I mix up my own infusion herbs from bulk. My recipe is very similar to this one.

Sitz Herbs for healing. I've never torn (knock on all the wood) but sitz bath herbs are still soothing during the recovery period.

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For a little background about why I care so much about postpartum care:

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What are some of your postpartum must haves? What have you found to be a helpful addition to your postpartum?

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