There are certain things we knowingly, and at least some what willingly, give up to become mothers. For me those were things like getting to go out to a movie with my husband on a whim and sleeping in.

What I didn't expect to give up: respect for my mind, fair consideration, and space to grow my talents.

You see I have the misfortune of having talents, gifts, and loves that just can't be done solo, in my home, during nap time. I'm an actress, dancer, and all around theater person. A fundamental part of all of those things is they must be done in community. It's the nature of the art form. That fact is my downfall.

Because I'm a mother.

Because I'm a mother it's ok to demand that I not practice my skills for five, ten, forever years. "Maybe you can come back when your last kid is in Kindergarten?"

Because I'm a mother it's acceptable to pass me by for roles that I *knew* I was a perfect fit to play. By directors that I had a great relationship with up until the point that they learned my dark secret - my three sweet babies at home.

Because I'm a mother I can't possibly be thinking correctly about the glass ceiling I'm pounding against. Trust me people, it only looks clear to you. It's a stained brick wall to me.

In the theater mothers are invisible. They are the foils, the caricatures, only existing as a figure for a man (or more likely a boy) to rile against. Mothers can come back in their own right when they are "women of a certain age". Older and wiser. Not young and new and messy and dangerous. There's no place for me in that view.

Because I'm a mother I don't see my story told.

I'm told to sit down, keep my head down, accept that some vocations are just incompatible with performing. No one ever thought to ask me what would help.

Plenty of vocations have been thought "incompatible with motherhood" before: academia, full time work, manual work, entrepreneurial work. Each of those industries have gone through a reckoning of sorts, and for many it's not over. The performing arts haven't even started.

I keep talking about it. I keep being honest to anyone and everyone when the subject of my perpetual state of audition season comes up.
My friends and family say, "That's awful."
Theater people say, "That's awful." Because this state of affairs is not even an open secret, but a known fact in the theater.
Everyone knows, but they get to do something denied to me. They get to change the subject.

They can change the subject because this doesn't really impact them.
Leaving out the experience, talents, and stories of a whole class of people? No big deal!

What really saddens me is the complete lack of desire or energy toward changing this state of affairs. How can I tell my daughters "You can grow up to be anything you want" if by "anything" I mean "things socially acceptable to be pursued by women of your demographic."
How can I let this anti-mother prejudice stand without challenge if I want to raise girls to live their callings to the fullest?

Ways you can help

• Patronize shows with equal or greater number of female and male actors. Women can't get cast without female roles, and there is a drought of roles for young women. I seriously might scream if one more theater announces a season with shows of large all-male ensembles.
• Give feedback to your local theaters asking for shows about mothers. You want to know what plays are getting done right now that involve mothering or pregnant characters? Shows about Roe v. Wade. That's right, abortion has the market on stories about mothers right now. If you think women are about more than our reproductive organs, this should concern you. 
• Familiarize yourself with great plays written by female playwrights. There are classics beyond Shakespeare and modern gems that should be more well known. Here's a great list to get you started.
• Think beyond easily distributed art forms. If you are involved in artists groups, or other groups meant to support and build awareness for artists, be they Catholic, local, whatever - include some performing artists, please? I can't tell you how many times I've reached out to Catholic artists groups, etc. and been told "We really focus on those with a product at this time." I'm glad you have space y'all, I am, but can you make some room for the rest of us too?
• Grapple with your own unacknowledged prejudices. Basically, stop thinking anything a woman is called and gifted to do is impossible to reconcile with motherhood. Just stop it. That opinion is almost always formed by a lack of experience with the possibility OR a twisted idea that other women should have to struggle as you have struggled. Either way, not ok. Don't do it.

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I've written about the performing arts a good bit. Here are some highlights.

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What have been the creative ways you have pursued your gifts and talents while living a vocation to motherhood? Have you been supported in that pursuit? What could help you?

Ballet While Pregnant - Yes You Can

One of the big contradictions in pregnancy advice surrounds exercising while pregnant. Generally everyone accepts that exercise of some sort during pregnancy is to be encouraged. Where the disagreement happens is when we try to decide what we mean by "exercise". EVERYTHING is, apparently, potentially dangerous.

Yoga - might stretch something wrong

Running - might fall

Pilates - might use your core muscles

Biking - might bounce too much

The list could go on and on. Some of these fears are valid and some are due to outdated understandings of pregnancy. But what, especially first time, pregnant moms hear is "this is something that could potentially hurt my baby" so they don't do it.

Y'all most pregnancies are not that fragile.

Birth is a marathon of an event. I can guarantee you it will be much much harder than necessary if you have not allowed yourself to maintain strength and flexiability.

18 weeks pregnant.

Some have been surprised that I have still been taking my regular Ballet classes - even well into my second trimester. Most are a little shocked when they hear that I fully intend to keep dancing through my third trimester too. When I push a little about why they find this surprising they mention that they assumed it would be too hard to do Ballet while pregnant, especially showing. Some insist it is dangerous.

I suppose it is dangerous, but so is crossing the very busy streets around here. I have yet to hear anyone suggest I avoid doing that.

Last night I had my last in-studio class. Not because of the pregnancy but because we're moving. I fully intend to keep training on my own. I can give myself a barre and center fairly well at home.
I don't do pointe work on my own (nor to I encourage anyone to do so, pregnant or not), but I can certainly keep up the training exercises that will allow me to get back to pointe work when I pick a studio.

I believe pregnancy is actually an excellent time to be dancing Ballet. Pregnancy forces me to pay much more attention to how I'm holding my center and turn out. I cannot cheat strength when my center changes so much from week to week. Being forced to be honest about my current abilities can only lead to better work.

Yes, exercise can be dangerous during pregnancy, but I believe most women have the common sense and wherewithal to listen to their bodies and be honest about their limits.

If you did not have a regular exercise routine pre-pregnancy, don't be afraid to start movement now! You will need to start slow and steady, preferably with a teacher, but there are certainly more choices available to you than just walking the entirely of your pregnancy.

How did you keep moving during pregnancy? What is holding you back from starting movement?

Day in A Life - December 2016

The last time I wrote a Day in a Life post it was last April, I was largely focused on Ballet, and the kids were 3 years and not quite 2 years. My seasons of life change quickly, so I wanted to capture another Monday that is fairly typical of how our life rolls right now.

The kids are now 4.5 and 2 years old. I'm working on a play in addition to Ballet. When I captured this day, the kids were doing a winter camp at the rec center which will be over before Christmas. Still homeschooling, and apparently doing chores at breakneck speed. 

Here we go!

6:45  Wake up when Matt hands me the thermometer. #NFPlife

6:50  Have breakfast with the kids while Matt gets ready for work. Matt made awesome food and Irish breakfast has been the go to lately for me. (Thanks honey!)

7:00  Matt's out the door to work. Gotta have an early start if he wants a morning run.

7:15  Finish up breakfast and clear the table.

7:20  Get the kids dressed

7:30  Get myself dressed while the kids have free play until lessons

7:35  Put two loads of laundry into the washer. Therese insists on coming down to help. By which she means sweep.

7:45  Empty the dishwasher, and remind everyone what time it is.

7:55  Five minute pick up of toys and books

8:00  Lesson time. Today we're doing our Family Formation Little Lambs lesson on Latin prayers. Take away: while Therese might slur her English, her Latin is crystal clear. I'll roll with it.

We're working on how to properly hold a pen and write on paper. Therese is mostly just trying not to stab holes into the table. #HulkBabyProblems

8:15  15 minutes is about has much attention as I can expect for table work. John was interested in what Rome was when we were talking about Latin. I decide to let him watch something age-appropriate and related to Rome. A quick search of my super-duper helpful Homeschooling with Netflix facebook group and came across a recommendation for an episode from Torchlighters about St. Perpetua. We have a winner!

The activity involved making a paper doll with movable joints that allowed the kids to make their doll do the Sign of the Cross while we were learning it in Latin.

8:20  Taking advantage of John being occupied, quick run down to the laundry room to swap into the dryer. I take out the diaper covers to air dry, and do a fast round of bed making.

8:25  I start writing up the Dicken's Fair adventures from yesterday.

9:00  Finished the Dicken's Fair blog post right when the kid's show ended. Score!

9:05   Grabbed laundry out of the dryer with mini-helper Therese. She's in solid toddler helper phase, so she gets to carry her rug back upstairs. She was so happy about it! Yup, this phase is awesome.

9:10  Folding time, kids have free play.

9:20  Done folding and the kids come to put away their clothes. I know it won't stay nicely folded but the habit is what's important. At least that's what I tell myself.

9:25  Quick make up for me while the kids get their shoes on. I let them try first then help or coach as needed. Therese is so close!

9:30  Out the door for morning walk! After many days of rain, we finally have a nice sunny morning.

10:00  Drop the kids off at winter camp at the rec center around the corner.

John started instructing Therese in the "right" way to play with these toys. Therese proceeded to do whatever she was going to do anyway. #BusinessAsUsual

10:06  Back home. Put the kettle on to boil and turn on the new diffuser.

My husband won the diffuser and a bunch of oils at his office Christmas party. I'm having a fun time playing with them. I think I want to make a foot scrub or soak with this one!

10:20  Done with Matins, now to make tea before continuing onto Lauds.

10:30  Finished with Lauds. Tea time! Catching up with some of my favorite ballet vloggers while I have my tea and cheese.

If I pray on the floor I find it easier to focus and not have my mind wander.

10:45  Goodbye vloggers, it's workout time! I've been feeling like I'm losing a lot of strength since I can only sporadically attend ballet class with my current rehearsal schedule. Today I'll be focusing on legs and core.

Yoga mat + Theraband is about all I ever use. Sometimes the back of a chair as a makeshift barre. Keeping it simple.

11:15  Finished workout. Now to stretch and go over lines for rehearsal tonight. I find stretching at the same time helps with memorization.
           Also playing the Giselle soundtrack. Because I'm covering the creation of Giselle in my ballet history book right now. #UnitStudyForGrownUps

11:50  Time to go pick up the kids from camp!

12:15  Back home with the kids. Make lunch and my next batch of herb tea.

Today's menu: leftover spaghetti and meatballs with a green salad.
Pretty much all of our lunches are comprised of leftovers.

12:35  Because spaghetti + toddler = super messy, we have serious post-lunch wash up time.

12:40 Done with lunch. Reading time! Magic School Bus anything and Little House in the Big Woods are John's current loves.

1:00  Naptime! I've been making it a point to really relax for the first hour of nap so I'm going to go have some Netflix/Youtube veg time.

          Apparently I missed a Doctor Who Christmas Special!

          Verdict: It was kind of weird - even for Doctor Who. Now we know.

2:00  Ok I'm back. Typed up the morning of this post, and start on my email and social media updates.

2:45 Kids are up from nap!

3:00  Snack time for the kids. I do a quick tidy.

3:15  Just realized I've had my dress on inside out ALL DAY! I would be shocked no one said anything, but then again I walked around doing errands in full Victorian get up before Dicken's Fair yesterday and no one found that worthy of comment either. Oh Berkeley...

3:20  The kids have decided they want to play dress up in their room and will have a fashion show for me later. I guess I'll load the dishwasher then....

3:25  Ok dishes didn't take long. Make coffee!

         New Project! Overnight Lussekatter (aka. St. Lucia Buns) for St. Lucia Day tomorrow!

3:45  Therese decides she is done with John's plan and joins in the baking adventures from my back in the Ergo.

4:00  Matt's home! He stopped by the stores to get the last ingredients for dinner. It's Stromboli making time!

Whenever I make pizza dough, I make a double batch and then freeze half. Love having quick homemade stuff ready to go!

4:15  Stromboli in the oven!

4:20  John insists on finishing our chapter from Little House in the Big Woods. Cuddle time!

4:30  When your evenings are working time, late afternoon becomes your evening. Wine, coffee, and chatting with the husband while dinner bakes. #LifeisGood

5:00  Dinner time!

5:30  Dinner over. Matt helps me run lines while the kids "read" (i.e. make a giant mess with books.)

6:00  Monday Night Football for Matt so I go off to our room to say Vespers.

6:10  Vespers done. Now to read a little Homer before I leave for rehearsal. I'm currently working on the Iliad as part of my poetry study. I suspect I will be for a long while...

6:30  In Uber for the ride across town to the rehearsal space.

6:40 Quicker than usual to get here! Which means mattress moving duty. (We rehearse in a mattress store. There's a story.)

7:00  Rehearsal starts

8:05 First scene done

8:45  Second scene done. I'm not in the next scene so I have some study time. Probably should have thought to bring Homer. I make a note to remember to bring it tomorrow.

9:15  Break! Lounge on mattresses time!

The view from my mattress lounge spot.

9:20  Next scene which comes with a set change. We're covering more material than what we were originally called for now. Yea progress!

10:04  Rehearsal over. Time to move the mattresses back.

10:10  Heading out. So grateful I have a cast member who lives so close to me. Yea carpool!

10:20  Back home, with a little time to hang out with the husband.

11:30  All showered and ready for bed. Goodnight!
     

I won't have the winter camp child care break past the beginning of this week (and probably not that since they're both coming down with a cold), but for the past month-ish this is a pretty typical Monday. I do a lot, but I feel like I have a good balance of mothering time, prayer time, work time, down time, and time with my husband.

In order to write these posts I carry around a notebook and pen all day and jot down what I do and when. I would recommend it to Stay At Home Moms, especially those convinced they don't do much in a day. You're probably doing more than you think.

How Ballet Has Made Me a Better Catholic

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

When I'm in seasons like this one where I'm going to a different rehearsal every night and wearing my many hats, the lines between my little life categories start to blur. I start dancing in my theater rehearsal, praying while I sew ballet costumes, and slipping into my British accent for this play while in mass. 

I believe I haven't been as successful compartmentalizing my life as I wanted to believe. Things have been bleeding into each other, and that's actually a good thing. In particular, I think dancing Ballet over the past year has actually made me a better Catholic. Here's why.

1

Always Returning to Basics

Something I think a lot of cradle Catholics struggle with is forcing ourselves to re-approach things we think of as Catholic basics. There's an, perhaps unconscious, assumption that we have concepts like the Trinity down since "we covered that in 3rd Grade CCD, right?"

In Ballet, no matter if you're a 4-year old pre-ballet student or a seasoned Principal dancer, we all take class and we all start that class with plies. Yes, they will be harder and longer combinations the more experienced you are, but the basic bones are always there, no matter how long you've been dancing.

The basics aren't basic because they're easy but because they're fundamental. Everything else will not make sense without them. While Catholic theology might not be the kind of physical impossible that a Ballet would be without a firm grasp of tendu and plie, you are probably making logically impossible leaps by not dealing with those basics. 

2

Respect for Tradition

Here's something crazy about Ballet - we have no standard notation system. There is no universal method for writing down ballets. What you see performed on stage has largely been memorized by the dancers and taught to them by a ballet master who in turn memorized the ballet from their ballet master. This means dancers have a deep respect for that linage of teachers who have carried down ballets, many over centuries.

It suddenly becomes so much easier to accept the teaching of the Magisterium when you at least have access to documents of councils and the homilies of the Church fathers. 

3

Identities are Information Not Predestination 

When dancing with others, as you're likely to do, at some point you get to know them better. You might find out more about their past, political leanings, preferences, and quirks. In ballet, that is at most just information about your fellow dancers - not a determination of their limits.

I've seen so much unfortunate pigeonholing of fellow Catholics merely because they're not exactly what you expected them to be. Ballet has been a great practice in seeing people for who they are, but for also expecting them to grow and develop - what we're supposed to be doing as Catholics anyway.

4

Daily Leaps of Faith

There are things in Catholicism and Ballet that can only be prepared for and controlled up to a certain point. This was really hard for me. I'm very Type A and I like to know how things are going to turn out. 

Even the best dancers can only control certain turns so far. There is a point where you just have to go for it. I don't have complete control over things like the results of discernment, but I have to get better at rolling with what comes out of prayer.

5

You Need a Mix of Old and New

We are no longer in a world where the different schools of Ballet are developing in isolation from each other. The internet has been a boon to Ballet students who can now take advantage of the wisdom of professional dancers via Youtube and seek inspiration via Instagram. This also means that the traditions of each style are often getting mixed with the training in other forms of ballet and other forms of dance.

Catholicism is experiencing something similar. It's far easier to be exposed to the traditions of other Catholic rites now more than ever. We have blogs where families are allowing intimate views of how these traditions play out, Youtube channels of musicians letting their faith shape their music in beautiful ways, Etsy shops where creative Catholics make the fruits of their labor available to others.

None of these developments mean we are abandoning the traditions of the past - we're finding ways to integrate the tradition into the world we have now, while remaining distinctively who we are.

6

No One Else is Just Like You

Yes it's totally a cheesy Disney movie line, but it's true. It's truth shines out when you start dancing something as technically demanding as ballet. 

Most of us have really weird body things going on. Fact. 

For me it's *very* hyper extended legs, double jointed all over the place, and very flexible feet. I'm like a rubber man toy. This is not from training, I seem to have just been born this way. It gives me unique challenges (like closing my legs in fifth position. Like, ever.), but it also gives me the ability to create some really beautiful lines.

The same holds true for Catholicism. My mind and spirit have their own quirks. I love practices like Liturgy of the Hours, the Rosary, and living the liturgical year. I struggle with silent adoration. Turning my mind off is a massive act of will for me, but I have friends who find this to be the most effective way for them to pray. That's ok, we have different paths but the same goal of heaven.

7

Never Done

Do you know what the best dancers do every day? Practice. Ballet can always move forward, steps can get cleaner, deeper, more extended. Every time a ballet is danced it will be a little different, connections between partners can always become deeper, and artistry grow ever more embodied.

Same with your faith. We call the mysteries of the rosary mysteries not because they are ungraspable, but because they can always go deeper and lead us in ever stronger relationship to God.

Betty Bunhead Week - Ballet Intensive and a Surprise Party!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

It's the last day of Summer Ballet Intensive! Here's how the week went.

1

Day 1 was hard and a little overwhelming with trying to learn the teacher's style, barre routine, and expectations. But I was still feeling pretty good about things until we got to Pilates class. 

Oh Pilates class....

2

Day 2 I had to work through a lot of morning soreness, but I really did quite well. No ankle brace or painkillers needed all day!

But everyone kept talking about Wednesday as something to be concerned about, and.....

3

....Wednesday turned out to be the Day of Reckoning for dealing with the sheer physicality of dancing this hard.

I started getting some sharp pain in my ankle that is still recovering from an injury two weeks ago. Sharp pain is bad, and we're never supposed to work through pain like that.

I went home a little early after that and spent the evening resting and icing off and on.

4

Thursday we were back in business!

Mostly.

I have to remember not to overcompensate with the left foot just becuase the right is injured. No good having two hurt feet!

5

Thursday had a nice break for a surprise Engagement Party!

They are both from Georgia, and getting married in Atlanta, so it was a Georgia Peach theme!

I had a ton of fun with the DIY, and Matt planned all the peachy food.

More on that later!

6

Today is our last day of the intensive, and this afternoon is the Choreography class performance.

I'm really looking forward to showing the kiddos what Mommy has been doing all week. Some of these dancers I've been working with for months, but they have never seen my kids in person. 

7

Which just means I get to annoy them with showing the adorable photos Matt sends me!

But, come on, look at sweaty curly haired cuteness!!!

I really did miss the kids a lot. I love dancing, but I yearned for that afternoon hangout time with the little ones. They're really fun and awesome tiny humans!

Ballet Intensive Day 2: Not So Bad...But What Happens Wednesday?!

I did so good today!

Not like everything was easy (not by a long shot), but the only pain I had was the expected muscle aches. I did not need the ankle brace (or painkillers) at all!

Dancing without the brace is such sweet freedom!

Because I'm hyper extended in, like, everywhere, I have to work harder than everyone else for really important basic things. Like alignment, getting over my toes, and pulling up.

I had exactly one turn where the instructor said "Nice turn, but..." and I just stopped listening for a second to dwell on the fact that someone said "nice turn" to me. :)

I got through Pilates class, and the dreaded 100s, by essentially imagining this:

When you normally eat dinner at 5pm, having something like Pilates at 5pm is just extra mean. 

So hungry! And at that point I want normal, hot food. Not this health bar business. 

But there's this thing everyone keeps doing....

Student: "Do we need pointe shoes for this class?"

Teacher: "No, flats. Save the pointes for Wednesday."

What happens on Wednesday?

Teacher: "If you think you're sore now, just wait until Wednesday."

What happens on Wednesday?!

Teacher: "Enjoy your break because you'll REALLY want it on Wednesday."

WHAT HAPPENS ON WEDNESDAY?!?!

I'm both gots-to-know curious and terrified to find out what happens today. 

If I don't come back, assume it was death by pointe shoe. Or something equally beautiful and painful.

Ballet Intensive Day 1 - In Which Pilates Tries to Kill Me

First day of the week-long Ballet intensive was yesterday! Here's how they day went.

I'm on "schedule as usual" up until about 11am everyday, so I'm still trying to get my morning chores done (laundry, unload dishwasher, etc.)

Since yesterday was the Solemnity of the Assumption of Mary, we also squeezed morning mass in there! A little bit of a circus when it's just me with the preschooler and toddler. But we made it!

I set John up with a puzzle, and let Therese get her much desired nap, when we got back from mass. Double load of laundry to fold and lunch to pack!

I'm a little over-excited about getting to pack lunch. I normally just eat leftovers/whatever I create out of leftovers. Now I have a real opportunity to try out all the cute Pinterest lunch ideas!

Mason Jar Salad - Vinaigrette, Carrot, Barley, Greens, Feta

Smoothie - Banana, Orange Juice, Raspberries, Tumeric, Ginger, Chia Seeds

With short breaks (lunch is 30 minutes, and other breaks between classes only 15 minutes) I ended up only eating the salad, smoothie, and apple.

Found a use for my detested toe socks! It stops the jars from clinking around in my bag.

The hardest part of the intensive is the first 2 hours. This is the initial class.

A typical class, even as a professional, is 1.5 hours so this is quite long. I've never worked with this instructor before, and I'm trying to learn his style and choreography while working longer and harder than normal.

This intensive is open to both beginners and more advanced students, and there was a parting of groups into Intro and Advanced. Even coming off an injury - I somehow ranked in the more advanced group. I really think I'm somewhere between those, but that wasn't an option. I'll just have to get that much better even faster!

My ankle made it, but it was a little touch and go sometimes.

I got to the end of barre and the pain really hit me. This is how far I could go without pain before too. I put the brace on and took ibuprofen (per doctors orders) and kept going.

But I've never tried to dance with the brace on, so there was a little learning curve to figure out how to articulate through my foot and releve with the added resistance.
If I pull this week off - I'm going to have amazing, developed muscles in my feet!

After morning class, we get our 30 minute lunch break. I make a point to try and take breaks AWAY from the studio space. A few minutes in the sun and fresh air does wonders.

For me the really fun part of the day are the afternoon classes.

We have an hour long speciality class. Yesterday we focused on some basic turns and "across the floor" steps: ballet waltz, balance, tombe, and pas de chat.

Pas de Chat

This is the stuff that will REALLY help later. Tons of combinations use these steps, and they just have to be muscle memory in your body to really *dance* them.

But after this class my ankle had swollen up significantly more than the other. Ice time!

10 minutes of icing, it was back to being about the same size as the other. That left me less than 5 minutes to get warmed up for Choreography class!

I love working on choreography!
We BLEW through the hour. A good rehearsal pace is 1 hour for every 1 minute of choreography. We did 2.5 minutes of choreography in the hour. We might have a lot of pieces to perform on Friday if we keep moving at this rate!

I was feeling really good after that class, and actually had a minute to text my husband back!

Then we got to Pilates. I'm not a newbie to Pilates, and I was ready to have this be the less difficult part of the day.
10 minutes in I got the worst cramp of my life in my right leg. Imagine a charley-horse, but in your upper leg and involving every muscle in your thigh and through your knee. Now make it last over 10 minutes at a time. Eventually the left leg started misbehaving too. 45 minutes of cramping later, and the painful attempt to roll it out, I was so ready to go home and recup.

Foam Roller - hurts so good!

Today my legs are sore, but they feel like workable sore. I'll have to be extra careful warming up and stretching. Much of our morning class is done on demi-pointe, and that can be a cramp inducer by itself.

We were told that on Friday, we can invite family and friends to come observe this class and see our pieces. Having a goal beyond just "getting better at Ballet" is very helpful for me.

Onto Day 2!

Off to Ballet Intensive I Go!

Awesome news everyone - I've been cleared to dance the Ballet Intensive!

Sort of anyway.

I still have to bring the brace and wear it if my ankle starts hurting at all or if I'm doing anything risky, like new-to-me jumps, that is likely to put a lot of strain on my ankle.

I'm prepared to spend most of the evenings icing my ankle, heating pad on my back, and squishing in all of my baby snuggles!

Seriously, not being with the kids so much of the day might just be the hardest part of this plan.

Child Care Plan

I decided I wanted to do this intensive before I really had a set plan for important aspects, namely child care.

Thankfully I lucked out, this is one of Matt's more flexible weeks at work. He's smooshing all the meetings into the morning hours, and staying with the kiddos from about 11:15am on. Luckily, a substantial part of that will be normal nap time. 

(This would be a good week to sleep well, youngin's!)

Ballet Workshop Schedule

Here's what I am anticipating the schedule to be:

11:30 Ballet Class (Barre and Center)

Break for Lunch

2:00 Speciality Class (This could be focusing on jumps, turns, pointe work, etc.)

4:00 Repertoire (Learning variations from established ballets.)

5:00 Pilates 

We'll be done about 6:00pm every day.

Food

I'll need to pack a lunch and a few snacks every day. I'll be experimenting a little bit to figure out what works best for me.

On the try out agenda:

Mason jar smoothies

Granola Bars

Nuts/Dried Fruit

Hummus and Veggies

Mason Jar Salads

Cheeses

Sandwiches

Since I normally have a lunch of leftovers/creative reusing of leftovers, this is a big break from my normal.

I have some things I know are my "rescue foods". Things like oranges or a square of chocolate, that can really help quickly if I'm fading, getting nauseous, or crampy.

Matt will be handling the cooking of the dinners this week. He's a great cook, but I'm still trying to get as much of the food prep or slow cooker stuff done in the morning.

And here's My Sunday Best!

I got exactly one photo out of my 4 year old photographer, so y'all get a peek at my jerry rigged curtains (aka. shower curtain hung up with thumb tacks.).

Dress: Kohl's
Infinity Veil: Veils by Lily

The kids did so good at mass today! 

Therese waited ALL OF MASS for the Sign of Peace. It's her favorite part. Sometimes she jumps the gun and starts trying to shake hands with the people behind us during the Eucharistic prayers, but she held it in today.

Injuries, Injuries

Bad news y'all - got my first semi-serious injury since coming back to ballet. Of course it would be with only a week until intensive.

So I'm rehabbing! A lot of which involves some quality time with a yoga mat and theraband followed by ice pack love.

This is not how I saw this week going.
I knew something might be wrong as early as last Tuesday when I noticed I was avoiding fully standing over my right foot. In class on Thursday I was much tighter than usual. I'm gifted with a lot of natural flexibility and it's highly unusual for me to have any problems getting limber and warm for class.

We got to barre and I'm a little uncomfortable but nothing bad.

We did some promenades at the barre and I'm fighting for stability on my right leg. Fine, we just started working on these, it could be normal.

We get to the first center combination and I'm really starting to feel it when I need to use my right as my standing leg.

We get to the second center combination with developpes. These involve standing on one leg while the other folds up and out and down without ever getting set down.

This. Hurts. But it's so pretty!

Now the pain is stabbing and I just can't do it. I fade to the back of the class and try stretching it out a bit. Sometimes the tendons can get tight and they just need a chance to calm down.

I try to rejoin the class and the pain roars back.

 I check in with the instructor, get an ice pack, and spent the rest of center studying and stretching in the back.
Even when injured it's still worth while to be in class - listening and watching like mad. I try to see it as an opportunity to observe with more intensity how the other students approach the steps, but not being able to join in stings. A lot.

I pop up to do the final port de bra from the back, but I can't even complete the final curtsy.

Thankfully, I had a doctor appointment set up for the next day anyway, so I was able to be seen ASAP.
It doesn't look like a scary sprain (yea!) but I definitely have some inflammation going on in that ankle and we'll need to do an x-ray to make sure I'm clear for going up on pointe.

Here's the plan of attack: I have to wear an ankle brace anytime I'm walking around, icing and ibuprofen regularly. I have ankle rehab exercises I'm supposed to do every  evening to keep up strength. I'm supposed to take this week off from class so I can give it the best chance to heal and bring the inflammation down.

However, I can't completely not dance this week if I want to have a prayer of getting through the intensive next week. I'll be doing a lot of work at home. I'm leaning on my favorite ballet Youtuber, Kathryn Morgan, for workout videos focusing on improving turnout (which has everything to do with leg strength and very little to do with your actual feet.)
Pilates and stretching are on the agenda too.

I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to focus on building up core strength since I've been focusing on leg strength for many months. Finding those glimmers of sunshine!

One glimmer of sunshine was getting to take my son to pick up his first ballet school uniform! John will be starting pre-ballet, at the same studio I dance with, this September. He's super pumped.

And here's My Sunday Best with my stylin' ankle brace!

What's In My Dance Bag

Trying out the Works for Me Wednesday  and A Little R&R link ups this morning!

I'm gearing up for a summer ballet intensive August 15-19. I thought it might be fun to do a blog version of the ubiquitous "What's in my Dance Bag" youtube vlogs.

The Bag

I got this bag for perfect attendance at my dance school when I was 6 (I think). It's been my steady bag ever since. I've gotten years and years of use out of it. 

The zipper is starting to stick, and I've sewed up the seams countless times. I'm not sure it'll make it through the end of this season, and I will be sad to retire this little buddy of 20 years.

Hair Kit

This has my bobby pins, hair pins, elastics, and hair nets. I discovered they sell all the hair stuff in a dark brown option so I can FINALLY have hair supplies that match my hair color!

Hair Spray

Not just for setting immovable ballet buns! I haul this around because it will stop a tights run from getting bigger and help keep your leotard from riding up.

I don't think the ones that are more expensive, and better smelling, work very well. I seek out the cheapo Suave, set-your-80s-fro, hairspray. Nothing beats it.

Shoes

For this intensive, I've got my favorite ballet slippers ever and my Grishko pointe shoes plus very light toe pads. I also bring my Bunheads stitch kit every time I plan to go up on pointe because you just never know.

I also pack socks just in case I need a little more help warming up my feet before class. Most instructors do not want you to take barre in socks, so I make sure to change before class starts.

Tights

It's all about the convertible tights!

I have a weird fear of getting a massive hole in my tights and then being distracted by it the rest of the day. Therefore, I pack ALL of my tights in my bag and just leave them in there.

Totally rational.

Warm-ups

I always have my leg warmers in my bag. I'm hyperextended with very developed calf muscles. If I'm having a day where I'm more prone to cramps or tendon pain, having the leg warmers is a life saver.

I always bring some sort of sweater warm up. I switch between these two depending on which leotard I'm wearing that day.

Foot Care/Gear

Dancers rely on our feet and ask a lot of them - so it's of utmost importance to take good care of them. 

Warming them up properly is the best defense against injury. I always have my Theraband (I use the medium weight red one) and a tennis ball. The Theraband provides great resistance so I can build and work all of those tiny muscles in my feet. The tennis ball helps stretch out my arches and helps warm my feet up quickly for pointe work. 

Taping my feet is how I avoid blisters from pointe work. I use a Nexcare tape that is not marketed for dancers, but it's a little padded and I've found works really week as a toe tape.

I also carry an athletic tape if I need to give my foot, arch, or ankle any extra support.

My current quest is to find the ideal solution for dealing with weight distribution. My second toe is longer than my big toe - which is not ideal for going up on pointe. I've had some great suggestions from other dancers on Instagram so I'll report back if I find anything magical.

Wet Bag

In ultimate crunchy-mom-skills-meet-dancer-skills: I have found a new use for my baby's wet bags from cloth diapering! Those things are awesome for keeping my nice, dry street clothes so they don't get that studio musk everything else picks up. All the yucky sweaty stuff goes in there after class, and I just throw it all in the wash in the morning.

Outfit of the Day

I only bring the leotard and skirt I'm planning to wear that day. 

These are what I have in my collection right now.

Nice and wrinkly because this is "what's in my dance bag" not "what I just ironed for you."

Water/Gatorade/snacks

This intensive is scheduled 11:30-6pm every day that week. That means 6.5 hours of dancing every day, plus some warm up time before the first class. There is just no physical way to get through that without refueling.

I'm scouring Pinterest for yummy, portable, and non-messy (because sacred Marley floors!) snacks to bring for those days. The general rule of thumb is a snack per 2 hours at the studio - so I need to plan for 3 a day. Suggestions welcome!

I have to be careful about drinking too much water. It is incredibly easy to skew your electorate levels when training this hard. I aim to balance half a Gatorade for every 2 water bottles.

And that's mostly it! My current bag is a duffel style so everything just gets thrown in there before I go to the studio. When I get a new bag I would probably opt for one with more pockets. 

And hopefully not pink. That's actually the hard part of the criteria to fulfill.

Home Sweet Stage: My First Ballet Post-Babies!

I really did it y'all! First ballet after nearly eight years, and two babies. Here's how it went!

I still did my usual double mass attendance (8am with Matt and the kids, and staying to sing with the choir at 9:30am). I have noticed I sing better when I expect to dance afterward. There is something about the headspace I'm in to get ready for dance that corrects my stance and lets the air move better.

Matt was awesome and packed up food for the day while I was singing, so there was just enough time to drop books, grab ballet bags, and head down to the studio.

In most sports one takes the morning of a big game a little easy - maybe you stretch and do a good luck routine.
In ballet we still require you to go to morning class, maybe dance at 90% instead of 100%, to "warm up".

Then carpool really fast to the theater!
Because it was a great idea to make call time 15 minutes after class ends at a studio 20 minutes away.

But we still get there like:

Because dancers, we're still going to squeeze in another dress rehearsal right before performance.

Now it you've never done a dance performance you might not be acquainted with the joys of false eyelashes. You, quite literally, glue unnaturally long and thick fake hair to your eyelids. Seriously, who thinks of these things?!

It always make me feel a little like this:

It is the most stressful part of getting stage makeup on. Far enough into the face-getting-on process to REALLY mess things up if you do it wrong.

Rush, get makeup on!

Rush, get hair re-done (because you just danced hard for over an hour!)

Rush, get costume on!

Get to the stage door!

The wings!

On!

Dance, dance!

Now wait for four hours.

I always feel just like this:

You want the performance to happen. Really! 

What were all of those hours of rehearsals and late nights choreographing for if you don't perform it?

But, when you know this is a one off show, it also means the last time. The last time with this partner, on this stage, in this costume, doing this dance. 

A dance that has become something like a typically misbehaving toddler who suddenly does life in an amazing and perfect way!

There was some of our worst flubs in recent weeks during the final dress rehearsal so it was a "now or never" kind of moment before taking places on stage.

I never know exactly what is going to happen when those lights come on and the music starts.

But this time it was magic.

A funny thing happens under stage lights - suddenly there is nothing but you, the music, and your partner in the entire world.

We came off stage and met in the back hallway and did a double handed version of this:

Now, I will have no real idea of what it looked like until the film comes out, and I'm told that could be a good while, but it felt awesome!

Since it was still Mother's Day and all, Matt took me out for dinner.

Obviously the best post-performance feast involves an Old Fashioned and ALL THE CARBS!!
Seriously, there was a pizza too.

Thank you for everyone who came to the performance and who have been so supportive in getting back to this point! I'm truly amazed in the body's ability to grow stronger in such a (relatively) short time and just how much muscle memory was still in there. 

It would not have been possible without all the time, feedback, and willingness to put up with my (admittedly odd) dance process. Y'all are the best. :)