I'm typically busy. When you ask me how my week was "busy" is a likely adjective I will throw you. But I don't mean that in a negative way.

When I say I've been busy, I don't automatically mean: stressed, overworked, over-scheduled, tired, stretched thin, or at the end of my rope.

I just mean busy.

Busy handling the things God has given me to work on. Busy living my vocation. Busy carrying the crosses I've been given. Busy saying yes to my life.

I don't want to be un-busy. However, I don't want to be without quiet. Contrary, perhaps, to popular opinion, I'm a strong believer that busy seasons are hospitable to quiet. Here are some ways I find quiet in my busy seasons.

Morning Time

I am not one of those "wake up an hour before your family for quiet time"people. My brand of busy typically causes late nights, so I need to find a space for morning time in a different way.
Where I've found the most consistent time in the morning, for a little space for prayer and quiet, has been in my room after breakfast and getting the kids dressed for the day. The kids are normally happy at this point, so they can play in their rooms or in the day nursery on their own for 15 minutes.

Some mornings the plan works perfectly and I get a whole 25 minutes of undisturbed prayer time.
Other mornings I get 5 minutes and have to pick up where I left off after I put down the baby for her morning nap.
Sometimes it's a rosary prayed in the car while getting to an appointment.
But even if it's a go-with-the-flow kind of day, finding a morning time for prayer has been a game changer for me.

Evening Pause

I don't know about you, but I am TIRED when it's finally time for bed. But I've been making myself pause to say Evening Prayer the past few weeks. It's shorter than the morning prayer, typically only takes me 5 minutes to say, and allows me a chance to tap back into the universal prayer of the Church.

Ending the 24 hour news cycle

I have started reading my local, hard copy, newspaper over my breakfast. Every morning. That is the vast extent of my news consumption for the entire day.
I don't scroll endlessly on news apps anymore. Or get sucked into reading comment sections.
Don't. Read. The. Comments. refrain does not work on me when I know they're right there!

I'm still up to date. I am still connected and knowledgeable about the goings on in the world, but I have my peace back.

Tea Time

I have been having tea with my oldest son after his sisters go down for nap, or with all the kids if we have an early lunch. Sometimes we read. Sometimes we chat. Sometimes we plan.
It's stinkin' lovely.
It might only be so for like 3 minutes before someone is crying in frustration, but a little bit of lovely can buy a whole lot of mom patience credits.

Reading

I believe that reading and feeding the intellect is an essential part of self-care. Finding the time to read can be tricky. I've made a system that maximizes the opportunity for reading, even in my busy seasons (because, of course I would.)

 I thought about the main areas I would potentially sit down, or be stuck for any amount of time, and then I put a book there.
So I have: an upstairs book, a downstairs book, a purse book, and an audiobook.

Upstairs book is for before bed, or if I'm up there keeping an eye on the baby while the kids play.
Downstairs book is for naptimes and any at home evenings. Sometimes for reading over a baby's head while I feed or rock her.
Purse book is for when I'm stuck in a doctor's office, or when I'm being my chronically early self and show up 20 minutes before a meeting begins.
Audiobook is for when I'm driving alone or sometimes for working out.

There's wiggle room. My Well Read Mom book selection gets priority location when we have a meeting approaching, but this system has allowed me to feed my mind and soul, internal quiet, even in the busiest of times.

Fix What You Can Fix

There are things in all of our lives that suck away our quiet in little ways. One of mine was stressing out rummaging through a spice cabinet on the opposite side of the kitchen from the stove. It's a silly little thing, but when you cook everyday those little inconveniences add up.

I finally cleaned out a junk drawer (which brings the total number of kitchen junk drawers down to three. It's a process.) and made...a spice drawer! In my kitchen island! Right where I actually cook!

It's a small improvement but it has greatly improved my stress level in the kitchen.

I don't have to address every little daily stressor immediately. But I should take control of what is in my control, and change what I can change.

Write it Down

I'm finally figuring out a groove for me when it comes to calendars and planners. I'm not a planner junkie, but it honestly takes Google calendar, a paper monthly/weekly planner, a bullet journal, and four binders to keep me together.

It sounds overwhelming, but it has taken away the repeating mantra of to-dos that swirled in my head constantly before (and I STILL forgot some things!)

The greatest virtue of writing down my plans and days is now I know what I did. I have a record of changes and hopes and dreams.
I can see where my aspirations of the day did not match up with the reality of my day. I notice tasks that have been carried over for weeks that I should either outsource or just drop altogether.

Finally, I can see the fruit of my labors. Much of my days at home are doing the same tasks AGAIN. Every day, over and over.
Outside the home, it can be a long line of rejections, nos, dead ends, and dropped connections.
But writing down my days and plans lets me see that I am doing something. I am accomplishing something. Even if I accomplishing it again, I have accomplished consistency!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

How are you finding quiet in a busy season? Do you do any of these ideas already?

The Mom's Side of Tips and Tricks for a Relaxed Christmastide

Last week I shared my December liturgical year calendar that I am using with my kids this year. But how to make those celebrations and traditions happen without feeling frazzled, stressed, and resentful? Here's what works for me!

Start with your easy thing

Everyone has their go to first thing when starting a new tradition. It typically falls along the lines of food, craft, activity, book.
I am a food person. I will almost always start a new celebration with food. Crafts will typically fall last in that list of things to add to celebrations for me. My ranking would probably go: food, activity, book, song, craft. I have learned this about myself and I take it into account when considering how to celebrate a particular feast, liturgical season, or other holiday. It puts my chances of success in a good place if I start with something I will probably enjoy!

Write it down

I'm a big believer in lists and charts, but even if you are a free form essay or graphic doodler kind of person, you should write down your ideas! Write down your plans, write down what worked and what didn't, write down what you want to change.
Nothing happens without a plan - you just need to figure out your best method of planning.

I start with free form lists. Lists of holidays, things to cook, movies to watch, books to read, activities to choose from - whatever I might want to consider for inclusion in our celebrations.

Then I map it out on a calendar. I see when each holiday falls, I write in when I would want to make different things, and I make sure I've left myself enough time to only have 1-2 extra things a day (max) to do. I prefer to have scheduled day to-dos instead of a giant list of holiday to-dos.

I make a log so I can jot down what we do each of the days, and review the results in free form after the holiday season. Then I close the book and move on. Don't dwell too hard on anything that didn't go as you envisioned!

Baking week

I started doing this last year, and I loved it! It let me get all of the massive baking done for a church fundraiser AND stock the freezer with cookie dough for Christmastide. Win!
The big secret is I take an entire week to do my baking. It's a process. That's what makes it work well.

Monday - I mix the dry ingredients for each cookie type and put it in a labeled gallon baggie.

Tuesday - Begin mixing the wet ingredients into 2-3 of the types. Split in half. Wrap each half in plastic wrap, stack, and place back in the baggie that it was in for dry ingredients, place in the fridge.

Wednesday - Mix the remaining cookie types into dough. Bake half of the dough from the types that chilled overnight in the fridge. The unbaked half of the dough gets left in it's labeled gallon baggie and put in the freezer for Christmastide.

Thursday - Bake the cookie types mixed on Wednesday. Save those halves of the dough in the freezer.

Friday - Deliver cookies. Enjoy that my dough mixing is done before December!

I can make a massive amount of cookies with this method with minimal stress.
I highly recommend figuring out how much of each ingredient you will need and stocking up in November. The sales are great right now for baking!

Work earlier than you think is necessary

That baking week? It's done the last week of November. That seems crazy early, but I have learned it is almost always better to work earlier rather than later if your goal is a relaxed Advent.

Outsource 

That baking that I do the night before the holiday? The St. Lucia buns and St. Nicholas day cinnamon rolls? Those are homemade, but I don't do most of the work. I use the bread machine to do most of it. Most of our favorite foods during this holiday season are things I can dump in a crockpot. If I didn't enjoy doing the cooking and baking I would probably just buy the roll from the store.

My husband does all of the grocery shopping, and most of the meal planning.

My kids help me with a lot of the Ember Days cleaning tasks.

I buy a lot of gifts off Etsy and Amazon, and make sure to include the cost of my time when considering if I should make something, buy it, or do without it.

Use technology and the gifts of others when offered. No one wants a frazzled mom for Christmas. They just want you.

Aim for free and use what you have

You know what my official craft is on Christmas? Cutting up our wrapping paper that just came off of gifts and making a giant wrapping paper chain. It's a cheap, re-use, project and provides for fun decorations through to Epiphany.

We wrap up 12 Christmas books, that we already own, every year. One gets unwrapped on each of the 12 Days of Christmas.

Look around your home and see what could become a tradition out of things you already have. That means you can have traditions that don't require extra shopping, and may even save you time and effort!

Make the journey the experience

We do a little bit one day and wait.
A little bit another day and wait.
That waiting is part of the beauty of Advent, and I think it's the true secret to a low stress Advent and restful Christmas season.

How do you keep your Advent low stress and Christmas restful? Do you do any of these tips or is it something radically different in your home? What are you changing this year?

Hosting Your Own Retreat

Last week we hosted a retreat at our home! It was a very simple thing.

Something that has bothered me about retreats aimed for women is they are often 1. very expensive, 2. cater to a different demographic from me, or 3. don't have a way to easily remain in contact with women you have just gotten to know more personally.

Instead of waiting for someone to come along and drop the ideal retreat from the sky - you can make what you need! Here are some key things to hosting your own retreat.

The difference between a "retreat" and a "conference"

This is key, and often forgotten.
A retreat should entail some specific focus toward spiritual development, preferably something that would be difficult to do in your day to day life for whatever reason.
A conference is more focused on building connections, and might have spiritual practices but they may be optional or something already easily accessible in your daily life.
One is not better than the other, but they do have different purposes, and it's important to be aware of what your purpose is before you begin.

M'kay, onto the fun stuff!

Feed your group's needs

We were putting this on for young moms. Ours was a off-line meeting of some online friends from a Catholic mom Facebook group.
Something I heard consistently from the group was they struggled to find:

• in person spiritual discussions
• feeling directly fed by the priesthood
• finding time to go to confession with littles in tow

So we set out to meet those explicit needs! Your group mind need something totally different, and a good planning process will adapt to those needs.

The basic structure

This is how we structured our mini-retreat!

I like having a flexible arrival hour. That lets people get to know each other a little more before delving into small group discussions, and make connections.

I do feel that food is an important part of a retreat. This might just be a coffee/pastry break in the middle, it could be a potluck meal, it could be a family style dinner at the end of the day - whatever works for your budget + needs of the group.

Our group leader has a background in ministry, and she led us in a talk/exercise for evaluating where we were in our personal journey as mothers. The plan from there was to break off into small groups to discuss our responses, but we were a size of group that could either stay as one or split into two. We opted to just all discuss together. If you have a larger group, I highly recommend having some sort of break out time.

I asked a priest friend to come meet everyone, say a blessing for mothers, and offer confessions. It was part inviting a priest into an extremely chaotic, wiggly, young family world and part adding friendly hands to make it easier for young moms to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation. 

We ended on the early side since many of the women were attending another event that evening. 

Keeping it affordable 

We suggested a $20 donation per family. We were hosting it at my house, so no facility costs, had a free speaker, and kept food simple. Because kids and spouses were invited, we felt this was a fair cost and we broke even (goal met!)

Hosting in homes is cheapest, but might require keeping your group size on the smaller end depending on the home. We had 9 moms, 2 dads, 6 kids, and 2 babies, and that worked in our home.

What about kids?

We decided to open our retreat to whole families - especially because this was the first time the group had gotten together and our kids were a big part of our connection to each other. It also allowed women to attend for whom finding childcare/affording childcare would be a hardship.

Limiting it to just moms, or moms plus babies, would probably result in a much calmer event. Deciding what route to go just depends on your purpose and the needs of your group.

We did some things to make it easier to have kids present! There were various play areas set up, kids friendly snacks available, a changing station set up in a hallway, and some quiet bedrooms with sound machines for any nappers.

Deciding your audience

Who would you like to provide to opportunity for a retreat? Using a pre-made group, as we did with the Facebook group, is helpful to make notifying easier. Perhaps your bible study group at church? Your moms group?

Maybe it's a group you put together of someone you know from choir, someone you met at the park, people from various mom groups. Perhaps you have Instagram friends (don't laugh, it's a thing) that are local to you and you would love to see in person.
Be conscious of your goal, what these women have in common, and work toward feeding the needs of the group. It might look totally different from our retreat, but it will be good for your group!

Have you ever hosted something like this? Are you interested in doing so now?

What would your ideal retreat to host look like? What about your ideal retreat to attend?

ACHIEVING QUIET WHEN YOU HAVE A BUSY LIFE

I have two concurrent needs. I need to feel productive, like I am making progress and accomplishing what I need to get done. I also need to feel restful and rested.
I want work without the stress.
Rest without losing momentum.
I think it is possible! Here's what I'm doing to feel productive AND restful.

Don't Sit Down

Any marathon runner can tell you that taking advantage of momentum is key making it to the finish line. So I just don't sit down while I'm in a work mode! I put the baby on my back, type or write standing up at the kitchen island, keep my shoes on if I'm planning on hanging laundry or working in the garden.
Avoiding the start and stop of activity simplifies your entire to-do list.

Keep It Moving

It's not the big tasks that fill up your day, it's all the tiny little things. The laundry basket waiting to be brought upstairs, the books meant to go back to the bookshelf, food prep for multiple meals. I can't always do all my tasks in one big batch, so for those daily tasks I keep it moving!
I rarely go upstairs or downstairs with empty hands. I do things as close to when I notice them/think of them as possible. It's all part of keeping the momentum going.

Write It Down

How many times have you come out of the store and forgotten the two things you went in there to get? Or tried to remember all the appointments, pick up times, tasks, and things you wanted to talk to your spouse about in your head, only to forget most of them?
Stop avoiding your tools, and write things down! Get yourself a planner, make a bullet journal, utilize Google calendar. Spill out all the things you want to do, need to do, have to remember into whatever system you want to use. Lessen your own mental load!

Decide What Matters

Now look at your list and decide what matters. What areas need attention the most urgently? What things must be done every day? What are your long term projects?
If all of it is important, than none of it is important. Pick your things!

Break It Down

Breaking down tasks is the difference in achieving goals, and spinning your wheels. Every task, or goal, is something that can be broken down into clear steps.
I like to break things down by goal area. I have home, education, artistic, blog, marriage, family, and spiritual categories. Each month I pick two things in each category that I want to accomplish to feel like I'm moving forward in that category. Some things stay the same each month (regular confession is still a habit I am working on), some things change regularly. Be as specific as you can or need.

Build In Rest

Production is not possible without rest! A good farmer knows you cannot grow good crops if you exhaust the soil, a fallow time is needed. Define what is restful to you - with the understanding that this is a DAILY activity. Rest is not a once in a while thing.
I take the first hour of nap time as my rest time. I do not check email or social media. If any kids are not napping, they may play quietly or read books by themselves. That's my time to pray, read, sew, dream. We have worked hard to make this time for rest as part of our family culture. It was not a smooth thing to attain, but I cannot sing it's praises enough!

Enjoy

Find the time and distance to enjoy what you are working on! Sometimes I deliberately do something visually pleasing, like declutter a section of a room or make progress on a craft, just so I can see it over and over and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Not all, or even most, of our work gives us warm fuzzy feelings or grateful feedback. It's nice to give yourself a gift of pleasing work that doesn't disappear within hours.

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Here's some other posts you might enjoy.

HOW TO MAKE DECISIONS LIKE A TYPE A PERSON

ACHIEVING QUIET WHEN YOU HAVE A BUSY LIFE

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Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

How do you combine rest and productivity? What does rest mean to you? What does it take for you to feel productive?

How To Make Decisions Like a Type A Person

My husband and I are currently renovating a 1901 farmhouse. There is nothing like the pressure of investing your life savings in a place and making choices that you will have to live with for, most likely, forever. But we are doing it without too much mental stress.

I am a Type A, decisive, personality. It's true that I am well programmed to make decisions quickly and well, but there are learnable skills involved! You do not need to be Type A to make decisions like a Type A. Here is the process I use to make good decisions quickly:

First things first

To plan a wedding, it makes no sense to pick your bridesmaid dresses first. What time of year will it be? Evening or afternoon? Will they need a warm layer?
To plan a wedding you first need to pick a date if you want to make good choices for everything else.

For most every decision you make, there is a logical first thing you need to know before you can make other decisions well. This is, surprisingly, where I see a lot of people procrastinate. It is so tempting to get bogged down in details, and fail to begin, when that first logical step seems so concrete and real. Don't give in to temptation!

Have a deadline

You cannot be deciding on something forever. Pick a date/time, write it down, and stick to it.
I do this for everything! I know when I should be done reading a book, so I can easily break down a daily page goal to complete the book by that date. I set deadlines for myself for deciding what to wear (it might only be a 5 minute deadline, but sometimes I need that!).

Deadlines do not need to be stressful! Especially if I am making a tough or emotional decision, I think of the deadline as the end of having to hold this difficult thing in the front of my mind. The deadline allows me to set that thing down and walk away. Deadlines are mentally freeing!

Narrow what you are choosing between

You are not honestly choosing from the entire paint catalog! There are only so many realistic options. Don't look at options that do not fit your home, are out of your budget, or are unavailable. That's an unnecessary mental expenditure.

I use goal numbers to choose most things. If I can narrow it down to three choices, it is phenomenally easier to choose between them than if I was holding up every paint chip in the collection to hem and haw over.

Don't ignore the obvious

Sometimes there is only one logical choice. It's ok not to have something to choose between when the choice is clear and there is only one option! Don't dig for trouble where there is none.

Only consult relevant parties

You do not need to ask everyone and their mother what they think about your latest gardening options. I believe in only considering the thoughts and opinions of relevant parties. This will likely be your spouse, a manager, anyone you are paying to help you with this choice, etc.

Tell people what you are choosing between if you wish, but if you struggle with making decisions perhaps hold off. Don't let your head get noisy with opinions that should not carry weight.

Commit to your choices, write them down

Find a method of committing to your choices immediately once your decision is made. Maybe you email your spouse, write it in your journal or planner, text your mom. Find a way to put that decision in writing. I find that writing my thought down brings it into the real world and helps me feel less emotive about making a choice.

Live the choice

You've made your choice, now let it go! Break your mental struggle cycle. I think the #1 strength of the Type A person is the ability to have confidence in a decision well made. This is a learnable skill!
Recognize when you are mentally starting to question your choice and remind yourself of why you made the choice you did. If your decision making was sound, so is the decision.
Learning how to let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no, is very freeing!

What are your tips for making good decisions? Do you use any of these or are your strategies different from mine?

Reading within a Busy Life

Last week I wrote about why it matters that adults, especially mothers with young children, read. Really read. Physical in-your-hand books with meaningful deep reading. When I talk to other moms about reading I commonly hear that they would love to read but just don't see how they could find the time. How can you when your life doesn't seem to have a spare minute?

It's not truly difficult.

This kind of reading is not just for those with a talent for academia, but something that can only happen with slow and steady commitment - little steps along a road. Here's some of the ways that have worked well for me and some of my fellow deep reading moms.

Block off consistent time

This is probably what sounds so impossible about reading, finding the time! But as much as I love to recoup time and get things done in spare moments, deep reading just doesn't work that way. At least some of your reading really does need to be done in a dedicated time.
It is going to be very hard at first! Reading, especially deep reading, is a skill that takes time to flex and grow. At first you will probably feel the itch to check your phone, find something else to do, or just give up.

I like to dedicate 15-30 minutes before bed for reading. The first half of nap time is always dedicated to prayer and study for me, but it's not a reliable time right now with a young baby. So before bed it is! Find when you can have a reliable time to read and make it happen.

Bring a book everywhere

Think of all the times throughout the day when you find yourself with unexpected time: waiting for an appointment, waiting for a kid to finish a class, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. I noticed that this is when I would spend (too) much time checking Facebook, email, and scrolling, scrolling, scrolling! All the scrolling left me convinced I had no time for anything. But when I started taking a book with me everywhere, I started using that time to make progress on a book.

I will say this works better for some books than others. I like it a lot for nonfiction, books with lots of little sections, and fiction that sucks you in quickly.

Get a good book list

You want to read, but what to read? Everyone will eventually create a system of reading that balances genres and styles, but finding a good book list can jump start the process.
I'm a fan of The Well Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer. It's a large annotated bibliography that gives you a crash course in how to read that particular genre. I've been working through the Poetry and Autobiography lists for a long time now.

Find a reading buddy

I joined a Well Read Mom group and it has been one of my better life choices. The program forces me to read fiction, good fiction, and has a demanding schedule. I'm far more likely to plow through a hefty book when I have a date on the calendar when I'm supposed to show up having read the book.

It is worth being picky about your reading buddies. If no one in the group even tries to make a dent in the book, it's not a book club it's a social club. That's fine, but if you want to get reading you might need to look elsewhere for that help.

Love on your library

Periodically I go through the recently acquired lists at the library and search for particular authors or topics I like to stay current on reading. Often these are very popular in my library system so the wait can be lengthy on requests. When a book does arrive, it's like Christmas! I know that because the book is popular I probably can't renew it, or check it out again, anytime soon. So I make sure to finish it, and lo and behold I manage to make it through more books than I thought I could!

Fight the genre rut

We all have those genres that we gravitate toward reading, but it's very easy to fall into the trap of only reading historical fiction, sci-fi, etc. I challenge myself to alternate reading: fiction, poetry, drama, biography/autobiography, and historical non-fiction. I use the lists in the Well Educated Mind to request books worth trying, and browse the library recommended lists for more current options.

Use audio books and e-books sparingly

It's sooooo tempting to rely on audio books and e-books when you're busy! They do have their place, but I would strongly encourage you to use them sparingly.

From what neuroscience is showing, we do not activate the same places in our brain when using an e-reader or listening to an audio book. If what we're after is that deep reading that interacts and builds our knowledge base, than in-the-hand physical books need to make up the bulk of your reading material.
I know it's hard! But what's the point of trying to get all this reading in if your recall and brain impact isn't there? Read smart to make the most of your reading.

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Here's My Sunday Best from this morning with A Blog For My Mom!

I have John (5) in the choir with me every Sunday now. This morning he had a case of the wiggles.

Pro-tip: telling an antsy kid that "if you participate, mass goes faster" they can suddenly stand up!

 At least for 5 minutes, but 5 minutes can buy me a lot.

I tried hard to get a shot with my abalone shell earrings, but bad rainy day light + 5 year old photographer means this is the best option we got.

Spiritual Preparation for Labor and Childbirth

Somewhere in the last six weeks of pregnancy I hit a wall.

 An "I'm-so-done-with-feeling-huge-and-I-just-want-someone-else-to-hold-the-baby-for-a-minute" wall.

When that wall comes up, I need to shift my focus from my physical discomforts and pay attention to my spiritual preparation for labor and birth. These are just some of the things I have tried in the past, I would love to hear about other practices you use to spiritually prepare for labor!

Mother Blessing

It is very popular to have parties/gatherings to celebrate a new baby, even outside of the traditional baby shower. Past my first kid there really was not much I needed in terms of baby supplies. But I did need prayers and emotional support!

We had a mother blessing with our second child. The Book of Blessings has various forms of this depending on if it is led by a priest, deacon, or lay person - for a group, single couple, or just one mother. One of my good friends led the blessing, we made prayer cards for the baby, pregnancy, and birth, and lit prayer intention candles for each card. (I planned to use the candles during the birth, as a sort of relighting of the prayer, but labor had other ideas.)

I am hoping to make the group mother blessing our parish's Pro-life Committee sponsors, but that might depend on when baby decides to be born!

Prayer Cards from near and far

I found the prayer cards to be a wonderful way to connect with female friends and family who live far away! We decorated our cards at the blessing, and my mom, sisters, and far away friends mailed me their cards. I hung them up where I was likely to spend a good amount of my labor, and I kept them up through baby's first year.

She still has a stack of beautiful prayers in her baby box she will be able to look back on when she's older. I love the idea of a physical reminder for that baby to be able to see how many people were welcoming her, even if they lived far way.

Offering up Labor 

I have had very predictable twelve hour labors so far. That leaves a lot of time for prayer!
Bringing prayer intentions into labor helps me keep my mind off the pain. It is my greatest chunk of time to use as non-stop prayer, and, let's me honest, there's a lot of "offer it up" material!

In my last weeks of pregnancy I collect prayer intentions into one condensed list. I'm hoping to make this baby's list a little nicer looking than my previous loose-leaf binder paper lists.
(Bullet journal people - y'all seem good at making lists pretty. Ideas?)

36 Weeks! #MySundayBest with A Blog For My Mom

If you have a prayer intention for me, leave a comment or send me a message or email! (underthyroof at gmail dot com) I'm due September 23rd, but baby could come anytime starting Saturday so send them as soon as you can so I don't run out of time!

Do you do any spiritual preparation for labor and birth?

Postpartum Lessons + What's in My Postpartum Kit

The greatest lesson I learned from giving birth to my first baby was that birth is not the hard part. Birth is a finite thing - that baby is coming out one way or another. What really got me long term, physically and mentally, was postpartum.

Postpartum was a drop kick into deep water that first time around. I went from having regular appointments with my midwife, to the office not even having my file available when I called them about potential PPD within the first six weeks. "Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative" meant that I came home from the hospital incredibly sleep deprived. I had no idea what I needed much less how to get my needs met.

The prep classes from the hospital were about the process and tools for getting through labor, with a nod to postpartum at the end. In fact almost all of the pregnancy books given to me/that I found at the library focused on getting through labor as smoothly as possible, but completely missed the gravity of postpartum care needs.

Once I was postpartum, and in desperate need of help and care, it seemed like the general response of both the medical system and my community was to stop their ears and shut their eyes. The recent study regarding maternal mortality rates was oddly comforting. It's not just in my head, postpartum nurses are ill informed about postpartum dangers and consequently do not respond adequately. The difficulties I went through with my first postpartum experience are not normal and should not have been ignored, but they were.

Hopefully I am now a better advocate for myself in the postpartum period, but frankly that is not something we should be demanding of postpartum mothers! It should not be the job of the suffering, bleeding, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed to get those in authority to do their jobs properly. Period.

I do things drastically differently now.

I am very upfront with my providers regarding my concerns about postpartum, and I don't let non-committal answers slide.

My husband takes at least two weeks off from work if at all possible.

We plan out meals and resources. The time to search for a babysitter, mental health provider, lactation consultant, etc. is NOT during your postpartum. Trust me, get those names and numbers written down and available now.

I educated myself about what true normal is and what it is not.

I learned about myself. The truth is there is a wide gulf of grey between "immediate medical emergency" and "still not ok". It's in that grey space that far too many women spend their postpartum. But it does not have to be so! With my last two babies I have learned the things that get me out of the grey into the light zone of "doing ok".

Nothing here is a magic bullet, but everything in here has been a help to me. Maybe it will help someone else!

Here are the top seven things I keep in my postpartum basket.

Aromatherapy

The scents that I associate with being calm and supported can make me relax and slow down so quickly! These are the same scents I use in labor, and frequently when having a recovery day during intense dance or theater times.

I have this pod diffuser, but generally prefer to do a drop or two on a cotton ball for the smell. That way if it's not working for me that day, I can just put the cotton ball back in the baggie and it's gone.

Spiritual Support

I completely forgot about the importance of spiritual support in my first postpartum. Prayer and connection to the wider Church is a great way for me to combat the feelings of isolation in those first few weeks. This small crucifix and bottle of holy water live on the dresser next to my bed during postpartum. There will also be a rosary, but it's currently living in the labor kit.

Tea

I have a taste in tea that will make real tea lovers cringe. My other favorite is Orange Spice...cringing yet?

But this is what my coffee-lover heart likes when I want something hot to drink but should really be cutting down on the caffeine for a bit. Whatever says homey comfort to you, put it in the postpartum kit!

Cloth Breast Pads

Breastfeeding will likely not be long lived again, but I like to have these cloth breast pads in the postpartum kit just in case. I find the cloth pads much more comfortable than the disposable version. When everything else in your body is a little achy, I believe in upping the comfort level where ever possible!

Belly Wraps

It was a shock to me to try and sit up in bed after my first was born. I couldn't do it! Those poor abdominal muscles have just been through a multi-month stretch and they are plum tuckered out.

Starting about day two or so I like to start gently wrapping my belly. I use a super long wide cotton muslin for wrapping at home, and a Velcro one from Target when out and about.

It makes a big difference for retraining all of my muscles what straight feels like when I've gotten sway backed and off during the final weeks of pregnancy.

Cloth Pads

I'll be honest, I thought it would be a lot grosser to use cloth pads than it is in reality. They are fantastically more comfortable than wearing the giant disposable ones for weeks. The less I can feel like a small child in a diaper the better.

Tinctures

Both of these herbal tinctures are now requirements for my postpartum kit!

After pains were not explained well at all before I had my first, and holy cow they don't get any better with later babies! Taking the AfterEase with ibuprofen did wonders for being able to take the edge off the pain in those early days. I find the ibuprofen works longer, but the AfterEase works faster. Faster is important!

I have learned that the most dangerous time of day for postpartum me is evening and night. ReBalance taken with my placenta pills before bed helps calm the hormonal swings of night wakings and sporadic sleep. (Sleep is still extremely important though people! Do not skimp on the sleep!)

Not in the kit but prepared and ready in the house:

Freezer meals that can mostly be thawed and dumped in the crockpot.

Cookie dough is an accidental addition to our postpartum traditions, but having some fresh baked cookies in those early days has turned into a sweet way to welcome a new member of the family.

Maternity Tea is something I drink all through pregnancy and through my postpartum. I mix up my own infusion herbs from bulk. My recipe is very similar to this one.

Sitz Herbs for healing. I've never torn (knock on all the wood) but sitz bath herbs are still soothing during the recovery period.

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For a little background about why I care so much about postpartum care:

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What are some of your postpartum must haves? What have you found to be a helpful addition to your postpartum?

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

Pleasant(er) Travel with Small Children

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

We have set out on our massive, crazy, summer trip! At this point, even at barely 5 and almost 3, the kids are pleasant travel buddies. They share our enthusiasm for exploring new places and embrace the experience of travel. But it is only pleasant with a decent amount of planning and organization. They are still normal kids after all.

Cleaning Day

Two days before we leave is cleaning day! The kids help. We start the laundry to get ready for packing day. We sweep, mop, and vacuum, clean out trashcans, wash all the sheets and towels, scrub the bathroom, etc. It is *so nice* to come home to a clean house and only have to worry about doing the laundry from the trip.

Yes, the helmet is overkill. But he was still helpful with it on, so it was allowed to stay on.

I have a list of things that must be done either the night before, or the morning, that we leave. Take out the trash and compost (including the coffee filter. Trust me on this one.), start the dishwasher if needed, and unplug/turn off all non-essential electric devices. Coming home to the smell of rotting garbage is best avoided.

Research!

It pays off to check the websites of your airport, airline, hotel, etc. for specific kid resources. Knowing what terminal has the kid play space is a life saver in the event of a flight delay.

Happy kiddo in the midst of a multi-hour flight delay. The kind that's so bad the airline gives out meal vouchers.

I also check for things like laundry availability at hotels and local attractions that have free or cheap kid admission costs.

Directed packing

Packing day is much less stressful if the kids can help with the packing.
We do directed packing. I have the master packing list and I send the kids off to their room to bring me a specific number of items. 5 short sleeve shirts, 8 pairs of underwear, etc. The kids get some agency in what clothes they bring, and only clothes that are appropriate and useful get packed. Win!

The kids currently share a big duffel as the "kid bag". To keep their stuff separated they each have a separate trash bag that their clothes stacks are wrapped in. Small items (socks, underwear, swim suits, etc.) are put in a gallon baggie so they are easy to find.

Kid Packs

Each of the kids has a backpack that fits them relatively well. They each contain:

• 3-4 books (Picked by each kid, but fit easily in the backpack. It's an important qualifier with my kids. John tried to pack the fully illustrated Harry Potter once.)
• A coloring book or activity book.
• Small pad of paper
• Stickers
• Small baggie with crayons, pencils, and sharpener.
• Kid headphones
• Small toy

Each kid also carries their own water bottle in an outer pocket.

To test their choices, the kids have to wear their backpacks for a decently long walk. If it's too heavy, they have to swap something out or leave it out. They are in charge of their own packs in airports and other travel locations. Mom is not a pack mule.

Snacks go in parent backpacks

I learned the hard way that kid snacks are best portioned out slowly. The kid packs are designed for the kids to have free reign to choose from the materials. Having verboten items in there is a recipe for melt down, but if they all get eaten in the beginning there is nothing for when they are actually hungry. So snacks go in parent back packs!

I also have a wet/dry bag (the cloth diapering item that keeps on giving!) in the parent packs with a change of clothes for each kid, travel wipes, and hand sanitizer. Because if you need it, you need it NOW!

TripIt App

I love this thing! The last thing I want to do is be scrambling around for a confirmation number at the airport. I forward all of my itineraries to the TripIt email and it builds an itinerary that I can pull up via the app on my phone. It keeps plans in order and pulls the current part of the itinerary, and the next stop, to the top of the list. We have a complicated trip this summer, and this thing is a life saver!

White Noise 

Good at sleeping while traveling! Not so good at staying in place.

My kids are used to white noise and it's so helpful for getting kids to sleep in unfamiliar places. I go through the trouble of bringing our sound machines, because I don't want my phone to be held hostage during nap time by a white noise app, but I have used an app when traveling abroad to cut down on baggage weight and not have to worry about voltage issues.

What are your best tips for crafting a pleasant travel experience with kids in tow?

Moving Halfway Across the Country with Young Kids

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

This past week we moved from Berkeley, CA to St. Louis Park, MN. It's been a saga. I would not claim moving with kids is easy, but there are some things we did with this move that made the process easier.

1

Find a way to make baths happen everyday

During the moving process there is so much upheaval. The packing and moving makes living spaces very dusty, and being outside so much meant by the end of the day there was a decent amount of dirt, dust, sand, sunscreen, and who-knows-what on these kids. 

My kids are very used to bath time starting the train to sleepy time. If I can just get them in a tub at the end of the day, nighttime goes so much better for everyone!

2

Bring the white noise machine

We're used to sleeping with white noise machines in each bedroom, and I was very grateful for that during the move. Having that consist sound for sleep was great for thin walled hotel rooms and even for getting used to the sounds of our new home.

3

Explore!

Much of the time it only made sense for one of us to be at the apartment/house and the other to be the kid wrangler. The best mode of kid wrangler is out of the house, and if you need to be out of the house might as well do fun stuff!

I became kid wrangler so the kids and I had adventures! Everywhere! We hiked the trail next to the hotel, made a whole ceremony out of getting free snacks from the hotel lounge, tried out our new library, 

4

Plan one fun meal each day

We were traveling, in different hotels, and then essentially camping in our new house for over a week (and counting).  We had bagels with cream cheese and bananas for breakfast, and sandwiches for lunch, most days. We requested a fridge and microwave in hotels which greatly broadened our meal options for non-restaurant meals.We liked to pick either lunch or dinner to be the fun dinner out. It was a great way to stay on budget. Honestly, my littles could only handle one restaurant meal each day from a good behavior stand point alone.

5

Don't Over Pack

I know this is so hard when traveling with little people, especially when you cannot be exactly sure when that moving van will show up at your new place, but traveling with only as much as you need saves so much headache. Especially because we were flying, I wanted to keep our number of bags, and the weight of those bags, on the lower side.

My strategy has been little kids all share one brown duffel bag which they pack under mom supervision. We generally bring enough clothes for five days at a time. We always always always pack swimsuits, fleece jackets, church clothes just to be prepared.
Each kid gets a kitchen size trash bag labeled with their name put into the duffel. Socks, underwear, swim suits all go in a gallon sized ziplock with their name as well.
All kid toiletries go in Mom or Dad's bag since that helps streamline the set up process when we arrive out destination. 

6

Preparing the Kids for Moving

We prepared the kids for moving for months. They saw pictures of the new house, we researched local parks, parishes, and activity options so we could talk in more detail about what would be around in their new neighborhood. We read probably every picture book about moving our local library had in their catalog. Our favorites were The Berenstain Bears Moving Day and Moving by Fred Rodgers (aka. Mister Rodgers!).

We were also very honest about the process of moving. We each encouraged the kids to ask questions and made sure not to sugarcoat things. We probably will not be back in our old town for a long time so these goodbyes will very likely be the last in person visit for most of their little friends. Talking about how they met the friends they have now is useful for helping kids picture how they might make new friends in their new neighborhood. Because they have had success at this friend thing before!

7

Prepare Yourself

Little kids will generally mirror the attitude and perspective of the adults. If YOU are not happy about moving, are scared or unsure if this is a good idea, the kids will probably follow your lead. The best prep for getting through the moving process is to get yourself prepared! Figure out what you need to feel secure in the decision to move and what you will need set up in your new home first off.

For me, picking a parish is huge. I use my parish as home base for finding community and if I can find a solid parish I have a lot more confidence that connections will happen.

Have you ever moved with little kids? What are your moving tips?

I Survived Two Weeks of Solo Parenting + A Giveaway!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

Today is the last day of the longest stent of solo parenting I have had to do to date (yea!!) The past two weeks have been testing, clarifying, and surprisingly fruitful. Here are some things I was immensely grateful for during this trip.

1

Crockpots

I learned a few trips ago that continuing to eat our regular style of meal, even when I'm the only pair of hands for the shopping, prep, cooking, and clean up, makes me feel loads better.

But I'm still only one person, so the crockpot has been amazing!

And I'm talking easy, toss it in, crockpot meal. None of this browning, saute, do-75%-of-the-recipe-before-it-goes-in-the-crockpot business. Top winners have been Rosemary Garlic Chicken and Pho.

2

Movie Nights

By that token, having a movie night series post dinner has been great! Since there is normally only an hour or less until bath time once dinner is over, it takes us a 2-3 nights to finish a movie.

We're on a musicals and British children's movie kick. Meet Me in St. Louis and The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep. Have been big hits.

3

Blog Community

When my husband is traveling it can feel like I haven't had a real conversation with anyone all day. Thanks to my ladies of Everyday Ediths and Young & Wild Catholic Mamas who have been great for encouragement, prayers, and interaction!

Also a huge thank you to Allison Gingras for having me on A Seeking Heart radio show last week! It was lovely chatting with you! If you missed the show, you can listen to it here.

4

Self-care Strategies

Not every day is sunshine and roses, and it gets hard when you realize that it's just you on deck. I have taken advantage of all of these self-care strategies this past week, and they have made all the difference for me!

5

Babysitters Who Got This

We were able to set up sitters for the Mondays and Fridays of this trip so I would be able to have one night at the Ballet studio and one leading the Endow group and Adoration at our parish. It was so nice to have that time and know my kids were going to be fine.

6

Prayer

I lean heavily on prayer, especially the rosary and the Liturgy of the Hours, when Matt is traveling. My greatest struggle with prayer is just starting. I like to say the Office of the Readings and Morning Prayer together after breakfast, Evening Prayer after putting the kids down, and Night Prayer before bed. Those time triggers make all the difference for making my prayer time happen!

I have heard a few priests refer to the rosary as "Mary's Rocking Chair". and I totally get it now. No matter how stressed or overwhelmed I get, saying the rosary is like climbing onto your moms lap and just being held for a while.

7

Speaking of rosaries, I have a giveaway for you all!

In celebration of this little blog getting to 200 Facebook page likes. I'm giving away a pocket rosary from Rosaries by Allison! Thanks for visiting this little corner of internet and being awesome everybody!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Reset Tools - For When Your Day Has Derailed

Ever have one of those days where it feels like the entire day just got off the rails? Life starts to feel out of control. While your rational brain knows these are all little insignificant things happening, the impact has worn on you and you just want a reset button.

We had one of those mornings today. 

A bad night of sleep, while already sleep deprived, plus early rising toddler and misbehaving preschooler.

I was emotionally done with today before 8am.

Since I, clearly, cannot actually check out of the day before it's really began, I started my bad day reset tools. These are the things I use to get in a better mood, clear my head, and mother in a less irritated fashion. I start with whatever sounds good at the moment, or just pick one at random.

Drink Water and Have a Snack - When I'm having a bad day, I stop taking care of my own needs because I'm going into crisis mode. Taking 5 minutes to have a snack (preferably with protein in it) and a big glass of water helps me start the train of properly taking care of myself again.

Get Outside - This instantly gives both me and the kids some breathing room. Get some Vitamin D and go slow. You don't even have to go anywhere. Some of our best walks have been going very slowly around the block inspecting all the bugs, flowers, and other critters we find.

Hot Beverage - Something about warm drinks makes me instantly feel cozy. Coffee is my go to, but you could also go for the soothing chamomile tea option.

Aromatherapy - My husband won a bunch of essential oils and a diffuser at his company Christmas party and I have been making excellent use of them! Lavender is an obvious go to when stressed out, but I find mixing it up with other scents helps me snap out of my mental funk. My favorites right now are the Uplift, Fresh, and Focus blends from Everyone.

Pamper Time - If I can take a break (maybe during naptime, have the kids play outside, or have a movie afternoon) I like to do some pamper time things. I make a DIY foot soak with epsom salt, baking soda, and some essential oils. Use a rice sock. Give myself a hand massage with yummy smelling lotion. Sometimes my muscles need a little reminder to stop holding all the tension.

Get Moving - Once the kids are in a more cooperative mood (or at least occupied) I get moving! Turn on some music that makes you happy and have a dance party. Stretching is super great for getting me in a better mood. I will often do my Pilates/stretching rosary to get me reset both physically and spiritually.

Call on Helpers - When  it feels like the above tools are not working (which happens sometimes) I call in reinforcements! I might call my husband just to commiserate. Text with a friend. Go to the park and introduce myself to someone new. The goal is to get me out of my mental rut and get re-grounded in reality. 

What are some of your bad day reset tools? Do you do something totally different?

Car-Free with Little Kids

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

We have been very blessed to live in an area where having a car is not necessary. I have not personally driven in almost eight years, and we have never owned a car. Many family and friends assumed we would need a car after our first child was born, but I especially love being car-less with kids. They develop a lot of walking stamina and leaving the house is as simple as putting on shoes, and maybe strapping on the Ergo, and LEAVING.

It's not possible in every area, but, if you want to give the car-less life a shot, here's how we make it work.

1

Budget lots of travel time

Little legs have a max speed, so it normally takes me a good 20-30 minutes to get somewhere that's a mile away. I've found it's worth it to take a more pleasant route that is a few minutes longer, than the quickest, but less beautiful, path. 

2

Practice different terrain and going longer distances

We live in a very hilly area so my early walkers all get lessons in how to go up and down hills. (It's more complicated than you think.) We also ease in to longer longer (and hillier) distances bit by bit with the toddlers to build up stamina. The goal is to get my 3 year olds comfortably walking a mile.

3

Backup Babywearing

Just in case the toddler is less ready, or just less cooperative today, than I had hoped - I bring a backup Ergo in my tote bag. It beats carrying a deadweight toddler (or worse, a squirming toddler) in arms until you get to your destination.

4

Cut down on what you need to bring when out and about

Space is at a premium when you have to carry anything you might need while out. I have a zippered tote bag of sand toys that comes along to the park, and I bring water bottles for everyone, but that's mostly it. I don't carry snacks, backup clothing for the potty trained, or toys and books. Therese is most of the way to potty training so I don't need a diaper bag (or bottle bag) right now.

Figuring out what you really need and use is important to achieve feeling less like a pack mule.

5

Get a transit card

We have these lovely transit cards in my area that are loaded with funds that are applied when you touch the card to a reader before boarding a bus, train, or trolley. There are often discounts for using the cards (instead of buying a pass every morning), and it's phenomenally faster with kids.

6

Join a carshare

Eventually there comes a need to go further than your legs, or the bus lines, will allow. For things like hikes and Thanksgiving visits, we use a car from our local carshare. There are cars located all over the city and you check it out for a period of time. All of the carshare companies have their own rules and rates so shop around. (For weekend trips, it's often cheaper to rent a car from a traditional car rental. Again, shop around.)

Additional note: invest in a carseat that is lightweight and easy to install. Those bases are not helpful when they don't stay in a car.

7

Make use of delivery services and DIY

We live very close to a grocery store, but carrying bulky or heavy things home is still a challenge. I've made use of the Grove Collective, Amazon Prime, and Diapers.com for bulk wipes, cleaning supplies, formula, etc. 

I also DIY a much of things that I just didn't want to carry home anymore - bone stock and hand soap are my biggest ones. Now they're cheaper and better than what I was buying at the store AND I don't have to carry them home. - win!

What questions do you have about being car-less with kids? What did I leave out? Share your tips too!