I'm typically busy. When you ask me how my week was "busy" is a likely adjective I will throw you. But I don't mean that in a negative way.

When I say I've been busy, I don't automatically mean: stressed, overworked, over-scheduled, tired, stretched thin, or at the end of my rope.

I just mean busy.

Busy handling the things God has given me to work on. Busy living my vocation. Busy carrying the crosses I've been given. Busy saying yes to my life.

I don't want to be un-busy. However, I don't want to be without quiet. Contrary, perhaps, to popular opinion, I'm a strong believer that busy seasons are hospitable to quiet. Here are some ways I find quiet in my busy seasons.

Morning Time

I am not one of those "wake up an hour before your family for quiet time"people. My brand of busy typically causes late nights, so I need to find a space for morning time in a different way.
Where I've found the most consistent time in the morning, for a little space for prayer and quiet, has been in my room after breakfast and getting the kids dressed for the day. The kids are normally happy at this point, so they can play in their rooms or in the day nursery on their own for 15 minutes.

Some mornings the plan works perfectly and I get a whole 25 minutes of undisturbed prayer time.
Other mornings I get 5 minutes and have to pick up where I left off after I put down the baby for her morning nap.
Sometimes it's a rosary prayed in the car while getting to an appointment.
But even if it's a go-with-the-flow kind of day, finding a morning time for prayer has been a game changer for me.

Evening Pause

I don't know about you, but I am TIRED when it's finally time for bed. But I've been making myself pause to say Evening Prayer the past few weeks. It's shorter than the morning prayer, typically only takes me 5 minutes to say, and allows me a chance to tap back into the universal prayer of the Church.

Ending the 24 hour news cycle

I have started reading my local, hard copy, newspaper over my breakfast. Every morning. That is the vast extent of my news consumption for the entire day.
I don't scroll endlessly on news apps anymore. Or get sucked into reading comment sections.
Don't. Read. The. Comments. refrain does not work on me when I know they're right there!

I'm still up to date. I am still connected and knowledgeable about the goings on in the world, but I have my peace back.

Tea Time

I have been having tea with my oldest son after his sisters go down for nap, or with all the kids if we have an early lunch. Sometimes we read. Sometimes we chat. Sometimes we plan.
It's stinkin' lovely.
It might only be so for like 3 minutes before someone is crying in frustration, but a little bit of lovely can buy a whole lot of mom patience credits.

Reading

I believe that reading and feeding the intellect is an essential part of self-care. Finding the time to read can be tricky. I've made a system that maximizes the opportunity for reading, even in my busy seasons (because, of course I would.)

 I thought about the main areas I would potentially sit down, or be stuck for any amount of time, and then I put a book there.
So I have: an upstairs book, a downstairs book, a purse book, and an audiobook.

Upstairs book is for before bed, or if I'm up there keeping an eye on the baby while the kids play.
Downstairs book is for naptimes and any at home evenings. Sometimes for reading over a baby's head while I feed or rock her.
Purse book is for when I'm stuck in a doctor's office, or when I'm being my chronically early self and show up 20 minutes before a meeting begins.
Audiobook is for when I'm driving alone or sometimes for working out.

There's wiggle room. My Well Read Mom book selection gets priority location when we have a meeting approaching, but this system has allowed me to feed my mind and soul, internal quiet, even in the busiest of times.

Fix What You Can Fix

There are things in all of our lives that suck away our quiet in little ways. One of mine was stressing out rummaging through a spice cabinet on the opposite side of the kitchen from the stove. It's a silly little thing, but when you cook everyday those little inconveniences add up.

I finally cleaned out a junk drawer (which brings the total number of kitchen junk drawers down to three. It's a process.) and made...a spice drawer! In my kitchen island! Right where I actually cook!

It's a small improvement but it has greatly improved my stress level in the kitchen.

I don't have to address every little daily stressor immediately. But I should take control of what is in my control, and change what I can change.

Write it Down

I'm finally figuring out a groove for me when it comes to calendars and planners. I'm not a planner junkie, but it honestly takes Google calendar, a paper monthly/weekly planner, a bullet journal, and four binders to keep me together.

It sounds overwhelming, but it has taken away the repeating mantra of to-dos that swirled in my head constantly before (and I STILL forgot some things!)

The greatest virtue of writing down my plans and days is now I know what I did. I have a record of changes and hopes and dreams.
I can see where my aspirations of the day did not match up with the reality of my day. I notice tasks that have been carried over for weeks that I should either outsource or just drop altogether.

Finally, I can see the fruit of my labors. Much of my days at home are doing the same tasks AGAIN. Every day, over and over.
Outside the home, it can be a long line of rejections, nos, dead ends, and dropped connections.
But writing down my days and plans lets me see that I am doing something. I am accomplishing something. Even if I accomplishing it again, I have accomplished consistency!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

How are you finding quiet in a busy season? Do you do any of these ideas already?

Getting Past Prayer Paralysis

"Would you like to lead us in prayer?"

That sentence will send most cradle Catholics into an anxious mental dizzy.
"What do I say? Am I getting too personal? We did not cover this in CCD. Oh my gosh THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME!"

Extemporaneous prayer, meditative prayer, Lectio Divina are all well beyond my comfort zone.
But they shouldn't be! Prayer is a skill and it needs to be practiced and developed.

Parents are to be the first, and primary, catechists to their children (CCC 2226). That means if I'm lacking knowledge or practice in prayer skills, it's my God-given job to get it together.

Thankfully, Catholicism is not a solo practice. Tools abound! I have been very impressed with The Catholic Family Book of Prayers: A Treasury of Prayers and Meditations for Families to Pray Together. It's a skinny book (fits easily in my purse) and successfully covers the essentials of prayer, with beautiful pieces of art throughout.

My personal favorite thing is the section on meditation and contemplation. It has step-by-step guides, with SCRIPTS, for leading your family in Christian meditation, Lectio Divina, praying with Sacred Art, and examination of conscience. If I can teach reading with a script, I can certainly handle a family meditation!

The book is a fantastic cheat sheet for all of those surprise additional prayers at the end of rosaries. When 2 or 3 are gathered...Catholics add prayers! The simplicity of the book means it only takes seconds to find prayers you might have learned once upon a time, but could use a refresher on the fly (*cough* Anima Christi).

I'm not good at extemporaneous prayer, but it no longer feels impossibly difficult to get started.

You can find The Catholic Family Book of Prayers in digital and hard copy directly from Gracewatch Media, or hard copy on Amazon.

I was provided with a free copy to review by Gracewatch Media, but all impressions and claims are my own.

Thworted in My Reasonable Expectations

In case you haven't figured it out from the lack of baby arrival announcement on social media, baby has not been born yet. It's only a few days past due date, but it very quickly felt like time was moving at me.

We all know the feeling of a hope, a prayer, that gets the answer "not yet". I've found the hardest to accept of those "not yet" responses are the ones that come for those hopes that were reasonable expectations.
These are not things that were a stretch or outside of normal.
These were things that seemed almost like certainties.

Not getting the promotion at work even after great reviews from your boss and a steady track record.

Not being welcomed into your neighborhood mom group even though these ladies have seemed perfectly friendly before.

Not finding "Mr. Right" by 35 even with a clearly discerned vocation to marriage.

These are the things that can rile us. The things that make you want to shake your fists at the heavens and demand an answer.

"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)

There's my answer. This is not up to me. This is not even up for my understanding.
Everything in me wants to say "I know, but....". That's normal and that's ok, but I'm not going to find peace that way. Peace will come when I stop riling against the injustice of the situation and start noticing the graces present in the situation.

Here are some of the graces of having a baby taking her sweet time finding her birthday:

Giving those little lungs lots of time to be ready for the hard work of breathing.

Giving me more time to shower my 5 and 3 year old with mommy attention.

Giving my husband and I extra evenings of at home date nights that are so much easier when all kids are capable of going to bed and staying in bed.

Giving me the opportunity to be physically uncomfortable and have something to offer up for others.

That there is still nothing wrong with me or baby, just her needing a little more time in utero, is something to be grateful for - even with the aches of late pregnancy. This is nothing I can't handle. God knows it, I know it, I just have to accept it.

Spiritual Preparation for Labor and Childbirth

Somewhere in the last six weeks of pregnancy I hit a wall.

 An "I'm-so-done-with-feeling-huge-and-I-just-want-someone-else-to-hold-the-baby-for-a-minute" wall.

When that wall comes up, I need to shift my focus from my physical discomforts and pay attention to my spiritual preparation for labor and birth. These are just some of the things I have tried in the past, I would love to hear about other practices you use to spiritually prepare for labor!

Mother Blessing

It is very popular to have parties/gatherings to celebrate a new baby, even outside of the traditional baby shower. Past my first kid there really was not much I needed in terms of baby supplies. But I did need prayers and emotional support!

We had a mother blessing with our second child. The Book of Blessings has various forms of this depending on if it is led by a priest, deacon, or lay person - for a group, single couple, or just one mother. One of my good friends led the blessing, we made prayer cards for the baby, pregnancy, and birth, and lit prayer intention candles for each card. (I planned to use the candles during the birth, as a sort of relighting of the prayer, but labor had other ideas.)

I am hoping to make the group mother blessing our parish's Pro-life Committee sponsors, but that might depend on when baby decides to be born!

Prayer Cards from near and far

I found the prayer cards to be a wonderful way to connect with female friends and family who live far away! We decorated our cards at the blessing, and my mom, sisters, and far away friends mailed me their cards. I hung them up where I was likely to spend a good amount of my labor, and I kept them up through baby's first year.

She still has a stack of beautiful prayers in her baby box she will be able to look back on when she's older. I love the idea of a physical reminder for that baby to be able to see how many people were welcoming her, even if they lived far way.

Offering up Labor 

I have had very predictable twelve hour labors so far. That leaves a lot of time for prayer!
Bringing prayer intentions into labor helps me keep my mind off the pain. It is my greatest chunk of time to use as non-stop prayer, and, let's me honest, there's a lot of "offer it up" material!

In my last weeks of pregnancy I collect prayer intentions into one condensed list. I'm hoping to make this baby's list a little nicer looking than my previous loose-leaf binder paper lists.
(Bullet journal people - y'all seem good at making lists pretty. Ideas?)

36 Weeks! #MySundayBest with A Blog For My Mom

If you have a prayer intention for me, leave a comment or send me a message or email! (underthyroof at gmail dot com) I'm due September 23rd, but baby could come anytime starting Saturday so send them as soon as you can so I don't run out of time!

Do you do any spiritual preparation for labor and birth?

Spiritual Hacks for Life with Kids

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

We're on the edge of Fall! Some people do New Year's Resolutions, but for me Fall has always been the time for new beginnings. This is when I look back and see what has been working, what needs to be readjusted, and maybe where some priorities are getting forgotten.

Priorities like....having a prayer life?

With tiny people underfoot most of the day, it can be reeeeaaaallllyyy hard to give prayer the pride of place it deserves in my day. But it's a new season and a new chance to try something new and see if it sticks. Here are some of the ways I'm getting in spiritual time while having kids around 24/7.

1

Take advantage of the kid friendly prayer options

Our parish has a children's holy hour every Wednesday morning in the adoration chapel. Getting a chance to go to adoration and not worry too much about disturbing others is such a blessing!

Growing up, my mom would take all of us kids to her weekly rosary group. It was a group of moms and kids who gathered in one side of the church every Friday to say the rosary together. Not a lot of planning needed, and nobody minded if a baby needed to be soothed or a toddler never stopped organizing the hymnals.

If there is not an offering at your parish, or one nearby, start your own! It doesn't take a lot to invite a family or two over for rosary time. Don't worry about making it perfect or having a spic and span house. Your effort counts!

2

Make it a routine

When I look at what consistently happens in my prayer life, even in the busy times, it's the things that I do as a matter of routine. We always make it to mass on Sunday's because that's just what we do on Sunday mornings. Blessings before meals are part of the ritual of mealtimes in our house.

One thing we have started with the new school year is having rosary time. About 3pm has worked well. It's post-nap and afternoon snack and the kids have had a little free time. I light a candle on the mantle, hand out rosaries, and roll with it. It's not always easy, but getting started is most of the battle for me.

3

 Embrace the wiggles

A rosary takes about 20 minutes and you can bet there are wiggles! Lots and lots of wiggles. 

So we have embraced the wiggles.

One technique that works well with my kids is having "walking mysteries". Every other mystery we pace the length of the room with each Hail Mary. Now we have lots of ground rules to keep this from devolving into racing and running into things:

1. If you get to the end of the room early, you still have to wait for the next Hail Mary to start for the other side.

2. No touching anyone

3. Rosaries need to be held nicely (not hitting objects or people.)

Breaking the rules gets a quick warning. If the rules are broken 3 times, we sit down for the rest of that mystery. It did not take the kids long to figure out life is a lot more fun if you follow the ground rules.

4

Invest in some good children's religious books

I'm talking books with good art, lots of pictures, and are well written. Check out Mater Amabilis or Mother of Divine Grace to see some recommendations for liturgical year or saint books that are age appropriate for your kids.

They are fantastic to bring to mass, adoration, to have on hand for feast days, or just to read aloud and get your kids more familiar with bible stories, saints, and the meaning behind Catholic traditions.

5

Lower your expectations

I say lower because I seem to fall into the trap of expecting higher level behavior than what is reasonable when it comes to prayer time. 

Define what counts as "good behavior". Is it sitting in one spot? Staying in the pew? Making an effort at whispering in church? Kids cannot meet expectations if they are not clearly defined and communicated.

For rosary time I ask that everyone pick their spot at the beginning of each mystery, and no rosaries in months or on feet.

For mass I ask that everyone stay in the pew, my 3ish and ups follow along with the stand, sit, kneel times, and all questions be whispered. 

In Therese's case, keeping her non-stop commentary and free association whispered is her doing well. For John I have a rule about not putting himself to sleep during mass on purpose. 

Different kids have different struggles.

6

Explain as you go

It's very hard for kids to behave well if they do not understand what is happening. I do a quick little explanation of each mystery as we say the rosary, point out what part of the mass we are doing right now, and teach them the words for liturgical objects.

7

Do it anyway

We have had masses in which I completely missed the homily because I was taking the toddler to the potty for what felt like the billionth time. Rosaries that got interrupted so many times I wanted to quit. 

But I make myself do prayer anyway.

Sometimes showing up is the prayer. Even if I'm just showing up to the rosary in my living room. I don't let a bad experience the day before prevent me from trying again today. The kids will not get better at prayer without practice, and everyone needs another chance to get it together. - including me.

What are some of your tips and tricks for praying with kids around?

The Hidden Scars - Dealing with Miscarriage and Secondary Infertility

I am told I am lucky.
I got my boy and my girl right off the bat.
"You're so lucky!," say strangers on the street. "Now you're done!"

Ummmm, why? I always wanted to finally turn around and ask, "What makes you say that?"

Because I didn't feel lucky.

When we had an early miscarriage after our second child was born, it was much more heart wrenching than it had to be due to social pressure to fall within certain reproductive expectations.

The following are real quotes real people have really said to me.
Like to my face.
And meant them.

Once you have a boy and a girl it's "so nice you're done!" It's a statement, not a question.

Any pregnancy less than two years after the last child was born must have been an accident. Because "why would you even want that?"

DEFINITELY never tell anyone about a pregnancy before 12 weeks. Because "what if something happens?!"

Well something did happen, and, ya know, it was not helped by keeping my child some deep secret.

Following our miscarriage it took a lot longer to get pregnant with our next baby than expected.
It's impossible to convey, without living through it, just what it's like to hope so hard every month.... and then see that tell-tale temperature drop on the chart and know that it wouldn't be this month.

Or the next.

Or the next.

But from the outside looking in everything looked perfect!
We're very healthy and active people. We have two cool kids who fill our days with antics and adventures.
But people are not Legos. You can't just swap out one kid for another, and my heart longed for the baby we lost and the ones I was no longer sure would ever be coming.

Sometimes it seemed like no one else even remembered that baby happened.

I entered a weird twilight zone where I would hope against hope that friends would make their pregnancy announcements on Facebook instead of insisting on telling me face to face. IKEA and Target on the weekends was like walking into a maternity catalog. It felt like every other woman in a 50 miles radius could get pregnant but me.

I faced the possibility that we might end up as a two child family.
With our boy and our girl. Socially approved.

I recoiled from the social approval. It felt backhanded. "Good job meeting the Orwellian ideal!" No room for difference. No room for growth. No room for humanity or empathy in there.

I am currently pregnant with our "rainbow baby" who is due to arrive at the end of September. This was a pregnancy announced right away. This child will not be hidden, her birth order will not be excused, and I sincerely hope she's not the last.

I hope for a society that is less focused on a reproductive ideal, and solely focused on the gift of humanity present in each child. I hope for there to be love and understanding for mothers like me who are suddenly staring at a battle with infertility. I hope for a first child and an eleventh child to be equally welcomed. I hope for the silent struggles and wounds of our hearts to speak.

Emotional and spiritual healing from my miscarriage is an ongoing process, so I was thrilled to see Peanut Butter & Grace was publishing a book focused on miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss - Blessed Is The Fruit of Thy Womb by Heidi Indahl. 

What saint better understands what it is like to lose a child than Mary? The book prays through the rosary using meditations from Scripture, reflections, and prayer intentions. What I find most valuable are the questions and journal space within the book to write down the emotions and thoughts that arise from our prayer. 

The book does a great job of grounding the reader in the guidance of Mary and Scripture while consciously allowing the reader to process her own grief and experience. That processing is always followed up with a prayer intention for the larger world. 

Our grief is not unique. So many mother's hearts all over the world and throughout history bear the scars of child loss. Own your story, write it down, talk about it, don't forget your children, but also remember that others are with you bearing the same grief. Bearing the same wounds. Reaching out to each other, beginning through prayer, can be the first fruit that reconnects us back to each other.

Blessed Is The Fruit of Thy Womb is available on Amazon. You can follow more from the author, Heidi Indahl, on her blog Work and Play, Day by Day and on Facebook and Instagram. I received access to a free digital preview copy of the book for review, but all opinions and commentary is my own.

A Tactile Prayer Life - Making Your Family Altar

I am a very tactile person when it comes to prayer. I like to have physical Bibles, prayer books, and rosary beads. This works out well when trying to teach little kids about prayer since they are very tactile too!

My greatest struggle with prayer is just starting! I have found having a family altar, or oratory, very helpful as a reminder that we should have prayer in our homes. Here's the typical things we have on our family altar.

Note: Apologies this will not have many pictures. Many of my liturgical items, kid faith art, and statues got crushed/beheaded in the move. A new opportunity for improvement awaits!

Crucifix

Nothing makes you think of Jesus more than seeing the guy himself in the moment of his crucifixion. Even young kids really get what the cross is all about when they see at least one crucifix on a regular basis.

Rosaries

Family rosary is never gonna happen if it's always proceeded by a scramble to find rosaries scattered all over the house. It also helps the kids to understand that rosaries are not toys when they are kept in a special place in the house.

Holy Family Statue

I really love statues of the Holy Family since they often show Jesus as a small child, and it seems to blow kid's minds that once upon a time Jesus was a little kid like them. It presents Joseph and Mary in their context as Jesus' mom and foster father which has helped my kids understand what the big deal is about them.

Candles

Fire is one of those magical elements that signal to kids "this is a big deal".
Having a candle stash by your altar is nice when you want to light a candle as a reminder to pray during a particular period of time during a day. Maybe someone is having surgery, is in labor, or doing a job interview. One more way to stay prayerful even when we have to attend to daily concerns.

I have three stashes of candles around my house: candles for prayer, candles for emergencies, and candles for ambiance/make the house smell pretty. I strongly suggest getting unscented candles for your family altar since it's sad to have to blow out a prayer candle that is making you nauseous.

Liturgical Year Items

These rotate depending on the time of year. I stash my blessed palms in a vase on the altar during the Easter season. We fill a red construction paper heart with the names of our loved ones who have died and place it on the altar for the month of November. There's a huge range of what you could do, but changing the look of the altar with the seasons has really helped my kids see where the differences are in the liturgical seasons.

Holy Water/Other Blessed Items

It's amazing how many blessed items a family can accumulate! In order to keep them together (and not forget they are blessed and should be treated differently) I like to keep them near our altar. Not necessarily on the altar since they are not all needed on a regular basis. A great example for this is the blessed chalk we use for the Epiphany house blessing. We only do the blessing once a year, but the rest of the year I need to manage not to use the chalk that is blessed as regular sidewalk chalk for the kids (because we did have father bless Crayola sidewalk chalk. It was on sale.)

Kid Faith Creations

The kids both participate in our Little Lambs faith formation program which sends us lots of super cute liturgical year crafts. Some of them are things I think are clever and useful for family prayer, and the kids get a lot of pride in seeing something they made go someplace as special as the family altar.

For more ideas about family altars, I highly recommend the book The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home by David Clayton and Leila Marie Lawler. It is very detailed so don't be afraid to take what you need and come back for more later.

This post is part of the Catholic Women Blogger's Network (CWBN) monthly Blog Hop! Make sure to click over to the hop to check out more posts on this month's theme: Different ways to pray - holiness in our daily lives.

Do you have a family altar? How to you like to physically live the liturgical year in your home?

A Good Confession

When I was preparing to make my first Confession, back in 3rd Grade CCD, my pastor told us a story about his first confession as a little boy. He wanted to make a really GOOD confession, so he wanted to have a really good sin to tell.
He decided to confess to the priest that he had killed his mother.

The priest, rightly, suspected this might not be the case and inquired a little more into why this 7 year old thought he killed his mother. The story of desiring to have a really good first confession came out, and the priest gave him a little talk about the importance of saying sins you actually committed.

I gleaned from this that a good confession did not necessarily entail having a big mortal sin to confess, but I was still confused about what makes a good confession. I always seemed to be confessing the same things every time, which, when the goal is never to commit those sins again, seemed to be the spiritual equivalent to spinning my wheels.

I was not just trying and failing to do better - I did not fully understand why these sins were a continual struggle or how to start stepping towards defeating those perpetual spiritual struggles.

It was not until going to a talk given by one of my favorite Dominican priests on the 7 Deadly Sins that I started to understand how to make a good confession. That talk gave me the words to name the root causes of my little spiritual struggles.

The one that blew my mind the most was Acedia. I had never heard the term before. Acedia has to do with sadness at a spiritual good. This is when you will do ANYTHING besides pray, go to mass, or pursue other spiritual goods. The very thought of going to confession or praying fills you with sadness and restlessness. Suddenly all those times I convinced myself I had "just gotten too busy" to pray seemed less innocent.

Having a name for root sins was a game changer for me. I could tell the priest specifically what I was struggling with and get much more fine tuned advice that addressed the root issue - not just my venial sin symptoms.

The beauty of examining your sins to find that root pattern is that each of the deadly sins is countered with a virtue. There is a practicality in the teaching that forces us to see ourselves as we really are, but also gives us the virtue road map to lead us out of those sinful patterns. It allows us the brutal honesty necessary to make a good confession, and the fighting chance to really mean it when we say "I firmly resolve with the help of your Grace to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin."

This post is part of the monthly CWBN Blog Hop. Check out other responses to "my true feelings about Confession" over at Reconciled to You.

The Double Gift and Burden of Faith

I was asked to provide my honest reflection and opinions of the new book Walk in Her Sandals edited by Kelly M. Wahlquist. I received a free copy of the book to review, but all opinions are my own.

This is a special CWBN Blog Hop! You can see the other blogs in the hop here.

The first thing that struck me about this book, Walk in Her Sandals, is that these are meaty chapters. This is not a frilly women's spirituality book that has many words yet says little.

The fiction imaginings helps the reader become immersed in what might have been going through the minds of women close to Jesus around the time of his Passion. What might it have been like to see such drastic changes in their loved ones who followed Jesus? What was it like to hear the stories about Jesus from those who actually saw them happen? What would we really do when faced with the fantastical yet real?

It's uncomfortable to think about, isn't it? It's uncomfortable to wonder if you would have really been a Christian if placed in these women's shoes (or sandals). It could not be excused as something "I just grew up with" or "what I've always done". For these women, saying they were followers of Jesus could not be hidden beneath such platitudes. They carried a true burden of faith. This is part of our Christian heritage. It is part of what it means to inherit the Christian tradition - to not shy away from what is hard or what is uncomfortable.

Often our greatest gifts are also our greatest burdens. Women know this in a very intimate way. Pregnancy is tough, and dealing with our fertility (whether hyper-fertile, sub-fertile, or infertile) is something we don't get to just forget about. That does not make these bad things, in fact, I would argue that the burden of our gifts make them greater gifts still because we have to continue to accept them as gifts.

This book has one of the most intelligent and honest reflections I've seen about maternity in a general Catholic women's spirituality book. The story they chose to fictionalize is the story of Miriam who is following Mary Magdalene to the tomb of Jesus on Easter Sunday. There is not a pregnant woman in sight, yet there is something very true about maternity in this story. It is the story of women being called to carry life, and that starts with a spiritual acceptance of life.

We often talk about "spiritual motherhood" in the Catholic Church, but I don't think it comes off well. Too often it's seen as some sort of bone we throw to women who are struggling with infertility. Like somehow caring for strangers is supposed to take away that longing for an infant of your own to cherish. Or it's assumed that we have no need for spiritual motherhood once we have our own biological children. Neither of these things is true.

We are all called to reach outside of ourselves, of our own little groups, and of our own families to care for the Other. Spiritual parenthood is not something exclusive to women - men too are called to spiritually father. One of the best insights I've heard on spiritual parenthood actually came from my bishop during a diaconate ordination. In his homily, he shared the advice he gives to priests who are having a hard time praying and being so constantly available to others: it's not about you. You aren't praying to "get something out of it". You aren't caring for a friend in need to get good karma. You are doing it to practice loving.

At a very fundamental level, Love is one of the most basic vocations in the Christian life. Love is the thread that runs through this book, as it runs through the Passion of the Christ himself. The book begins on Palm Sunday, through the Passiontide and Easter Sunday, and ends on Pentecost.

If you are looking for something to help you reflect more deeply on Christ, scriptures, and our lives as Catholic women this Lent - this might be the book for you!

It is designed to be done in a group, though I could see going through this book as a private devotion as well. Copies can be ordered on the WINE: Women in the New Evangelization website. There will be an accompanying journal available during Lent!

What experiences have you had with faith? What are you struggling with as Lent approaches? What have been your experiences with spiritual motherhood?

Achieving Quiet When You Have a Busy Life

Our topic with The Zelie Group for the month of January is "Quiet". Quiet is often longed for my moms, with many feeling like they never achieve it. I live a very busy life, home with two little kids during the day and dancing or rehearsing at night, yet I still feel like I live a quiet life.

I believe quiet is largely an inner state. My life is busy but it isn't stressful. It's hard but it's not overwhelming. Quiet, for me, is finding that inner balance and healthy mental place. Here are the practical ways I make quiet happen.

Commit to a 20 Minute Prayer Something

A surprisingly large number of prayers and devotions only take 20 minutes. I alternate between praying a rosary, reflecting on the mass readings of the day, and prayer journaling in my prayer time. I've found that I need to treat prayer like an exercise, it's a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it. Just like with my physical workouts, I do better when I vary my spiritual workouts.

Find Your Rest Time

I commit to the first hour of nap time as my rest time. During this time I cannot work on emails, write blog posts, check social media, workout or memorize lines. (During Lent this also becomes a no tech time too.)

This is the single best choice I have made for managing my time during the day. I have the type of personality that really will work non-stop from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. I have to schedule my rest and provide incentives to myself. I only watch my Netflix shows during this time. I will make DIY foot soaks, try out new face masks, make a tea tray for myself, or just listen to a whole music album.

It's the beginning of naptime so if we have a very short nap day rest has happened. I've found rest has to be a priority or it won't happen.

Ask For What You Need

In order to make the space for quiet in a busy life, you have to do some personal discernment to understand what that means for you. Is actual silence a requirement for you? Do you need to leave the house? Do you need a buddy to help keep you accountable for praying or resting? Are there thought patterns and blocks for you to mentally quiet down? If so, can you talk with your spouse, a friend, a priest, spiritual director, or counselor to work out how to break down those mental barriers?

There's going to be some trial and error, but it is worth the effort.

Recoup Your Lost Time

If your struggle is simply finding the time that isn't filled with daily tasks, work on clearing up the time clutter. Is there a way to cut down on laundry or cooking time? You could streamline some of your daily routines or make some set routines. Are you always searching for things? Perhaps it's time to do some purging and organization.

Maybe you get surprised by time. Sometimes an appointment is late, I'm waiting for the bus longer than expected, or I have a 20 minute walk between locations. I always have a rosary in my purse so I can pray on the walk home from the park, and I bring along my current book so I can sneak in a chapter if the opportunity arises. The goal is to have the ability to do the things that mean "quiet" to you when you have the chance to do them. Carpe diem!

Do these things sound helpful to you? What brings quiet into your life? Do you have a totally different definition of quiet from me? I'd love to hear about it!
Post your answer in the comments or link up your own post!



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And here's My Sunday Best: Torrential Downpour Edition!
We're experiencing an "atmospheric river" right now. It sounds like it's going to be fun.

Infinity Veil: Veils by Lily
Necklace: Family heirloom
Dress: Hand me down from a college hallmate
Tights and Boots: Target

JEI - Prayer Edition

Great news y'all!

The facebook community for The Zelie Group is now up and running! We have some fun ideas in the works, so like the page to stay in the loop.

This week on JEI (Just Enough Info) we're talking about prayer.

1.What are your favorite devotions?

I switch around favorite devotions depending on what kind of season of life I'm in at the moment.


I favor the rosary when I'm on the go, or when I have a baby that is in the will-only-sleep-on-a-breathing-person stage.
I re-re-(I can't even tell you how many times I've restarted) start the Liturgy of the Hours when I *could* slow down but I need to reinvigorate the discipline it takes to accept that that10 minutes would be better spent in prayer.
I do believe taking some time to have devotional time without small people crawling on me is important. I wouldn't count being a human jungle gym as quality time if I was trying to talk to my husband, why would it be fine when I'm trying to talk to God?

However, I DO pray with my kids. More on that to come!

2.Have any of your prayers been answered? Do you have any prayers that you are glad weren’t answered the way you’d hoped?

Oh yes.

Perhaps the biggest one was about my vocation.

When I was a kid, I had a strong attraction to the religious life. My parents were very supportive of this possibility, and when I was 12 I was able to spend a week at the convent of the Sisters of the Holy Family of Nazareth in Grand Prairie, TX. Just a short drive from where I grew up in Dallas.

It was one of the motherhouse convents, so the very old and the very young were all together. I lived in the Formation House, a part of the convent especially for those in formation and discernment, which meant some of the time recreation and group prayer was sometimes just with others at varying stages of discernment.

The sisters assigned us jobs like every other able bodied person in the convent. Mine was helping Sr. Mary Francis in the laundry, and occasionally in the convent library, shop, or museum.
I learned the rhythm of the convent days. It's where I learned how to pray the Liturgy of the Hours and how to chant.

I ended up coming back for a few summers, as well as Come and See Days. I entered the order as an Associate - a lay member who is pledged to assist the order through prayer and a commitment to living the spirit of the Holy Family.

The whole time I was praying about entering, but it was more like "what do I need to do to be the best sister I can be?" instead of asking God if this is what he really wanted for me.

My answer came one day during adoration. As best I can explain, I passed out and I had a total answer that God was not calling me to be a sister when I woke up. To this day I have a hard time explaining exactly what happened, but the certainty never wavered - this was not my calling.

And I was mad about it!

Religious life was what I very much wanted for myself, and letting go of that dream was rough.

It was a long road to discerning that married life would be my calling, and a funny story about how I finally came to accepting my vocation and meeting my husband. That's a story for another day.

3. How do you pray with your kids?

If you've been reading this blog for a bit, you might know I write about this a good bit.

Right now, we read a chapter from our Golden Children's Bible as part of our school time everyday. We pray before all meals - even Therese. I aim for at least one rosary a week with them.

We have mass study as part of my homeschooling this year. I'll have to write more about how I do that, because I'm really making it up as I go, but we use John's mass kit to go over different parts of the mass. The goal is for them to gain familiarity with the prayers and movements in the mass so it is easier for them to follow.

Here's three of my favorite posts about praying kids!

On inviting kids into the living faith of adults, and bring a prayer role model.

On the peace to be found in prayer with kids - even when it didn't go picture perfect.

Then just the sweet hilariousness that can come from kids during prayer.

 Your turn!

Link up if you have a blog, respond in the comments if you're a reader.

Make sure you read the rules of the link up, and follow each of your hosts in some way!

Jessica – Pinot Noir and Prayers | Instagram | Facebook

Alicia – Sweeping Up Joy | Pinterest | Facebook
Kirby (me!)  – Under Thy Roof | Instagram | Facebook
Kerry - Fishbowl Fortune | Instagram | Facebook

Making Your Prayer Active -- The Stretching/Pilates Rosary

I run into problems with my prayer life due to my super active brain. My mom used to tell me I read and think faster than I could talk or write. I memorize things quickly, and am almost always thinking about five things at once -- except when I dance.

There is something about physical movement that slows my mind  down and lets me focus. I developed this stretching/pilates rosary because I noticed I was saying the rosary with 3/4ths of my brain elsewhere.

I'm calling it stretching/Pilates, but these are really movements I've taken from yoga, pilates, ballet, and other movement forms. It's a mishmash of ideas. Take what works, leave what doesn't.

The important thing is to work both sides of your body equally, and I encourage you to start on your weaker side (for me it's my left - like bad.)

Note: I am not a certified instructor of anything. Do not use this if you are not medically cleared for physical exercise.

Equipment

Yoga mat and Rosary.

Make sure you wear clothes you can easily move in. I like to do this barefoot, but you can wear socks if you prefer.

Have a water bottle handy.

Holding the Rosary

I generally just hold my place onto the rosary beads with whatever hand is on the mat during that set. You'll need to work out what works best for you with your balance and range of movement.

Basic Pattern

All Glory Be's = Child's Pose

All Our Fathers = While on all fours with a flat back, gently wiggle your spine from side to side - looking toward your hip as it moves to the right, and the same on the left.

Opening

Creed - I like to sit cross legged on my mat and just hold the rosary while saying the Creed, I find I do better with the rest of the set if I take a minute to mentally get ready for both the prayer and the exercise.

Hail Marys - On all fours, do "Cat-Cow" for the entirety of the 3 Hail Marys. Don't bother counting, just get your movement fluid.

First Mystery 

First 5 Hail Marys - Stretch out the left arm and right leg. Hold for the entire set. Optional: make this more challenging by making little circles with your arm and leg.

Second 5 Hail Marys - Stretch out the right arm and left leg. Hold for the entire set.

Second Mystery

First 5 Hail Marys - Still on all fours, lift the right leg, crunch in with the right leg in attitude (make sure you keep your back flat!).

• Option 1: Leg back to straight and lifted
• Option 2: Leg back to straight and lifted, tap down, lift back up
• Option 3: Leg back to straight and lifted, tap down, tap crossed over to the opposite side, lift back up

Repeat for the whole set.

Second 5 Hail Marys - Repeat on the left.

Third Mystery

Lay on your right side. Place arms either behind your head (for a stronger abdominal workout) or left arm flat on the mat, right arm supporting in front.

First 5 Hail Marys - Lift right leg pointed up as high as you can, flex back down.

Second 5 Hail Marys - Lift right leg flex up as high as you can, point back down.

Forth Mystery

Lay on your left side. Place arms either behind your head (for a stronger abdominal workout) or right arm flat on the mat, left arm supporting in front.

First 5 Hail Marys - Lift left leg pointed up as high as you can, flex back down.

Second 5 Hail Marys - Lift left leg flex up as high as you can, point back down.

Fifth Mystery

Option 1: Plank 4 Hail Marys, move back to downward dog for 1 Hail Mary, Plank 4 Hail Marys, downward dog one Hail Mary.

Option 2: Plank the whole decade.

Final Prayers

I use this as a cool down. Spinal twists normally feel really good at this point.

While seated on the mat, take right leg, cross over left (right foot on the floor, left leg entirely on the floor and bent.) Wrap left arm around right leg, breathe, lift and turn as far as you comfortably can to the right, with right arm going behind you.

Repeat on the left side.

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Let me know if these make sense to y'all. I might have my husband help me make video or gifs to show you the movements when he gets home from Minnesota. :)

Holy Week Plan!

Well it's finally here - Holy Week 2016!! Yea!!

Here's what's on the agenda around here.

Monday-Wednesday

We're cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!

We take off regular lessons this week. I find this a good time to do any lingering Family Formation activities John still has around. 

(Keeping little hands busy + religious themed + clears out my drawers = holy week approved)

Most of the focus is on decluttering - largely the stuff that really is just junk/recycling. I'm always amazed when I do this how much paper clutter is stuffed in drawers and baskets.  

It's also about setting things up for the more prayerful end of the week.

I set up our little family altar with the blessed palms from Palm Sunday, cover the big Holy Family statue in purple cloth, and take away all of the extra holy cards. I leave our CRS Rice Bowl, Family Formation rosary booklet, rosaries, and candles. (This year I have 3 candles set aside for Tenebrae. More on that later.)

Wednesday is our final choir rehearsal before Easter time. This year, it's also a gender reveal! (#thisisnotanannouncement)

Another woman in the choir just found out the gender of her baby, so I'm making gender reveal cupcakes and making people lighten up in the stress of Triduum. 

Can't be stressed out when you're celebrating babies with sugar, right?

Holy Thursday

And it begins!

The morning is spent doing the last big cleaning push, and doing the prep work for meals today and Friday. Fasting is harder for me when I have to spend a lot of the day working in the kitchen, so I find it better to front load that on Thursday so it's all set for the kids.

I'll often put on The Prince of Egypt (and it's on Netflix!) for the kids while I do things, like scrub the bathroom, that involve using cleaners I don't really want little fingers touching.

This year we're doing a little family washing of the feet with the littles. We also read this book about Passover.

We have a Seder inspired dinner with the young adult group! 

Part of the spread from last year.

If you want to do something like that, this Horseradish Potato Gratin is amazing.

Good Friday

This morning we do our first Tenebrae with the kids!

Tenebrae is a form of the morning prayers (matins and lauds) used during the Triduum. 

I'm using the adaptations I have in my Magnificat magazine. 

These include lots of feet stomping at the end. I can see this being a hit with a certain dinosaur reenactor of mine...

Even though the kids are not fasting on Good Friday, they still will not be eating meat and meals will be simpler. Thankfully I have children who are very happy with simple soups and beans and rice. 

We will do a little kids Way of the Cross after naps - since this is the time least likely to melt down. It also lets me round out a Noon to 3pm Holy Hour. It is normally very doable since the kids both nap from noon until 2-2:30. It's just that last hour or so that's tricky. 

So it might not be quiet, but it is on topic!

We will be hosting the young adult group Fish Fry at our place!

Mostly because I'm the only one who misses southern Lenten fish frys enough to actually put on my own.

Holy Saturday

It's time to hit the road on Easter prep!

Most important activity of the day (according to John): making confetti eggs!

We save most of our eggs through Lent by cracking out about a nickle sized hole on the small end to get out the contents of the eggs. Rinse out and save in empty egg cartons. Then, on Holy Saturday morning, we dye them like regular Easter eggs, stuff full of confetti, and seal with paper mache tissue paper square.

On Easter, we hide them and do an egg hunt before the real confetti egg fun begins.

You crack them in your hand a bit and toss the shell and confetti at people.

Like so.

The cracking in your hand is very important as it allows the contents of the egg to actually go on the other person and not just bounce off them. Then all you've done is handed them more ammo, and why would you want that?

Peace in the Land of Littles

Linking up with Blessed Is She and #BISsisterhood this morning!

Yesterday I decided to just dive right into doing all of the prayer things I wish I had been doing more consistently: praying the liturgy of the hours, saying the rosary as a family, and writing in my prayer journal. 

I have been making a mistake that I feel is very tempting for many people: putting off good things until the timing is perfect. 

If I knew that I could not consistently have a family rosary, I put it off to try another day. But "another day" has a habit of never showing up, and that family rosary just never got said.

Yesterday I had the day off from cooking dinner and choir rehearsal. It was practically a vacation. 

It left us with an open afternoon on a rainy weekday.

Years ago my mom had sent me the bin of all of the giveaway rosaries my sisters and I have received over the years. There are dozens of plastic, glow in the dark, corded rosaries. 

I had the kids each pick a rosary out of the bin, sat on the floor with them, and announced we were going to do a rosary now.

They were pretty amenable to that idea. They looked at blocks, fiddled with the rosaries, and squirmed around while I said the prayers. 

After completing the rosary, we hung the rosaries up on the hooks with their stockings and went about our day. But the day was so much better!

It was not that anything went more smoothly really: we got rained out of the park, there was a spaghetti explosion while I was making dinner, and a generalized child meltdown during clean up time. 

Yet I felt peace.

It was like having a stress-resistant coating over my whole being. I was aware of less than ideal things happening all around me, but they were not able to get under my skin. 

Making the decision to pray with my kids, despite the likelihood of meltdown, gave me the peace to be a better mother yesterday. It is an addictive feeling. I find myself looking forward to doing it again today. 

Today is busy. I have a lot to do, and not much time to get it all done. Today I have responsibilities in the afternoon, but I want to try out our little family rosary again. That experience of peace is something I want to invite into our lives over and over again.

It might go badly, but I suspect peace will still come in a door held open a crack.