I guess it had to happen eventually - NFP week burnout. It was real this year.

I saw more than a few comments and posts along the lines of “Enough already! I’m already aware of NFP!”
And....that’s nice.
But we still need NFP week. Even thee who believes it to no longer be relevant. Here’s why.

Even Catholics are severely lacking in NFP Awareness

There are probably more old wives tales and myths about fertility than any other aspect of medicine (though perhaps diet woo gives it a run). I have heard terribly misinformed things from very smart people in this regard.
“Irregular cycles are incompatible with NFP.”
“You can’t use x method postpartum.”
“Breastfeed and you’re fine!”

Until we can get this whole how-biology-works thing down, we still need NFP awareness week.

You probably don't know as much as you think

Even those confident in NFP have a story that goes something like this, “We were doing great, but then x happened, and EVERYTHING CHANGED!”

Maybe it was postpartum, maybe it was pre-menopause, maybe it was thyroid issues - whatever it was, you need at some point to find someone who knows what you’re talking about. Someone who has navigated these waters before. You still NFP awareness week.

Your experience might need broadening

When we don’t foster awareness of other’s experience, people...tend to be jerks.
Well meaning jerks, but still jerks.

You see this in the insistence that “everyone should use Creighton, then no one should have unclear charts!”
Or that Marquette is THE WAY postpartum.
Or that breastfeeding LAM will work for sure if you just follow each and every criteria for doing it RIGHT.

Don’t be a jerk, listen during NFP awareness week.

Don't underestimate the importance of hearing each other out

To get better NFP options we need better data. Listening to the experiences of real people is a fundamental first step.
This is not an exercise in navel-gazing. This is about hearing the stories that we don’t want to talk about.
Of people having the “I’m not the only one!” realization.
Of being not so isolated in a sea of sunshine and roses.

We need NFP awareness week.

There's more work to be done

Guess what? We don’t know everything there is to know about how fertility works. Our tools still have vast room for improvement.

When we started learning NFP 8ish years ago, there was no way to indicate progesterone outside of basal body temperature or expensive blood draws. Now there are progesterone dip strips.

Now there are wearable devices for measuring basal body temp without having to set an alarm.

But we still have so much work to do. The best way to get that done well is for real couples to ask for what they need. A major venue for that is NFP awareness week.

We can do better

The discussions of NFP, marketing, education, and assumptions all need a serious re-consideration.

When I ran the week of single women who chart, I heard stories that made me so angry. Stories of NFP teachers refusing to teach a single woman to chart because “you might misuse that information.”

Running this week of postpartum NFP I heard a lot of “abstinence isn’t THAT bad.” (Haha, yes I have something to say about that!)

We need NFP awareness week.

If those who practice NFP don't talk about NFP, and improve it, then who will?

In trying to address the reality of NFP, and the hardships involved, I got a lot of push back. It mostly boiled down to “don’t be so negative or people won’t even try to live out the teachings!”

(Though I have to point out the irony that I said this exact same thing, verbatim, in a pre-NFP week post and people STILL said it. Critical reading skills people, they’re not optional.)

But who else is supposed to bring these issues to light?
Those who don’t even know the difference between NFP and rhythm?
Those who have never experienced struggles in their NFP practice?

It HAS to be real. It HAS to be told. Because who else can speak to the negative but those living it?

We STILL need NFP awareness week.

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

Did you feel the NFP week burn out this year? Did you read any articles that made an impact on you or changed your thinking? (If so put the link below because I want to read them!)

Postpartum is Unpredictable - Even for NFP Teachers

We've made it to the middle of NFP week y'all! 

Have you been reading these stories thinking "they just needed to work more closely with an instructor" or "if your charts are confusing, you just need to get you some NaPro!" 

NFP postpartum is difficult - even for the NFP trained.

Meet Sara and Chad! Certified NFP teaching couple through the Couple to Couple League. Married 8 years and have a 6 year old son, 5 year old daughter, 3 year old daughter, and 4 month old son.

1. Tell us a little bit about each of you.

Chad: I’m Chad and I like to party.

Sara: Oh my goodness, I’ll introduce him. Chad’s a Catholic convert and I totally love him for it. He just got his PhD in math because he’s a hardcore nerd. But it’s okay because I’m a nerd, too. We met in college studying math together. Now I’m living my dream of being a SAHM while Chad is living his dream of teaching college math. On the side, I have my blog: ToJesusSincerely.com and I’m the Tech Assistant for CatholicsOnline.net. I’m a cradle Catholic, but I have so much to learn from converts (some of my favorite peeps).

2. How did you learn about NFP?

Chad: My wife and I learned NFP together when we were engaged.

Sara: Being a cradle Catholic with faithful parents, NFP was introduced to me as the way of life for Catholic married couples. Chad and I learned NFP together when we were engaged. I do wish I had known more about fertility awareness as a teen, but I’m working on changing that for today’s girls. Chad and I are certified NFP teachers through Couple to Couple League, so we have the opportunity to help others learn about NFP.

3. How did you pick your NFP method?

Chad: I was just coming into the Church before we got married. So I didn’t know much about NFP at the time. But my wife knew what she wanted us to do, and I trusted and supported her decision.

Sara: My mom used the Sympto-Thermal Method, so that’s what I went with. My cycles, though not completely regular and predictable, are fairly straightforward to navigate with STM. I love the clarity of postpartum charting with this method. I feel confident in our ability to space our children and know for sure when my fertility has made a comeback.

4. What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

Chad: It’s hard being unsure of what’s going on. That makes it difficult to plan when to have sex. It can be pretty confusing.

Sara: Like Chad said, the uncertainty can be difficult. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily confusing, myself, but definitely unpredictable. Until that first ovulation postpartum, there is no way to know what’s coming next. So we have to go day-by-day… and hope the baby cooperates with our charts. Right now, our baby seems to love to stay up late on nights when we finally would have been able to have sex. In the postpartum transition, there can be extended periods of abstinence that can get frustrating.

5. What has been the greatest benefit?

Chad: We don’t want to have babies back-to-back. Knowing NFP allows us to have sex confidently, knowing we can still postpone pregnancy. Otherwise we would have to abstain the entire postpartum time until we got back to normal cycles. It’s great that NFP allows for us to navigate the transition time.

Sara: I agree that it’s good to be confident in spacing our children. As long as we’re diligent, we know exactly when we should or shouldn’t have sex in order to avoid “preparing for Irish twins” – (insert eye roll at rude doctors). The postpartum period always forces us to revamp our communication, which is a great thing for our marriage. And, if I’m being entirely honest, I’m thankful for the intermittent stretches of abstinence required in the postpartum time. My libido tanks hard after having a baby, so those stretches give me the break I need to foster and rejuvenate that desire. I’m not sure Chad would consider that a benefit lol.

But it turns out to be a good reminder to show our love for each other in different (non-physical) ways. After our second baby, while juggling discrepancy in our desires, different needs that I was experiencing, and unpredictable stretches of abstinence, we were able to open up communication in a way that led us to praying together before sex.

************

Check out the other posts this week.

HYPER-FERTILITY AND NFP

HOW DO I SPEAK TO POSTPARTUM NFP WHEN... I GOT PREGNANT?

MISADVENTURES OF A POSTPARTUM NFP WEEK

**************
How has this NFP week challenged you? 
Has this changed the way you think about postpartum NFP?

Hyper-fertility and NFP

1. Tell us a little about each of you

Michael is a PhD chemist and is from a small town in Michigan. Sterling has a degree in finance and is from southern Washington. We have been married for eight years. We have four children and we are expecting our fifth in September! We have experienced three miscarriages.

We are both adult converts who are children of divorced parents. As such, we don't have any good examples of how marriage looks in a healthy setting. We have read a lot of books about Catholicism, marriage, and natural family planning to try and live out our vocation of marriage the best we can.

2. How did you learn about NFP?

Michael learned about NFP on a hike in the northern Michigan woods when I was in High School. He asked his friend Paul (who was my Catholic Conversion Sponsor 9 years later) what the Catholic alternative to contraception was, he explained NFP. Since then we have learned much more obviously. :)

Sterling learned about NFP when a priest tossed her an NFP book in the one marriage prep session that we had. It wasn’t a great introduction but we knew this was going to be a big part of our life so we did a lot of our own research.

Shortly after diving into the world of NFP, we realized that we would be fertile on our honeymoon. We had wanted at least six months of being married before getting pregnant so we actually chose to abstain from sex for the first three days after we got married! Whew, that was a sacrifice. Then we consummated our marriage on the fourth day knowing there was still a small chance we could get pregnant. That’s when we learned the reality of NFP because we have since discovered, if there is any small chance of getting pregnant… we do!

Of course, being open to God’s plan sometimes means getting pregnant on your honeymoon but abandoning yourself to that trust has greatly deepened our faith.

3. How did you pick your NFP method?

Trial and Pregnancy. We started out using symptothermal but because Sterling has struggled with insomnia for most of her life, we quickly realized that it was difficult to catch her basal temperature. After our honeymoon pregnancy, which really wasn’t a surprise because we knew that there was a small chance we could get pregnant, we did have two surprise pregnancies due to bad temperature data. Unfortunately, those two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. That’s when we looked into Creighton.

Creighton quickly showed us that Sterling had low progesterone levels. We ended up getting pregnant again (on purpose) and working with the Pope John Paul VI institute using progesterone shots to help us carry the baby to term.

We felt really confident in Creighton and we liked that we were both involved in charting and making decisions. We got pregnant two more times, not necessarily planned but definitely not surprises either. We knew there was a small chance of getting pregnant both times!

The last time we got pregnant was definitely more of a surprise. Sterling had radically changed her diet for six weeks and it shifted her cycle. We definitely should have abstained since our chart definitely looked unusual so I would say this “surprise” baby was really just user-error but it was definitely hard for us since we got pregnant four months after having our last baby.

4. What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

There are two great struggles we’ve encountered with NFP. We struggle with hyperfertility, and have become pregnant on average more than once a year. The first has definitely been becoming pregnant despite our best efforts to use NFP.

The second biggest struggle has been the lack of support/communication in the Catholic community about NFP, especially about prolonged periods of abstinence. It seems to be a “suffer in silence” type of problem and it has really been hard on our marriage not knowing what our normal reactions should be to prolonged abstinence.

5. What has been the greatest benefit?

The greatest benefit has been significantly reduced mortal sin and urgent need for confession. We also value having NFP options so Sterling doesn’t have to put a bunch of chemicals or foreign objects in her body. And obviously, we are extremely blessed and grateful for all our children. Despite the challenges, we cannot imagine life without them!

It’s difficult because NFP is often touted as this beautiful way to bring couples together, but we have not found that to be true. Due to our many struggles, we would not say that NFP has produced a greater feeling of unity within our marriage.

You can hear more from Sterling on her podcast, Coffee and Pearls - Wisdom for Catholic Moms, and on her website sterlingjaquith.com. She is the author of four books, including Not of This World: A Catholic Guide to Minimalism and Smitten: A Collection of Catholic Love Stories.

You can read more of her take on NFP in her post Why I Despise NFP But Do It Anyway.

We're having a Postpartum NFP week around her on Under Thy Roof!

Check out the other posts this week.

HOW DO I SPEAK TO POSTPARTUM NFP WHEN... I GOT PREGNANT?

MISADVENTURES OF A POSTPARTUM NFP WEEK

*****************

Do you have experience with "hyper-fertility"? 

Sterling points out that the prolonged abstinence has not been marriage building for them, and I believe that to be true of many solid marriages as well. How can we more accurately and reasonably prepare couples for periods of prolonged abstinence that my very well occur in transition times?

How Do I Speak to Postpartum NFP When... I Got Pregnant?

I'm going to break my own rules with this story, because I think it's a story that needs telling.

This one is going to be anonymous and it's only going to be the wife's side of the story. Her reasons for requesting this are solid, and just...read her story. She is absolutely not the first person to tell me something like this in hush-hush tones with furtive glaces. This is a more common reality than many of us want to admit.

Tell us a little about each of you

We meet in college, he a well-formed Catholic from a big family, me a fallen-away nothing who didn't ever tire of debating this wickedly smart, handsome, crazy person. Joke's on me! Because lo and behold, those three years of debating accidentally converted me. We ended up getting married after college -- something he'd always pictured doing and something I never imagined. The babies came quickly; I'm a stay-at-home mom of four while he works in government contracting.

 How did you learn about NFP? / How did you pick your NFP method?

Hah.

So, I know a lot of people in my various NFP Facebook groups want to shout from the rooftops that "NFP IS NOT THE RHYTHM METHOD." Well, we all need to be shouting that a little louder, because even the people trying to listen can't hear you.

I was not aware that NFP was not the rhythm method until after my THIRD CHILD. My parochial Catholic schools didn't teach it. My Catholic college spoke of it only theoretically. Our marriage prep class mentioned that temping and mucus were something you could look into, and left it to you to do that looking. But if Catholic schooling gave me little else in terms of faith formation, I at least had a moralistic fear of ever touching myself "down there," so the idea of checking mucus felt like a giant "No way, Jose." Good thing that sounded optional, right? And finally, while I do have a well-educated cradle-Catholic awesome-devout husband, there was a big all-boys-school gap in his knowledge on this particular subject. He assumed NFP was basically the rhythm method too. (This is why my sons will be taught some things...)

After I had my third son, I learned more specifically via my own Googling what was involved in STM. So I breastfed my son and waited patiently for my period to come back so I could start doing this charting thing.

More hah.

Because that didn't happen.

I got pregnant before having a cycle. But yay! Because my fourth son is the best thing ever, and there would be a hole in our family without his big sunshiny smile.

But anyway, back to the drawing board with NFP. It was when my youngest was 5 months old that I made a self-deprecating joke at my Catholic book club. "Yeah, all our kids are 19 months apart... I guess that's just how we date our calendars." People laughed. I wanted them to. That joke always gets a good reaction. But it was certainly thin cover for the fact that I did not have a handle on this NFP thing.

That's when a friend from the book club whom I've known a while now pulled me aside and started telling me about Marquette's postpartum breastfeeding protocol. I was floored. I was struck dumb by my total ignorance. You mean... there's something you can do to chart before your first cycle? You do what? And I can do mucus too? What is LH? I'm not doing any of this!

I came home that night and asked my husband for a ClearBlue Fertility Monitor for Christmas.

What has been the greatest struggle of NFP in the postpartum period?

Well, the first great struggle is certainly that, six months into Marquette... I got pregnant! Without a cycle. Again. While perfectly conforming to the protocols of the breastfeeding TTA protocol. And yes, these two will also be 19 (and a half) months apart. I thought we were really going to get a foothold this time; I was so confident. I was so trusting. I was so diligent. And... yeah, that was hard.

That's the reason that, at first, I backed out of speaking to Kirby for this series. How do I speak to postpartum NFP when... I got pregnant? (Again. I can't stress the "again" part enough.)

But I can say that now we're all settled into the reality of five children. I'm at peace again.

What is becoming a second struggle is telling other people -- family and friends who DON'T practice NFP, but know that we do -- that we're expecting again. I feel like Negative Evangelization. I feel like a stereotype. And it's hard to explain to people who don't already get it that, yeah, we were TTA, but we're also open to life. That's the point. This baby is NOT the worst news ever.

What has been the greatest benefit?

The greatest benefit of our particular journey has been to my own heart and mind. Only one of our five children was "planned," so to speak. But it's gotten easier and easier to sincerely accept new life with love and enthusiasm the longer this 19-month routine repeats. I'm not perfect. If there's one thing I've learned by saying over and over that I'm "open to life," it's how to actually be open to life when "life" calls my bluff <3

How can we do a better job of authentic NFP instruction? What should we be doing so that engagement is not the first time the phrase Natural Family Planning brings any meaning?

What struck you about this story?

Misadventures of a Postpartum NFP Week

If you've hung around this blog for a while, you know what I do for NFP Awareness Week - share stories! I believe the best way to talk about a way of life is to show that life via storytelling (and that Anthropology degree might only have influenced that a lot).
There's been small years, busy years, and themed years.

This year is a theme year.

Supposed to be a theme year.

This has been a hard year.

This year is all about NFP in the postpartum time - but it's both on the blog and my real life. I've never had more "skin in the game" than I do this year. Merely trying to put together postpartum NFP stories has been an eye opening experience.

Most don't want to talk about postpartum

When I wanted to do a themed week on single women and NFP last year, I did not have high expectations. I was going to be excited if I got one story, over the moon for three, but we got FIVE!

When I was going through my third postpartum, and wanted to do a postpartum themed week, I thought this wouldn't be difficult in the slightest. If I could find five single women willing to share the story of their reproductive health, publicly on the internet, surely I could find couples willing to share their postpartum NFP story! There are lots of people having babies!

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Postpartum NFP is incredibly touchy - as I now know. No one feels comfortable. Or confident.
Many told me they did not have much of a story to tell.

The vast majority are winging it

It was the sheepish confession of the vast majority: "....we're not really doing NFP..."
Sometimes it meant abstaining entirely until cycles returned. Sometimes it meant not following method rules. Sometimes it was more of a "what happens, happens" decision.

No one has it easy, but everyone believes they are the only ones struggling

Over and over I heard women tell me that postpartum was unexpectedly hard. Many learned or changed methods during postpartum. Many faced long stretches of abstinence. Many could not figure out what their bodies were doing.

But everyone believes that they are alone in their struggle. That there must be someone out there with the perfect words of encouragement. That the right method must exist somewhere.

If anything, the difficulty in getting people to share their story is precisely why we need to share more stories! Because you're not alone, and your struggles are, more than likely, not as unique as you believe.

We have an abstinence problem

Cycle zero is awful. Waiting for cycles to start back up after baby is probably the most touch and go couples will experience in NFP. But no one tells you that it can take months and months after that for the abstinence not to stretch out into weeks (and months) due to wonky charts.

Abstinence can be/is a real strain on many good marriages. Fact. But in general we are terrible at talking about it.

But there are some brave souls! 

I found two couples willing to share their story!

Aka. I asked my blog groups and my friends had my back. (Thanks y'all!)

Meet the brave few of this year's NFP Awareness Week postpartum edition!

Sara and Chad

Chad: I’m Chad and I like to party.

Sara: Oh my goodness, I’ll introduce him. Chad’s a Catholic convert and I totally love him for it. He just got his PhD in math because he’s a hardcore nerd. But it’s okay because I’m a nerd, too. We met in college studying math together. Now I’m living my dream of being a SAHM while Chad is living his dream of teaching college math. On the side, I have my blog: ToJesusSincerely.com and I’m the Tech Assistant for CatholicsOnline.net. I’m a cradle Catholic, but I have so much to learn from converts (some of my favorite peeps).

Sterling and Michael

Michael is a PhD chemist and is from a small town in Michigan. Sterling has a degree in finance and is from southern Washington. We have been married for eight years. We have four children and we are expecting our fifth in September! We have experienced three miscarriages.

We are both adult converts who are children of divorced parents. As such, we don't have any good examples of how marriage looks in a healthy setting. We have read a lot of books about Catholicism, marriage, and natural family planning to try and live out our vocation of marriage the best we can.

Come back next week to read their full stories!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What's your experience with postpartum NFP? What should we include in the discussion?

Sex Matters and Other NFP Thoughts

Next week is NFP Awareness Week. Yes, again. But before we do that, I want to talk about sex and marriage, and why abstinence is a struggle for many (if not most) NFP practicing couples.

The most consistent critique that comes up whenever this topic is discussed is: "Shhhhh, if you're too negative no one will even try to live out the teachings!" Or it's, "There's nothing we can do about it, so why talk about it?"

Well I believe you are smarter than that, dear readers!

I believe you can handle hard topics, and nuance, and uncertainty.

Sex matters for marriages

There's a reason sex is "renewing your marriage vows" and date night isn't. Sex is so fundamental to a marriage, that a marriage is not valid until it is consummated (CCC 1640). Then why is it that we try to excuse away the importance of sex when it comes to selling NFP? If sex matters to begin a marriage, it must continue to matter within a marriage.

Sex is Emotional

We have this idea that there is sex on hand and emotional closeness on the other. I think this is a false separation. Sex is inherently emotional. Physical connection and emotional connection are joined, just as sex and marriage are joined. I will even go so far as to argue that sex is the ultimate emotional connection.


So now we get that sex matters in a marriage, and that there is not exact substitute. How do we go about discussing the frustrations of abstinence without just wanting to throw in the towel for NFP as a whole?

Let's not invalidate each other or ourselves

"It's not that bad."

"Other people have it so much worse."

"It's just for a while."

These are all statements meant to comfort but function to invalidate the person who has just confided their pain. Often, they are what we tell ourselves in order to get through a tough place - even when there is no end in sight to the tough place. Let's stop trying to tell ourselves that pain doesn't hurt and that struggles are negligible!
If we cannot accurately talk about the problem, how are we ever going to deal with it?

There are some serious holes in NFP methods and in medical knowledge

Let's just get it out there - women's reproductive medicine is woefully behind when it comes to the deeper biological understanding needed to have NFP methods that can work for everyone with minimal abstinence. I personally experienced many months where no NFP method could describe what I was seeing, and none of the multiple doctors (both GP and specialists) could work with me in understanding why my body wasn't functioning properly.

The more I've talked to other women using NFP, the more I hear about these situations where methods did not describe a woman's fertility accurately enough.
Where doctors labeled a woman requesting not to have to discuss birth control again as "non-compliant."
Where couples spend months on end unable to find available days when they have discerned a need to avoid pregnancy.

None of this means NFP is completely impossible or a bad idea, but it does mean that couples are experiencing some legitimate struggles and that struggling with NFP is not a rare experience.

It's not just you

You are not the only person frustrated with NFP!
You are not the only couple to feel the ache of having to hold back from the ultimate sign of the sacrament of marriage.
You are not a masochist for still adhering to the teachings of the Church, even when you feel the weight of the teaching.

We need to include the peripheries

If you are someone who has never struggled with abstinence, always had textbook cycles, conceived right away, breastfed and had 6 months of LAM infertility with no problem - congratulations you won the biological lottery.

The rest of us will have some struggles with this part of our lives at some point. We need to include everyone in the further development of NFP, including the afore mentioned lottery winners.
But also the subfertile, infertile, hyperfertile.
The women having to take birth control for legitimate medical reasons.
The women who can't/don't breastfeed.
The women who have mental or physical reproductive trauma.
The couples dealing with long term abstinence.
The couples struggling to discern what God is asking of their family.
The couples who have large families and the faithful parents of small families.


Struggles with NFP are not rare, unique, or even unusual.

Having struggles doesn't mean there isn't a beauty to NFP. Hard things can still be beautiful things.

What matters to me is that beautiful things are not unnecessarily hard. That we communicate honestly our struggles, and our joys, so that as a whole the practice of NFP can be a more practical tool for everyone.

What have you wanted to see in discussions of NFP? How could it better include your experience? 

How Postpartum is Different the Third Time Around

My oldest turned six years old yesterday. His birth is what brought me into this parenting gig and it turned my world, and assumptions, upside down. This year we had our third baby, and I went through my third postpartum. It was DRASTICALLY different from the first time around.

1

Rest is a Requirement

I know what I need to heal now. 

With our first my husband was back to work shortly after we got home from the hospital. Now we know two weeks off is the minimum we all need to heal and get to know this little newborn. Especially if they keep pulling this 12+ labor, being born in the wee hours, after weeks of prodromal labor thing.

2

I have helpful kids

Having newborn with older kids in the house is ground breaking.

My oldest just turned 6, so he can’t babysit or anything, but he can grab my water bottle I forgot to grab off the counter. They can get diapers out of the dryer and put them away or entertain the baby is I have a minute to eat something. Small helps in the postpartum period are so meaningful  to me.

3

I know what I need to feel normal

There are particular things for each of us that make us feel normal. Those small make or break things that make a huge difference for mental and physical health.

For me it’s: getting outside, wearing real clothes, showering, getting at least 4 hour blocks of sleep, and having real conversations.

Once I acknowledged these were things I needed, I could take the steps to make them happen.

4

I’m not the only mom I know now

One of the reasons my postpartum with my first baby was so tough was because we were the first among our friends to start this parenthood adventure. There wasn’t anyone around to calibrate my expectations or to let me know what was normal.

It makes a big difference to now have other mothers I can commiserate with who are encountering and grounded.

5

I’m not afraid to say “not for me”

When it comes to parenting there is a huge range of “perfectly fine and normal”, but there is a lot of, frankly, propaganda out there meant to convince moms that there is one ideal way for x. The only way worth your while to feed your baby, hold your baby, rest, NFP method, rate of healing, etc.

With my first I bought the propaganda, and it just about crushed me. 

This doesn’t mean that whatever is being touted as “the way” doesn’t work for some people! But I not doing something wrong by deviating from that vision.

6

My marriage remains primarily important 

If there is one thing I wish I could impress on past me is that a healthy marriage can make a big difference in having a healthy postpartum. My husband is my biggest advocate. He’s the one who is with me the most, the one who will first notice when something isn’t going well.

We’ve learned how we can get our couple time with a newborn. In the early weeks, baby typically wants to continue to be part of mom so my husband and I hang out together on the couch while baby gets first sleep in my arms. When baby gets ok with transferring, we get an early evening just the two of us before baby wakes up for the late night feed.

We DO have time for each other postpartum, but we did have to decide to claim and own that time.

7

Postpartum NFP is hard

For a while there I thought I must have just selected the wrong method. But after talking with a lot of instructors and medical professionals I've decided postpartum NFP is rough for me. NFP is heavily weighted to those who are breastfeeding - which just isn't in the physical cards for me. While there are lots of methods, all of which have their own postpartum protocols, there is no one perfect postpartum method that will make everything easier automatically.

I thought surely this would be another area that got easier after the first time around, but it's not. Postpartum is a long, frustrating, and often lonely portion of NFP. I can't make it easier to practice, but I can do something about the lonely!
I think it is so important to share stories and speak to a wide variety of experiences, so this year for NFP Awareness Week I would like to focus on the postpartum NFP experience!

If you've been following this blog for a while, you might have noticed that I share real NFP users stories for NFP Awareness Week. I loved the discussion and encouragement that came out last year from sharing the stories of single women who use NFP, and it would be such a gift to see that for postpartum.

If you want to be a part of this project, or have some questions for me, shoot me an email (underthyroof at gmail dot com) or connect on social media (Facebook and Instagram because that's all the social media-ing I've got in me!)


Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What are your thoughts on postpartum? Do these things resonate with you? For those who have been through it before, what have you learned the subsequent time(s) around?

Wonderfully Made - Alejandra's Story

It's NFP Awareness Week! This year I am sharing stories from women who learned NFP methods while single. Single women often get left out of discussions of Natural Family Planning, but there are great benefits to be reaped for them too. It's time to hear some of their stories!

1. Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Alejandra, and I’m originally from southern California, but am now living in Oakland in the Bay Area. I just recently became a licensed Architect – hooray! Believe it or not, you can’t just call yourself an Architect right out of university, and I had to pass seven national exams and one state exam over two years to earn that professional title, so I’m pretty proud! I’m currently working at a high-end residential firm in Emeryville that does beautiful work in this area. 

I speak three languages – Spanish, English, and Italian – because my mom is from Chile and I studied abroad in Italy. I’m forever grateful to my mom for making sure we were bilingual from the start – languages are one of my passions! In my spare time, I love to cook and bake, work in my garden, spend time at the beach, hike in the Oakland redwoods (or anywhere for that matter – we are blessed with so many natural gems here in the Bay Area!), read, draw and paint, hang out with friends, and most of all, horseback ride. I’ve recently become an equestrian and I take English riding lessons here in the Oakland redwoods. There is nothing more wonderful than being out there with the horses… Unless it’s snuggling with my two adorable goddaughters of course!

2. How did you hear about NFP?

I’m I guess what you might call a “cradle Catholic,” in that I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school all my life, so I do vaguely remember learning about NFP, at least as a concept, during middle school and high school. I was aware it was out there, but didn’t know the details, especially because I always assumed it was just for families or married couples, so I wrote it off in my mind as not applicable toward my current state of life.

Later, when I was already living and working here in the Bay Area, a dear friend of mine introduced me to JPII’s Theology of the Body. The more I read up on it, and the more I started reading the incredibly beautiful ways that JPII talked about man and woman, the “feminine genius,” and his reflections on the body in terms of the ordering of love and our existence in connection with God and Love, the more I started seeing the connections between Theology of the Body and NFP.

Around the same time, another very dear friend of mine was starting her own family and pregnant with her second daughter, and she began explaining to me the details about taking her temperature, charting, and how it all helped her and her husband either conceive or avoid pregnancy in a natural and faith-filled way. She suggested an app that helps record this information and generates a visual chart, and so I was encouraged to begin charting myself!

3. How did you pick a method?                         

At first, I didn’t really know what I was doing other than waking up at 7:00am to faithfully record my temperature on this app each morning – however, the app also has a handy “Knowledge Base” section that answers all the basic questions about charting your cycle and what it means. Through this, I was able to gain some basic knowledge about basal body temperature, temperature shifts, the luteal and follicular phases, hormones, etc. 

I was fascinated! However, it wasn’t until a priest friend of mine personally called me up one day, and said that there was a woman offering Creighton Model classes at his parish, that I started getting serious about a particular method. He was trying to specifically enlist as many young, single women as he knew to take the classes with her, because he believed in its importance before young women get married (or even if they never do!), even as having a basic, positive health benefit. What a blessing that call was (and what a wonderful priest!), because I enlisted for the classes, which were private, one-on-one classes that helped teach the basic concepts of the Creighton Method and also helped me chart through several cycles until I got the hang of it. The Creighton Model does not utilize temperature, but rather a very detailed charting of daily mucus, in order to understand a woman’s fertility, cycle, and general health. It’s truly amazing how intricate, integrated, and synchronized our bodies are, and how much they tell us! We only have to learn and listen.

4. What has been your greatest challenge?

They say that with knowledge comes great responsibility, right? I would say my greatest challenge has been finding out that there are perhaps some “irregular” or “not ideal” things about my cycle. Ever since I began my period as a teenager, I have always had very heavy bleeding and most times very painful cramping. In high school, I dealt with this by taking evening primrose oil, a natural oil that is known to help regulate your cycle and alleviate or even eliminate painful cramping. It did for some years, but it has found its way back. Ever since I have begun charting, I’ve noticed certain things like the appearance of mucus when a woman typically wouldn’t have any, and other “red flags.” Charting prompted me to go see a Catholic OB-GYN in the area who reads charts, and after having to get some blood tests done (ick), she has been able to see some of these irregularities as well as low levels of hormones, among other things. And what’s amazing is that just by reading my charts and checking out my blood tests, she discovered several other things that were “low” in my body. 

Now, I’m the type of person that magnifies every worst possible situation (I’m permanently infertile! I have some crazy disease! I’ll never be able to have babies!), so while it was quite a challenge, and even sometimes terrifying, to “find out” about these issues and hear potentially “bad news” – at the same time, I have to say that it has been also a positive thing, because not only do I now know about these issues, but I can also work on fixing them by natural means, like vitamin supplements or honing my diet to my body’s needs. And ladies, we’re not just talking about focusing on my fertility – there are now some general health items that have been uncovered that I can improve in my body, so that it is working to its fullest potential all-around! And I wouldn’t have known about them had I not started charting, and I am thankful to be working on these issues before I meet someone. It’s like getting a head start - How cool is that?!

5. What has been your favorite benefit?

Apart from getting to know my body better, and turning my energy toward improving it so that it is healthy and works to its greatest potential, I’d say some of the greatest benefits have been empowerment, humility, and gratitude. I understand my body and how it works in a way that I had never known before, and this has given me an incredible appreciation for God’s genius in creation. 

How beautiful, how intricate, how perfectly engineered and wonderfully made is the female body… the human body! As a single woman, this appreciation and healthy love for my body I think contributes to my understanding of who I am, who God created me to be, and how he wants me to use my gifts. It’s part of that grand search for meaning, and it most certainly reflects the great Love our Lord has for each one of us. 

Check out the previous posts in this series:

Embracing the Beautiful Body - Claire's Story

NFP For Every Body - Susie's Story

Finding FEMM - Brie's Story

Know Thyself - Kate's Story

Know Thyself - Kate's Story

It's NFP Awareness Week! This year I am sharing stories from women who learned NFP methods while single. Single women often get left out of discussions of Natural Family Planning, but there are great benefits to be reaped for them too. It's time to hear some of their stories!

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I’m Kate, 41 years old, never married, cradle Catholic.  I have been a school librarian for about nine years since changing careers from the legal field.  I live just outside of Philadelphia in the suburbs, not far from where I grew up.  My parents have been married for over 46 years and I have an older brother and a younger sister, both of whom are married—so I am a happy auntie to five wonderful nephews (oldest is 19/youngest is 4 months) and one fantastic niece (almost 13!).

How did you hear about NFP?

I feel like I kind of had the basics as a high schooler. . . My 9th grade religion teacher alluded to it (“Some days the toilet paper goes whoop!”) and my mom (oldest of seven children) shared one of the straightforward pieces of wisdom her mother was famous for: “Sex equals babies.” (Meaning don’t do it if you’re not ready to be a parent.)

My college dorm mates talked about how their parents were involved with the Couple-to-Couple League (CCL) and that was very interesting to me, to see how others taught and supported each other with marriage and families.  In my 20s, I helped a struggling couple connect with CCL as a result of my college friends’ information.

Then, a few years ago, I joined up with the Not Alone Singles group, full of such lovely women with incredible devotion to their faith.  I looked around at a few blogs and saw that Jen at Jumping in Puddles wrote a post about why she charts and that got me curious.

How did you pick a method?

 In 2015, I was in a relationship that really seemed to be headed toward marriage.  We both shared in that longing to have children, and I didn’t want to be blindsided with having to take a crash course right before getting married.  (Turns out I didn’t have to be that worried, as that relationship ended unexpectedly late last year, but I am still grateful for what else has come into my life as a result.)  I connected with the Friends of Fertility Care of Philadelphia and was referred to an information session.  Turns out I was the only single person attending, but the session was fascinating and full of things that went beyond what I really understood about human biology.  The session also talked about NaPro Technology and what I now know is the Creighton Model of charting fertility.  I signed up for individual instruction and it really didn’t take long to get the hang of observing and charting thanks to my very caring educator.

What has been your greatest challenge?

My greatest challenge is probably to hold my tongue and control my annoyance when people talk so casually about IVF and chemical and artificial means of birth control as if it does nothing to their bodies and souls.  I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, just more like, well, I don’t really know how to “evangelize” NFP (and honestly I wish it had a better name! God laughs at our “plans,” doesn’t He?) as a single person—do I really have the authority?--even though sometimes I want to shout from the rooftops how great it is and how many people have had this great information completely hidden from them or just brushed aside.

What has been your greatest benefit?

I think I would have to say that there are actually two really great benefits that I have gotten from doing all this.  The first is that I really got to understand myself and how much a role my cycle plays in my life, how it affects me.  The second is that my educator noticed something unusual in my charts and referred me to a smart, caring, pro-life, Catholic gynecologist.  (No more raised eyebrow/cynical remarks about my “activity” or lack thereof.)  I’m being treated for a hormone deficiency and it has given me hope that I don’t always have to feel miserable with PMS, and maybe, just maybe, I still have hope of becoming a mom in the near future.  (Still praying and working to meet the man God has picked out for me.)

Come back tomorrow for Wonderfully Made - Alejandra's Story.

Check out the previous posts in this series:

Embracing the Beautiful Body - Claire's Story

NFP For Every Body - Susie's Story

Finding FEMM - Brie's Story

Finding FEMM - Brie's Story

It's NFP Awareness Week! This year I am sharing stories from women who learned NFP methods while single. Single women often get left out of discussions of Natural Family Planning, but there are great benefits to be reaped for them too. It's time to hear some of their stories!

1. Tell us a little about yourself.

I'm Brie Jastrebski. I grew up in Chicago, IL in a loving Catholic family. Formed by experiences in my faith, community and education, I felt the desire to serve others both individually and also on a macro level. After college I spent time in service with FOCUS then began working in NYC at a NGO devoted to the dignity of the human person. It was there that I discovered FEMM – a women’s health program that I’ve dedicated the last 6 years of my life to.

2. How did you hear about NFP?

Growing up in a faithful Catholic family, it seems I was always familiar with NFP. However, my understanding was that this wasn’t something I needed to really understand or be attentive to until I was approaching marriage. This perspective changed through my journey to and discovery of FEMM.

3. How did you pick a method?

As a woman surrounded by numerous girlfriends, I’ve long been acutely aware of the myriads of health and emotional difficulties that women encounter – all related to their cycles and reproductive health. So many of my friends were/are prescribed hormonal contraception by their doctors, to deal with symptoms like irregular cycles, heavy bleeding, pain, acne, mood swings, etc. Not one of these women wanted to be putting these hormones in their bodies, but they weren’t offered any other choices.

I was convicted that women deserved more than the medical options that were available to us. Providentially, I discovered a small group of women and physicians who were looking to provide women & girls with education and health care that respected their inherent dignity. I joined them to help develop and launch FEMM, a women’s health program that offers much deserved education and authentic, whole-woman health care options.

Developing FEMM, we were able to ask ourselves:
1. What do women really need to know about their bodies?
2. How can we help them achieve optimal health and their fertility goals?

What I love about FEMM is that it gives a comprehensive look at the science behind what is going on in our bodies, both physiology and hormones. I learned what is normal and healthy for a woman’s cycles & symptoms, and what patterns or symptoms could be signs of a hormonal imbalance or ovulatory dysfunction and cause future health problems and fertility complications. FEMM is also at the forefront of medical research on women’s reproductive endocrinology and trains doctors in the most advanced medical management protocols – so that women now have access to real treatment options. I also love that FEMM has a charting app that makes tracking your cycle so simple – the app gives feedback about your hormones and health, based on the data that you input.

4. What has been your greatest challenge?

 At the beginning, a big challenge was simply motivation to chart every day. When your reasons for charting are better care of yourself and understanding your body, it can be a temptation to just let it go. However, understanding how charting could help me to recognize signs of hormonal dysfunction, give me confidence in my health and manage my future fertility was inspiration enough to plug away at it. Once I was familiar with my body and my biomarkers and had made a habit of charting, it became no longer a chore but just another part of my day.

5. What has been your favorite benefit? 

Using FEMM as a single woman has really empowered me to be more confident in my health and my fertility. I understand what my hormones are doing each month. I can practice more self-care at times when I know I usually experience certain symptoms. It has changed the way I understand my body and how my lifestyle impacts it –I can see my biomarkers/cycles change depending on whether I’m exercising, eating well, stressed etc. It is a huge blessing not to wonder if what I am experiencing is normal and healthy and also to know that I have the best medical resources available to me if something does appear to indicate a deeper problem.

FEMM taught me that all women & girls (not just those who are married or engaged) need this knowledge about their bodies – it’s science and it’s our life! This type of body literacy is tremendously empowering & necessary. I love that I can now help provide these resources other women.

Learn more about FEMM on their website, download the app, or check out this video!

Come back tomorrow for Know Thyself - Kate's Story.

Check out the previous posts in this series:

Embracing the Beautiful Body - Claire's Story

NFP For Every Body - Susie's Story