It's summer, for now.

It's marching on to back to school time.

It feels a little like the world is sailing by, and maybe, just maybe, you feel like you missed out.

This feeling probably comes up a lot. Sometimes in little ways - sneaking in via your friend's vacation photos or sitting silently in a discussion of the latest TV show/movie/book you haven't seen or read.
Sometimes it's in big ways. The pregnancy announcements that pop up after yet another negative test. The supportive/non-destructive in-laws your friends have that just aren't in the cards for you.

Well meaning friends and family try to tell you that "your time will come" or "it will happen for you."
Let's be honest here, it might not.

That life ideal that you are hoping and dreaming and working toward? It might not happen. At least not in the way you initially pictured.

It's a fine line between accepting the reality that your dream might not happen and wallowing in it. It's so easy to think "why bother?" if your goal might be unattainable.

I'm completely guilty of this too. Back in May I was thinking I would be wrapping up my show toward the end of June. Then it would be an open summer of family fun, weekend adventures, and time to catch up with all the friends I haven't seen over the past many months of theater work. I would be showing more in my pregnancy by then, so theater auditions for the late summer and fall were off the table.

Then I started bleeding on June 1st. Suddenly all those plans I made around the assumption there would be prenatal appointments, a 20 week scan, and a kicking baby, died.

Then six weeks later it still wasn't over. Last week I had to have a D&C anyway (which makes my miscarriage longer than the time I was pregnant by more than two weeks, y'all.)
They found a badly behaved ovarian cystic tumor too. Thankfully benign.
But that surgery means I will have officially been miscarrying and recovering the entire summer. I'm not allowed to go in lakes or pools. I can't train at the level I need to in order to get back out on the audition circuit.

It is so stinking easy to wallow. To hate what my life is this summer. To be frustrated with God. To desire desperately to know why.
But none of that will change my fantastically unlucky roll of the biological dice.

So instead I'm trying to do what I can.
I can't train my body, but I can train my mind. The library is my favorite online shopping.
I can't swim or do any summer water sports, but I can visit the lake and enjoy it anyway.
I'm not traveling anywhere, but I can make myself a fun new cocktail and have a little porch vacation after kids are in bed.

I don't have much agency over my body right now, but I can do many other things. There are still things to learn, people to meet, dreams to have, and hopes to nurture.

Find what you can do out of where you are right now. Your friends aren't having a great summer at you, but they might not know how to be with you. Grow your base of interests and reach out from there.
Don't hate unfollow because the comparison struggle runs deep. See if there is a gem of an idea you can use from that person.
Live your life on the margins of what you think is possible. No one gets stronger from playing it safe and familiar.

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How to Self-Help Without the Self-Loathing

We've all heard it. The how-I-became-a-better-person story in every self-help genre book. It normally starts with a tale of woe about how awful they were, how not enough, how behind, and how horrible the world was for them.
Maybe it's true, maybe some people have to hit their own rock bottom before making a change. But every time I read these stories I wonder how much more encouraging they would be if the self-loathing wasn't such an integral starting point?

Like what would happen if women (because let's be real, that's the typical target audience of these stories) could hear story after story of people making a change in their life out of a place of acceptance?
What if instead of fad dieting, in its many forms, we ate food for nourishment and in connection with other people?
Couldn't there be balance in our activities?
Making a change out of a desire to grow, instead of a desire to run away from our now-selves?

I think what's missing from most of the writing of self-help authors is a knowledge of the goodness and inherent dignity of each person. They're missing God.
Which isn't to say they don't respect the people they are writing for - clearly they think we are capable of becoming more than what we are. They just miss the point where without an understanding of the humanity end game, it's very hard to travel to that destination.

Most self help books fail to answer why we should want become what the author is proposing. Yes, sometimes it's wrapped up in studies showing why we should make this change, but those are often less convincing when investigated. Too often the author is arguing we should remake ourselves in their own image.

I have a favorite quote from St. Anthony of Padua on the subject - yes the guy you pray to to help you find lost stuff.  Many don't know that St. Anthony was a prolific writer, and we still have many of his homilies and talks. He has a beautiful perspective on how to approach becoming our best selves:

"Do you want to have God always in your mind? Be just as he made you to be. Do not go seeking another ‘you’. Do not make yourself otherwise than he made you. Then you will always have God in mind."

Oh how wonderfully freeing! 

What St. Anthony gets, and most self-help books don't, is in order to become our truest selves we must have a complete understanding of reality. An understanding of truth that leads us to see ourselves completely and fully as who we are. We have to seek ourselves to seek God, and seek God as we seek ourselves.

That means we can't buy someone else's prepackaged wellness religion. We can't shut off whole parts of ourselves. It often means leading a very different life from our friends and loved ones.

But we get something so much better.

We get to love others without the comparison, envy, and eventually hatred that comes from loathing ourselves. 

We get to take perfection out of its oppressive, perverted, usage and reclaim it for it's truth - that seeking perfection is seeking God who is perfect. 

We can take all of the anxiety and worry and pressures we have heaped on our shoulders, and notice that it's never been our burden. That was never meant to be there.

We are meant for love, we are meant for God, and we are meant to be who were created to be.

Thankfully, God is patient. He lets it be a process. I have all the leeway in the world to get frustrated, angry, and just done with trying. He lets me be sorry. He lets me stand up and try again. He's infinitely patient, infinitely good.

Seeking his path and truth is the image I want to discover in myself. It does take work. It does take effort. It sometimes looks like getting my butt to the gym and eating well. It does mean making time to read and continuing to nurture my mind. But that only stays helpful if I am seeking the me God sees. Because I am already who he loves - this isn't about making myself good enough for God. It's about learning to see myself in God's truth.

That's real self-help.

***************

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The Power of the True Story

Have you ever considered how many stories were instrumental in shaping your family, neighborhood, environment, and your personal experience? How many of those stories left their mark but were not told to you?

The families that have lived in your home before you.
The parishioners who built your church.
The long gone loved ones who changed the people who raised you.

In the true story, the lived story, there are true surprises. Little details can really surprise the main characters.
I'm an awful theater person when watching a play or movie. I'm always on the look out for the whys. In a scene that has been edited, work shopped, rehearsed, and choreographed - nothing happens without a reason. It's nearly always possible for me to get a scene or two ahead in the story just by paying attention to the little details.

But in real life those little details have unforeseeable and lasting consequences. They can't always be anticipated even by the most observant person.

Those little, personal, details manage to speak to seemingly unrelated stories. The story of the mom going through chemotherapy while homeschooling her kids can speak deeply to the story of the mom experiencing Hyperemesis Gravidarum with young children at home. Yes, their experiences are not identical, but both are going through a time of intense life change that is largely outside of their ability to control. There are multiple subjects within their stories that ARE shared: coping strategies, emotional and physical care coordination, keeping kids busy when you have intense needs.

The true story remains true, even when the specifics diverge. That means the story of a person who looks radically different from me can still speak to my life and struggles.

How cool is that?!

Once you start to gain an appreciation for the true story, it becomes a lot harder to shut people out. Because all of those people can now potentially speak to your story, despite what appears to be polar opposite situations. No longer can you compare the checklist of external identifiers to determine if this person has anything to share that will speak to your life. It makes telling these true stories, discovering the personal side of history and society, an extremely powerful tool for building empathy and entering into communion with each other.

Telling a story is not just about the subject of the story - it also tells a lot about the storyteller. I am not going to tell a story in exactly the same way as you might. Different aspects will speak strongly to me that might not have even been noticeable to you. The aspects of a story that I choose to highlight say a lot about what I see as important and how I view the subject of the story. When I write about a priest who was murdered by the KKK or a woman who became a modern day anchoress, I'm not trying to write the most accurate story possible (even though everything is accurate to the best of my knowledge), I am writing to convey something I find important within this person's life story.

The historical is personal, for history is made up of the story of persons. It lets us practice seeing the trials and surprises of life in a bigger context. In the context of the human story.

***************

Some updates.

I have LOVED writing the Cool Historic Catholics of America series. But I don't know if y'all have noticed, but it's going to take a looooooong time to release all 51 stories via blog posts. Even with doing 3-4 at a time. Like over a year long.

Before starting to write this series, I did identify someone for each of the 50 states plus Washington DC. If your state hasn't come up yet, I DO have someone for you.

I want to finish telling you some of the stories of Catholics and the Catholic story in the US, but I am going to pause and rethink how best to do that. Stay tuned!

***

If you follow me on Facebook or especially Instagram you have probably heard that we recently lost our baby (and that pregnancy announcement was the last thing I published on this blog). Recovery is very long and slow, and it's going to be a little touch and go for a bit here. I am still active and writing when I am up to it. If you're interested in updates, most of those will probably be on Instagram and sometimes Facebook.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, prayed, showed up. Just all of it. Thank you.

Um, Why Aren't We More Concerned About This Synod?

Many Catholics questioned the wisdom of continuing with the Synod on Young People, the Faith, and Vocational Discernment. We are in the middle on an ongoing, world wide, crisis of abuse and it's cover up. That seems to fundamentally impact the very people this Synod is meant to address - a concern shared by some bishops. But the Synod has been in the works for so long, better not to stand in front of that train. At least it couldn't cause harm, right?

Well, that remains to be seen.

As a young Catholic woman, this Synod has given me some serious concerns about the Vatican's ability or inclination to work with women within the Church.

Even though 80% of consecrated people are women, they are not represented among those with voting power at the Synod. In stark contrast, brothers, who share the same canonical status as religious sisters ARE afforded a vote. This is not a question of ordination or Canon Law. This is a direct discrimination based solely on gender.

I love the Church, and I believe in it's teachings, but I want to remind my fellow Catholics that we are not required to believe and support every little nuance of how things have been done. If it is not a matter of Faith and Morals, faithful Catholics are fully allowed to disagree.

I am exhausted by the commentary on this issue of overt exclusion of women that is often ended by "let's hope and pray that we can do things differently in the future." Often a reminder that we shouldn't get angry about this injustice is thrown in there for good measure.

Frankly, if this situation doesn't upset you I am a little concerned for you.

I understand crisis fatigue, the desire to talk about good things for a change, and the apathy that sets in after watching the bumbling attempts at damage control by the hierarchy - instead of the kind loving guidance of a father that we are due. However, I believe we have good reason not to place our trust in the same men who failed to amend and render justice in the Church when they said they did over a decade ago. An attempt that still came decades too late.

When the reasoning for why women religious superior generals cannot vote, but brother superiors may, relies on numerous people overlooking women because "They haven’t been used to thinking this way" I don't think the hierarchy is ready for their relating to women training wheels to come off just yet.

I keep speaking up, and writing, and talking to people, about the crisis and the reality of the Church because I understand that that is what it means to be a faithful Catholic woman right now. It's not a nice option if it's something you feel called to do. It is abundantly clear that the men of our Church might desire to do the right thing, but they cannot do it if we don't tell them what we need and hold them accountable.

It is very easy for little voices to be silenced. It is so simple to be apathetic and allow for injustice to continue it's course. How nice it would be for Someone Else to stick their neck out as a sacrificial lamb for ourselves.

Oh wait, Jesus did.
Jesus already came and provided an open path for salvation. But we have free will, and we have to cooperate with grace.

I hate to be a debby downer, but sanctifying grace is not known for it's warm fuzzies. You probably aren't going to feel good. You might not see an immediate result. But refusing grace is not an option if we wish to be disciples.

If we love Jesus, we must love his Church. The most loving thing to do in the face of injustice is not to enable it. To call it what it is by name, and to push for the good. For a Church to be what she preaches.

Men, we need you to listen to women and see injustice too. The beauty of talking about reality is it is ready and available for anyone to see if they merely look.
Women, we need to speak to each other and educate ourselves. Keeping up to date on what is happening in the Church is necessary if we are to have productive conversations.

UPDATE: I was reminded that the superiors general of the Dominicans, Jesuits, and Conventual Franciscans, all voting members of the Synod, are calling for the inclusion of women voters, and that the men's Union of Superiors General has been sending non-ordained representatives as voting representatives since 2015. This synod was the opportunity for a change at a later synod.

Was any of this news for you? How can you become involved in discussions that move the Church forward, whatever your state in life?

How Are We Teaching Our Girls to Live as Catholic Women?

There's something off about how we speak to girls about their futures in the Church.

We say "The world needs what women are" but it is women themselves who shoot down other women.

We say "Women need to be part of the decision making process in the Church" but the questions about which decisions, exactly, go quietly unanswered.

We say "Women play a vital role in the life and hands of the Church" but are we treating the formation of our future Catholic women as vital or is it more of an afterthought?

I see this in many parishes manifesting as a lack of strong formation, or even social, programs specifically for girls. Vocations discernment programs largely being aimed at future priests, not future nuns or sisters.
Girls get the message - I am on my own here.

But we try and catch them later! We see adult women struggling to find their place in the Church, to fulfill their vocation, to understand their faith heritage. We try to offer studies, groups, lectures, events.
Yet we do it poorly so much of the time.

I don't know about my fellow women, but I am so weary of a Catholic women's spirituality that desires to do Theology Lite. A spirituality that says "We will have the work of your hands, just don't ask questions of your mind." These groups are meant for encouragement so you can "keep on keeping on", but are not really a launching point for change and difference.
This is a pressure within the Church, from women to other women. We give this to ourselves, and this is the world we are showing our daughters in faith.

When I look around at what my 4 year old daughter can age into through parish life, I don't see many opportunities to grow her connections with other Catholic girls. That's a shame. Girls will be asked many more hard, pressing, questions, and at a younger age, than their male peers. She will need those connections. She will need that knowledge base, and the experience of growing with other faithful girls.

I am a faithful Catholic woman, and I will remain so, but to do that well I need to be Church. This needs to be a community that pushes each other to be better. To know Jesus better and to love each other better.

The Church is in crisis right now. Frankly, it's probably going to be in crisis for a while. A long while. This isn't going to go away.
Now, more than ever, we need to see and identify those places where the Catholic community is weak and lax. Those places that have been left for later. Ignored and even belittled.

My fellow Catholic women, let's learn! Let's tackle learning those parts of the faith that we have never ironed out in our minds. Let's make space for our daughters to grow. Let us be a community of faith AND works. A community that sees that women are not just the fuel for the parish machine, but a beautiful, vital, distinct, and visible part of the Church.

How do you see places the Catholic Church could better serve girls? What places do you see needing to be addressed in the wider Church? In your own specific area?

Beautiful Things I Have Said No To Doing

Earlier this week I wrote about a powerful phrase "That's beautiful, but it's not for me". I explained why I think it's awesome, but I wanted to give you some real world examples of this phrase in action. Here are seven beautiful things, that are good things, but they are not right for me.

1. Being "just a mom"

I tried to do this one. I spent about a year with my first attempting to feel fulfilled wholly within in my newborn and my husband. It just about ruined my mental health.

God did not give me talents and gifts that allow me to feel fulfilled solely by motherhood. Since I'm not going to claim to know better than God, I'm going to follow his lead on this one.

2. Catholic school

We happen to have a wonderful Catholic school attached to our parish. I love the people who go there, the principal, the curriculum, the healthy culture they have fostered.
But I'm still homeschooling.
Homeschooling happens to be what works for our family dynamics, our time needs, and my children's needs. I don't know how long we'll homeschool, if we might someday use the awesome Catholic school, or public school, but this is what rocks in our family right now.

3. Homeschool Co-ops

Even though I love my homeschooling, homeschool co-ops have not worked for me. Partially this is because I have all little kids, and we're not beyond my areas of knowledge yet. Part of it is personality based. I really enjoy getting to knock out our school at home, and then when we leave the house we are off. We might still be going on a field trip, but the kids (and me) are having a break from sitting and doing school. I really don't want to pack up all our stuff, haul all the little people into the car, and go somewhere else just to do what we could have done at the kitchen table.

But come later elementary/middle school, I can almost guarantee this is going to be a different answer.

4. Breastfeeding

I have lots of thoughts about breastfeeding, and most of them still come down to what I said back in this post.

No, I don't breastfeed. God gave me a body that can make babies, but doesn't make mature milk. But God had the mercy to do it in a time and place with access to safe water and formula, and I'm forever grateful.

5. Having all the babies

It is absolutely a beautiful thing to welcome babies as they come, but my husband and I have discerned that's not what we're called to do. NFP is no fun walk in the park, but it does allow us to have some spacing on babies so we can get to that physical, mental, and emotional place in our family to say yes with joy.

6. Latin mass

Yes I wear a veil, and dress up for church, but I love me my Novus Ordo English mass. I just like it done well.
I think the Latin mass, and Extraordinary Form, are beautiful, but I enjoy my reverent Novus Ordo.

7. Having that one best friend

I've written before, over on Everyday Ediths, about how I've missed the best friend boat. I don't have that one best friend. I still sometimes feel a little sad about that, but I have seen the fruit of being continuously open to saying yes to new friendships and new connections.

Did you notice that most of these things I have said no to are often "not right now"? I have no idea what God is going to call my little family, or I, toward next. We might enter a time when Catholic school makes sense. I can almost promise that some version of a co-op will make sense some day.
All the more reason not to limit my friend circle to people who are making the same choices as me right now!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What things in your life have you have to say no to? Or maybe "not right now"?

That's Beautiful, But It's Not For Me

Once I was talking with an RCIA class alongside a Dominican brother and a Jesuit scholastic.

It sounds like a bad joke, but bear with me.

Dominicans and Jesuits both have a very developed spirituality and modes of prayer that are distinctive to their orders. The RCIA participants wanted to know what each thought of the other - dangerous question.
The Dominican brother glanced at the Jesuit, took a breath, and said the Jesuit spirituality is beautiful "but it's not for me."

"That's beautiful, but it's not for me."

I think this phrase is key.
To ending the mommy wars.
To lessening our anxiety.
To passing on the comparison game.

It acknowledges the Good

So often we try to defend why we don't do something by tearing down the choices of others. Saying things about why homeschooling, breastfeeding, day care, gluten-free, etc. is THE WAY and anything else is lesser. Or at least not ideal.

However, no one makes the choices they do just for kicks. There are reasons and purpose behind them. There is a beauty whenever something fits a person. Acknowledging that what someone is doing has that beauty is powerful for a very simple reason.

It releases us from the grip of Envy

Envy cannot live with beauty. Envy wants to be ugly. Envy wants to rip beauty from others and gobble it down to never see the light of day.

Envy is what causes you to avoid that one friend you keep comparing yourself against.
Envy is what tells you that someone's pretty pictures on Instagram are the real reason you are unhappy.
Envy says you are never enough.

Beauty says you are each doing your best.
Beauty says you are enough.
Beauty says you can be so much more yourself when you turn toward the light.

It respects our own gifts, choices, and needs

Saying "That's beautiful, but it's not for me" respects that you have made different choices because you have your own set of gifts, choices, and needs. That those aspects of you and your life are valid. That you don't need to run after every bright, shiny, thing that might just be the "best thing ever" for your friend.

This saying notices that preferences are ok. That God gave you the taste he did for a reason.
It allows the reality that some things are easier for some people than others. That some things might rank high on another person's "need" list, but not even make an appearance on yours.

You're off the hook! You both are!

"That's beautiful, but it's not for me" is how friends can be friends without being clones.

What do you think of this phrase? Have you used something similar? 

Women We Won't See

When women play the comparison game, I’ve noticed something lacking.
The women seen as “having it all together” have their own weak areas ignored by others in order for this idea of them as “put together” to continue. The women who are self proclaimed “hot messes” don’t often show their strengths to others. I think this is a combination of women choosing to limit what they display to the world in order to fit in, and others placing a woman in a particular category and holding her to it.

What this, oh so conveniently, does is flatten women. It removes her dimensions, her complexity. Because the comparison game only really works on caricatures of women, not on women themselves.

This is why the comparison game is so objectifying, but the thought processes that make it possible might even be considered healthy. Women tend to see mostly the positives in others, and the negatives in ourselves. When this acts as an incentive to learn new skills and grow, it’s great! But the comparison game grows out of the negative mental narrations that are stifled from action.
This plays out in mental narrations like this:

"She manages to homeschool AND show up to mass on time. Why can't I get my one kid's shoes on?"

"That family had a whole pew of kids sit through mass THE WHOLE TIME. Yet every Sunday is a wrestling match in my pew."

These mental narrations can only happen because we block out all the things that other person doesn't do/doesn't do well, and cognitively emphasize all the things we perceive as lacking in ourselves. We don't notice that the mom who is on time and well organized does not have kids wearing well coordinated outfits and the dirty dishes sit in the sink until after dinner.
We get in the habit of picking on our personal weaknesses, and ignoring those things that come naturally.

"I could never do that." That is the phrase that seems to closely follow the comparison narration.

In most contexts where I have heard this phrase, it has been uttered as a way of displaying humility, as a socially acceptable form of self-loathing, or as a way to place the person(s) who do such a thing in an othered category.

It's a truth and a lie. It is true that you might actually not have the skills to do said thing right now. You might have no inclination to do said thing (and if it's not a matter of faith and morals, don't feel like you need to do it!). But the "never" is the snag.

There is a spiritual danger to this thinking.

The Devil would love for women to believe that they can't. That they are not capable of living out their chrism while mothering. Of growing skills. Of confronting those things in themselves that are raw and tender.

Refusal to see the whole person is a refusal to live as the Body of Christ. A refusal to be Church.
We have to cut out the comparison game because it pulls us apart internally, it pulls us apart from each other, and ultimately it pulls us away from closeness with God.

How have you seen the comparison game play out in your own life? Does this resonate with you?

She’s Probably Not Doing That *AT* You

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

1

If you somehow haven’t heard by now, the third royal baby was born! Yea babies! We got our first picture of Kate stepping out of the hospital with babe in arms.

And the internet went “OMG SHE’S WEARING HEELS?!” Cue memes about how real women postpartum. You know, not LIKE THAT.

Lots of people shared it. They probably felt good about themselves, they represent “real women”.

This seems amazingly hypocritical.

The same people who talk about how we need to be open to others, and everyone needs to do what works for them (“Do what you gotta do.”), made a meme to make fun of a woman doing what she has to do!

So empowering y’all.

2

“We’re not being mean, we’re just saying our experience wasn’t like that.”

Ok.

What about women who DO have experiences like that?

3

“We just want to point out that women shouldn’t hold themselves up to unreasonable expectations.”

Who gets to decide what is reasonable? Why can women not be trusted to discern a reasonable that might be different from your own? Is anyone seriously watching what a royal does and think “oh man, I wish I could be doing that too!” without also realizing the drastic difference between her day to day and that of a British royal?

4

The message seems to come down to “don’t let us know if you are doing well”.

Let’s say 90% of your day was struggle. The baby was colicky, plans fell through, you’re achy, everyone in whining. But you managed to eat a good meal and get dressed today. Why should the focus go to primarily the struggle and not the success? Don’t we tell women to focus on the positive?
For that matter, why does Kate not count as a success when she used the help and resources she has? Last I checked we wanted to encourage women to use their resources.

5

It gets creepy.

You know what posts do the best on social media? The ones about what is going wrong in my life. The ones about darkness. The ones that show me at my worst.

At some point it feels like people are scrolling through looking for someone doing worse than themselves so they can feel better about their own lives.

Even if that works for you, it’s a little messed up to need someone else to be doing badly so you can feel better.

6

I don’t think the problem is unrealistic expectations anymore. I think we have a problem, especially among women, with needing to be the same. Policing that sameness and displacing anyone different into a box of “other”. 

I’m one of those “others” most of the time. I don’t experience many things in what seems to be the manner of the majority. 

I don’t get morning sickness, I do well under pressure, I like to have a tidy home (or at least 20 minutes from clean) most of the time. I am almost always on time or early, and it does not make sense to my brain that people might not mean what they say.

7

I’m not unobservant. I notice that my being like this can make people uncomfortable. There are a lot of assumptions about what I “must think” without anyone taking the time to ask me.

I don’t care if your house is messy, I truly didn’t notice. It’s not my stuff - it doesn’t bother me.

I can empathize with you when you have hard pregnancies even if I haven’t experienced that.

I understand that my experience might not be everyone’s experience.

But I want to be allowed the social space to share my good!

Is not the point of having community not to glorify the good and support each other? I think we can do that without putting other women into a box marked “not one of us”.

On Being a Catholic Feminist

I am a Catholic Feminist. But that last word is really redundant.

I am a Catholic Feminist because I cannot be Catholic without being Feminist. If by Feminist it is meant that one believes in the dignity and worth of women as equal to men, than of course I am a Feminist. To be otherwise would make me a bad Catholic. Really.

The Catholic Church is the first institution that believed I am worthwhile purely because I am a human being.
In every other instance my personal worth is based on what I can offer or how I can be used.

Every. Other. Instance.

I have been asked to choose between my fertility or a career.
My health or my finances.
My intellect or my integrity.
The Catholic Church teaches that "the person represents the ultimate end of society" (CCC 1929) and that "the equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it" (CCC 1935). To demand these impossible choices within our own personhood, especially as broadly as our society does, is immoral and demeaning. These demands, still, fall disproportionately on women. When it comes to calling a spade a spade, I'm still going to bet on the Catholic Church before government or society.

But there are those who say "the Church hates women" and that I cannot possibly be a woman in the Church without being "complicit in your own oppression". This assertion normally centers around just three issues: abortion, contraception, and women priests. Abortion and contraception I believe fall under the false choices (typically fertility vs. career) listed above. So let's talk about women priests for a second.

I wrote an outline of my thoughts on this matter a while ago, but here is the gist of why I think the issue of female ordination should not determine whether or not the Church respects women. I think to say that women are not respected unless any of them can be priests is about the most disrespectful thing one can say about the lay state.

Think about it. By that same token, married people are not respected in the Church. Men over 40 are not respected. The mentally ill and the uneducated are not respected. Children are not respected
The list becomes quite lengthy.

To make ordination the basis of respect means that we would have to erase all the different states present within the Church, and within life. It is true that the life of laity has not always been best cared for or nurtured, but only a fool would argue that the lay state is not important to the Church! It is from the laity that our children are born, nurtured, and educated. The laity who carry out so many corporeal and spiritual works of mercy. Who are absolutely essential to the very breath of the Church.

Women in particular make up a disproportionate number of the laity that are so necessary to the life of the Church. If you have never read JPII's Letter to Women you are missing out on some of the most beautiful writing of praise for the state of womanhood.

"Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic." (Letter to Women)

I am at home within the Catholic Church.

I am empowered.

I am free.

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This month we are talking about women in the Church on the CWBN Blog Hop. Head over to read more takes on it!