Next week is NFP Awareness Week. Yes, again. But before we do that, I want to talk about sex and marriage, and why abstinence is a struggle for many (if not most) NFP practicing couples.

The most consistent critique that comes up whenever this topic is discussed is: "Shhhhh, if you're too negative no one will even try to live out the teachings!" Or it's, "There's nothing we can do about it, so why talk about it?"

Well I believe you are smarter than that, dear readers!

I believe you can handle hard topics, and nuance, and uncertainty.

Sex matters for marriages

There's a reason sex is "renewing your marriage vows" and date night isn't. Sex is so fundamental to a marriage, that a marriage is not valid until it is consummated (CCC 1640). Then why is it that we try to excuse away the importance of sex when it comes to selling NFP? If sex matters to begin a marriage, it must continue to matter within a marriage.

Sex is Emotional

We have this idea that there is sex on hand and emotional closeness on the other. I think this is a false separation. Sex is inherently emotional. Physical connection and emotional connection are joined, just as sex and marriage are joined. I will even go so far as to argue that sex is the ultimate emotional connection.


So now we get that sex matters in a marriage, and that there is not exact substitute. How do we go about discussing the frustrations of abstinence without just wanting to throw in the towel for NFP as a whole?

Let's not invalidate each other or ourselves

"It's not that bad."

"Other people have it so much worse."

"It's just for a while."

These are all statements meant to comfort but function to invalidate the person who has just confided their pain. Often, they are what we tell ourselves in order to get through a tough place - even when there is no end in sight to the tough place. Let's stop trying to tell ourselves that pain doesn't hurt and that struggles are negligible!
If we cannot accurately talk about the problem, how are we ever going to deal with it?

There are some serious holes in NFP methods and in medical knowledge

Let's just get it out there - women's reproductive medicine is woefully behind when it comes to the deeper biological understanding needed to have NFP methods that can work for everyone with minimal abstinence. I personally experienced many months where no NFP method could describe what I was seeing, and none of the multiple doctors (both GP and specialists) could work with me in understanding why my body wasn't functioning properly.

The more I've talked to other women using NFP, the more I hear about these situations where methods did not describe a woman's fertility accurately enough.
Where doctors labeled a woman requesting not to have to discuss birth control again as "non-compliant."
Where couples spend months on end unable to find available days when they have discerned a need to avoid pregnancy.

None of this means NFP is completely impossible or a bad idea, but it does mean that couples are experiencing some legitimate struggles and that struggling with NFP is not a rare experience.

It's not just you

You are not the only person frustrated with NFP!
You are not the only couple to feel the ache of having to hold back from the ultimate sign of the sacrament of marriage.
You are not a masochist for still adhering to the teachings of the Church, even when you feel the weight of the teaching.

We need to include the peripheries

If you are someone who has never struggled with abstinence, always had textbook cycles, conceived right away, breastfed and had 6 months of LAM infertility with no problem - congratulations you won the biological lottery.

The rest of us will have some struggles with this part of our lives at some point. We need to include everyone in the further development of NFP, including the afore mentioned lottery winners.
But also the subfertile, infertile, hyperfertile.
The women having to take birth control for legitimate medical reasons.
The women who can't/don't breastfeed.
The women who have mental or physical reproductive trauma.
The couples dealing with long term abstinence.
The couples struggling to discern what God is asking of their family.
The couples who have large families and the faithful parents of small families.


Struggles with NFP are not rare, unique, or even unusual.

Having struggles doesn't mean there isn't a beauty to NFP. Hard things can still be beautiful things.

What matters to me is that beautiful things are not unnecessarily hard. That we communicate honestly our struggles, and our joys, so that as a whole the practice of NFP can be a more practical tool for everyone.

What have you wanted to see in discussions of NFP? How could it better include your experience? 

On Being a Catholic Feminist

I am a Catholic Feminist. But that last word is really redundant.

I am a Catholic Feminist because I cannot be Catholic without being Feminist. If by Feminist it is meant that one believes in the dignity and worth of women as equal to men, than of course I am a Feminist. To be otherwise would make me a bad Catholic. Really.

The Catholic Church is the first institution that believed I am worthwhile purely because I am a human being.
In every other instance my personal worth is based on what I can offer or how I can be used.

Every. Other. Instance.

I have been asked to choose between my fertility or a career.
My health or my finances.
My intellect or my integrity.
The Catholic Church teaches that "the person represents the ultimate end of society" (CCC 1929) and that "the equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it" (CCC 1935). To demand these impossible choices within our own personhood, especially as broadly as our society does, is immoral and demeaning. These demands, still, fall disproportionately on women. When it comes to calling a spade a spade, I'm still going to bet on the Catholic Church before government or society.

But there are those who say "the Church hates women" and that I cannot possibly be a woman in the Church without being "complicit in your own oppression". This assertion normally centers around just three issues: abortion, contraception, and women priests. Abortion and contraception I believe fall under the false choices (typically fertility vs. career) listed above. So let's talk about women priests for a second.

I wrote an outline of my thoughts on this matter a while ago, but here is the gist of why I think the issue of female ordination should not determine whether or not the Church respects women. I think to say that women are not respected unless any of them can be priests is about the most disrespectful thing one can say about the lay state.

Think about it. By that same token, married people are not respected in the Church. Men over 40 are not respected. The mentally ill and the uneducated are not respected. Children are not respected
The list becomes quite lengthy.

To make ordination the basis of respect means that we would have to erase all the different states present within the Church, and within life. It is true that the life of laity has not always been best cared for or nurtured, but only a fool would argue that the lay state is not important to the Church! It is from the laity that our children are born, nurtured, and educated. The laity who carry out so many corporeal and spiritual works of mercy. Who are absolutely essential to the very breath of the Church.

Women in particular make up a disproportionate number of the laity that are so necessary to the life of the Church. If you have never read JPII's Letter to Women you are missing out on some of the most beautiful writing of praise for the state of womanhood.

"Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic." (Letter to Women)

I am at home within the Catholic Church.

I am empowered.

I am free.

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This month we are talking about women in the Church on the CWBN Blog Hop. Head over to read more takes on it!

Advent - Contain Your Excitement

Advent is coming! Now that we live in the Great White North it is very tempting to deck the halls with Christmas joy right when December 1st hits.

But we wait.

Advent is a season in of itself and it's worth the wait to let Advent do its work. Here's what we do before the joyous day of Christmas arrives!

Advent Wreath and Advent Decorating

On the first Sunday of Advent we put up our Advent wreath, greenery decorations, lights, and hang stockings.

This will be our first year getting a full size Christmas tree! While we'll probably get the tree in early December, I like the idea of not decorating it with ornaments until Gaudete Sunday. The Advent and Christmas seasons are a marathon - best to pace ourselves!

St. Nicholas (December 6th)

Our first Big Deal feast of Winter!
I grew up with the German style tradition of St. Nick filling stockings instead of shoes. I have a whole post on what we put in those stockings and how we celebrate the day.

St. Lucia (December 13th)

Like all good 90s girls, I was introduced to St. Lucia celebrations via American Girl books. This year Therese is finally big enough to play St. Lucia so maybe we'll add in more of the procession this year! Here's what the celebrations looked like last year.

Marian Feasts - Our Lady of Guadalupe (December 12th) and Immaculate Conception (December 8th)

There might be a lot of feasts in the month of December, but it would never do to forget mother Mary! I don't do anything too big for these feasts, but they are still celebrated.

Our Lady of Guadalupe is patroness of the pro-life movement. We watch the CCC Juan Diego movie and offer a rosary for life.

Immaculate Conception is actually for the conception of Mary, not the conception of Jesus (common mistake). It's also the patron feast day for the United States, and a solemnity. So get thee to mass, pray for the country, and have some sort of white dessert. Boom. Celebrated!

Ember Days - Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday of the 3rd Week of Advent

Those final days of preparation before settling into the welcoming of Christmas! I love Ember Days, but if you've never heard of them you're in good company. They are 3 days toward the beginning of each liturgical season set aside for fasting and prayer and to "to thank God for the gifts of nature, to teach men to make use of them in moderation, and to assist the needy." It contains the cleaning and preparing and forces me to stop and enjoy the fruits of our preparations! Read more about them here.

The beauty of letting Advent be Advent is we get to go all out through the whole Christmas season! This is the first year we will not be traveling to family for Christmas, and I'm planning an epic 12 day celebration. More on that later!

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Want more ideas? Check out other Advent posts on this month's CWBN Blog Hop!

Maybe It's Not Just About the Kids - Becoming a Catholic Parent

What does it mean to raise Catholic kids? I think it has more to do with forming Catholic parents first.

You know the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"? This is a part of parenting in which that is especially true - and also one where many are tempted to pretend it is not true. The reality is we can do x, y, z as perfect Catholic parents, but there is still no guarantee that we will get Catholic adults out of our kids.

There is no magic bullet for success in this challenge, however there is hope.

The best thing you can do to raise Catholic kids is to give them a Catholic parent serious about their own formation.

Your personal decision to take the charge of raising your children Catholic seriously is something you CAN guarantee. Here are three reminders that have been helpful to me in gaining perspective for teaching the faith to my own kids.

Treat teaching the faith like the J-O-B it is

If you were married in the Church, even if you are the sole Catholic spouse, you vowed to take on responsibility for raising your children Catholic. In that moment you gained a new job for life.

What would you need to do to do a good job at work? Show up, do what you say you will, make priorities, consult with coworkers, and adapt to changing circumstances. These are the basics of doing a good job. How could we expect our job of teaching the faith to require any less?

Just like in the workplace, not every endeavor, project, or attempt will be successful. That does not mean I'm failing at ALL THE THINGS. It just means I need to try something different.

For me this looks like:
Making sure the kids come to mass with me as much as possible.
Finding a way to go to the church at least one non-Sunday mass a week. That could be for a parish event, adoration, daily mass, or even just a pop into the church to say hi to Jesus.
Make my own faith formation commitments.
Seek out connection with others in the Catholic community, and feed those friendships.
Accept that life events happen, but those should mean a temporary change not a long term slide.

Know that I am not superwoman

There are many Church documents making it clear that Catholic parents are the primary educators of their children, but I have to be careful not to read "primary" as "only". The Church is not asking me to somehow form Catholic children on a deserted island. She has given me a husband, a parish, Catholic friends, godparents, and the larger Catholic community.

For me this looks like:
Taking advantage of any children's faith formation my parish offers.
Involving my husband in his own special way for the kid's faith formation. My husband likes to do Bible reading with the kids so that is a special thing they do with Dad.
Calling up, texting, or emailing trusted friends or family when I'm frustrated or need perspective.
Making sure the kids stay connected with their Catholic godparents.
Continue to reach out to other families and not settle into a clique.

Remember these kids are not just mine

My children are not mine to keep. They are beautiful souls entrusted to us for a time, but they are meant to become part of the bigger Church.
This concept is such a relief to me! It means that I do not need to mother hen them for the rest of their lives.
It also reminds me that my children ultimately have to choose to continue the faith as adults.
Faith formation is really about giving them as much of a foundation as we can so when the time comes to make their choice they are able to make a fully informed choice.

For me this looks like:
Praying for my children as individuals.
Praying for their future vocations and potential spouse.
Aiming to convey love and truth, not fear and anxiety.

Go over to the CWBN Blog Hop to read more takes on "Keeping our kids Catholic".

Do you do any of these things? What made a difference for you to stay Catholic?

Answering for My Catholicism

When I was in college and traveling I would often get into conversations with my airplane seatmate about my college thesis. It was a good follow up since my major is in the wide and vague field of Anthropology. Somehow I always managed to be talking to a former Catholic about my thesis on Catholic women and veiling. Their first response always included that one liner that you just know has gotten a lot of use since they left the Church.

"Oh, I'm a recovering Catholic." Like there's an AA for that.

"I used to be Catholic but now I'm a free thinker."

That one always galled me a bit. The implied idea that anyone who is truly intellectually curious cannot exist in the Catholic Church came up quite a bit. I would have to calm my internal ruffled feathers and ask more questions about their experience in the Church. I tried to keep in mind one of my favorite quotes from Archbishop Fulton Sheen: "There are not a hundred people in America who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions of people who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church — which is, of course, quite a different thing."

The top of my list of why I love being Catholic is that no matter how hard I investigate and seek to understand Church teachings, there are still more depths to plumb. It makes me so sad to meet so many people who came against an obstacle to faith and chose to turn away. For many it happened as a young kid. Young enough that the initial turning away came from being failed by the teachers and leaders they trusted and asked to help them understand.

It is true that the teachings do not have all modern sensibilities in mind. Thank God! I want a Church able to articulate who she is and not a chameleon one can never be quite sure about.

I find it amazing that I can read the desert fathers and hear someone speak to the heart of my struggles. A hermit man who lived thousands of miles away and over a thousand years ago can speak truth to my heart because that truth is still truth. That is the amazing beauty of the Catholic Church.

Understanding the teachings does not take faith to move mountains, it just takes a heart willing to listen. I love that the teachings are very logical - the reasoning of a position has been followed to it's logical conclusion and made sure that conclusion is still where we should want to go.

One of my guilty pleasures is reading about all of the heresies that have occurred through the ages.
(I know it sounds weird, bear with me!)
Heresies almost always start with a subtle, but important, misunderstanding of a theological principle. From there the heresy spreads, and what plays out is the full impact of following error to it's logical conclusion. It is not a place I would want to go. Getting intellectual concepts down has a huge impact on avoiding error, and when one reads about just a smattering of the many heresies that have led to great loss of life and terrible practices one starts to understand how important a role intellectuals can play in the Church.

I think we should all be intellectuals of a sort in the Church. Understanding theology is not just the arena, or responsibility, of a select few. Regular Catholics in the pew need to understand why we believe what we believe. Every Catholic, at some point, will be asked to answer for those beliefs. Best be ready!

This post is part of the monthly CWBN Blog Hop. Hop over to read more responses on this month's theme "why I love my Catholic faith".

Why do you love your Catholic faith?

A Tactile Prayer Life - Making Your Family Altar

I am a very tactile person when it comes to prayer. I like to have physical Bibles, prayer books, and rosary beads. This works out well when trying to teach little kids about prayer since they are very tactile too!

My greatest struggle with prayer is just starting! I have found having a family altar, or oratory, very helpful as a reminder that we should have prayer in our homes. Here's the typical things we have on our family altar.

Note: Apologies this will not have many pictures. Many of my liturgical items, kid faith art, and statues got crushed/beheaded in the move. A new opportunity for improvement awaits!

Crucifix

Nothing makes you think of Jesus more than seeing the guy himself in the moment of his crucifixion. Even young kids really get what the cross is all about when they see at least one crucifix on a regular basis.

Rosaries

Family rosary is never gonna happen if it's always proceeded by a scramble to find rosaries scattered all over the house. It also helps the kids to understand that rosaries are not toys when they are kept in a special place in the house.

Holy Family Statue

I really love statues of the Holy Family since they often show Jesus as a small child, and it seems to blow kid's minds that once upon a time Jesus was a little kid like them. It presents Joseph and Mary in their context as Jesus' mom and foster father which has helped my kids understand what the big deal is about them.

Candles

Fire is one of those magical elements that signal to kids "this is a big deal".
Having a candle stash by your altar is nice when you want to light a candle as a reminder to pray during a particular period of time during a day. Maybe someone is having surgery, is in labor, or doing a job interview. One more way to stay prayerful even when we have to attend to daily concerns.

I have three stashes of candles around my house: candles for prayer, candles for emergencies, and candles for ambiance/make the house smell pretty. I strongly suggest getting unscented candles for your family altar since it's sad to have to blow out a prayer candle that is making you nauseous.

Liturgical Year Items

These rotate depending on the time of year. I stash my blessed palms in a vase on the altar during the Easter season. We fill a red construction paper heart with the names of our loved ones who have died and place it on the altar for the month of November. There's a huge range of what you could do, but changing the look of the altar with the seasons has really helped my kids see where the differences are in the liturgical seasons.

Holy Water/Other Blessed Items

It's amazing how many blessed items a family can accumulate! In order to keep them together (and not forget they are blessed and should be treated differently) I like to keep them near our altar. Not necessarily on the altar since they are not all needed on a regular basis. A great example for this is the blessed chalk we use for the Epiphany house blessing. We only do the blessing once a year, but the rest of the year I need to manage not to use the chalk that is blessed as regular sidewalk chalk for the kids (because we did have father bless Crayola sidewalk chalk. It was on sale.)

Kid Faith Creations

The kids both participate in our Little Lambs faith formation program which sends us lots of super cute liturgical year crafts. Some of them are things I think are clever and useful for family prayer, and the kids get a lot of pride in seeing something they made go someplace as special as the family altar.

For more ideas about family altars, I highly recommend the book The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home by David Clayton and Leila Marie Lawler. It is very detailed so don't be afraid to take what you need and come back for more later.

This post is part of the Catholic Women Blogger's Network (CWBN) monthly Blog Hop! Make sure to click over to the hop to check out more posts on this month's theme: Different ways to pray - holiness in our daily lives.

Do you have a family altar? How to you like to physically live the liturgical year in your home?

A Good Confession

When I was preparing to make my first Confession, back in 3rd Grade CCD, my pastor told us a story about his first confession as a little boy. He wanted to make a really GOOD confession, so he wanted to have a really good sin to tell.
He decided to confess to the priest that he had killed his mother.

The priest, rightly, suspected this might not be the case and inquired a little more into why this 7 year old thought he killed his mother. The story of desiring to have a really good first confession came out, and the priest gave him a little talk about the importance of saying sins you actually committed.

I gleaned from this that a good confession did not necessarily entail having a big mortal sin to confess, but I was still confused about what makes a good confession. I always seemed to be confessing the same things every time, which, when the goal is never to commit those sins again, seemed to be the spiritual equivalent to spinning my wheels.

I was not just trying and failing to do better - I did not fully understand why these sins were a continual struggle or how to start stepping towards defeating those perpetual spiritual struggles.

It was not until going to a talk given by one of my favorite Dominican priests on the 7 Deadly Sins that I started to understand how to make a good confession. That talk gave me the words to name the root causes of my little spiritual struggles.

The one that blew my mind the most was Acedia. I had never heard the term before. Acedia has to do with sadness at a spiritual good. This is when you will do ANYTHING besides pray, go to mass, or pursue other spiritual goods. The very thought of going to confession or praying fills you with sadness and restlessness. Suddenly all those times I convinced myself I had "just gotten too busy" to pray seemed less innocent.

Having a name for root sins was a game changer for me. I could tell the priest specifically what I was struggling with and get much more fine tuned advice that addressed the root issue - not just my venial sin symptoms.

The beauty of examining your sins to find that root pattern is that each of the deadly sins is countered with a virtue. There is a practicality in the teaching that forces us to see ourselves as we really are, but also gives us the virtue road map to lead us out of those sinful patterns. It allows us the brutal honesty necessary to make a good confession, and the fighting chance to really mean it when we say "I firmly resolve with the help of your Grace to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin."

This post is part of the monthly CWBN Blog Hop. Check out other responses to "my true feelings about Confession" over at Reconciled to You.

Cleaning Out to Be a Better Disciple - The Lent Plan 2017

Hello everybody! We just got back Sunday night from a whirlwind house finding trip in Minneapolis and I think we found a house! More on that later as we make our housing decisions official.

Since we're planning on moving right after Easter, I'm working the moving preparations into my Lent. I started doing that because that was a logistical reality of our moving timing, but I like how the mindset that we need to be ready to go where ever we are called has changed how I'm approaching this Lent.

I am still doing the three prong take on, give up, and pray on focuses that I have used in past years, but I feel like this year has become a little more disciple-like - preparing myself, body and soul, to pick up and go.

Here's the plan!

Take On and Give Up

These two things go together this year. I'm taking on the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge and giving up all of the clutter I have been holding onto. Some of those are sentimental things that I cannot justify holding onto, cleaners I have been saving just in case I need them, craft supplies I have never used after storing them for nearly a decade, etc.

I made a very structured plan for myself to keep myself on track. You can check out my themed, color coded, display-of-type-A-gone-crazy plan on this post.

The 40 Bags idea is not just about physical clutter, but also has to do with digital, emotional, and spiritual clutter. Having a focused time on addressing that ignored baggage sounds like just the ticket for preparing to start anew.

I will be taking off Sundays and other feast days that would normally be exempted from the Lenten fast. The feasts make the fasts all the more meaningful!

Pray On

Since there is so much going on, and lots and lots of life changing decisions to make in the coming months, I am going to be focused on discernment this Lent. Setting aside particular time for 10 minute listening, 10 minute free write, and a dedicated rosary everyday.

When I know I have logistical discernment to do, I like to include the writing aspect so I can see how my thinking changes and what ideas and thoughts popped up.

Endow

I decided to run one last Endow study at my parish before we move. We will be working through the Aquinas Part 2 study that focuses on understanding the theological and moral virtues and applying them to our own lives as women in the world.

Because we are meeting most of the Fridays of Lent, I wanted to make this session a little more retreat-like. We are lucky enough to be able to use the former parish convent space which contains a BEAUTIFUL chapel. Our deacon has agreed to expose the Eucharist for us during the half hour prior to the meeting. So we get a half hour of adoration, a great study to feed our intellect and grow our understanding of faith, and some tea and fellowship time with other Catholic women every Friday for the 8 week session.

We start next week! There are still a few slots - if you are in the Berkeley, CA area, send me an email if you wish to join us.

This post is part of the CWBN Blog Hop with #HowILent theme! Check out the hop to reader how other Catholic women are doing Lent this year.

How are you planning your Lent this year? Do you do take on, give up, pray on?

What I'm Doing Here

This is part of the CWBN Blog Hop. Visit here each month for a new topic with Catholic women bloggers.

"What am I even doing here?"

I would be lying if I said that thought has never crossed my mind - in fact, it has happened in just about every situation. I question what I'm really working towards in ballet, in parish work, in auditions, even at the park. I wonder what I have to offer that is any different from everyone else or if I am making any forward movement at all.

Blogging might be one of the biggest areas of that last wondering. The blog world isn't exactly lacking the voice of a Catholic mom, but here I am talking anyway on the tiniest off chance I might be your brand of weird.

In case you're new here, I want to take the chance to let you get to know me a little better!

Intro time!

I'm a Texas girl living in the SF Bay Area. I'm home with my 4 and 2 year old during the day, and I dance, act, and sing by night. More on the About Me page

Why I Started Blogging

My first post was in July of 2015. I started writing my own blog because I had noticed that no one asked me any questions that did not relate to my kids. Ever. I figured that if no one thought I had anything to say than I had better start talking!

How This Blog Got Its Name

My husband suggested the name Under Thy Roof after my first few choices for blog names were taken. I wanted something to  simultaneously reference the little domestic church and the big Catholic Church.

Under Thy Roof references the words of the Roman Centurion in Matthew 8, which are also the last words we speak in preparation to receive the Eucharist at mass, "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." I like to think of my home, and my personhood, as being God's first and foremost. Hence it's all his roof. I just live and work here.

What I Do Here

You might have noticed that I write a lot about Catholicism, Parenting, Homeschool, Performing (mostly about Ballet but I throw some theater in there too), and I have a penchant for writing strong articles when something makes me mad.

I honestly think there are other people on the internet who can cover the first three better than I, in fact I know they do (maybe with the exception of this particular issue), but I feel like I'm speaking in an echo chamber when it comes to performing. I know it is not because there are not moms working in the performing arts, because I work with some of them and I am one, but their voices are hard to find outside the theater.

Performing is a big part of who I am, and that did not die with that first positive pregnancy test. Continuing to take my opportunities to perform, even with little kids, takes some creativity and gumption but has been well worth it. I am proud to show my kids that they enhance my life, and that it is possible, even desirable, to grow your passions at the same time. We've found a beautiful balance in our lives that allows both my husband and I to pursue what we love. 

I don't think I'm the only person like me out there, so I am writing this for her. 

For the mom who is currently walking through the intense loneliness and isolation of that first year with baby.

For the Catholic woman who feels called to veiling.

For the young adult who feels like they are a social pariah for wanting to be fully Catholic.

For the new homeschool parents who worries their kid is missing out.

For everyone who wonders what might have happened if they had stuck with ballet a little longer.

For anyone scared of going for something new and failing.

If I might be your flavor of weird, stick around and introduce yourself! If you just think I'm weird, stick around too. Lord knows you're in good company. 

The Double Gift and Burden of Faith

I was asked to provide my honest reflection and opinions of the new book Walk in Her Sandals edited by Kelly M. Wahlquist. I received a free copy of the book to review, but all opinions are my own.

This is a special CWBN Blog Hop! You can see the other blogs in the hop here.

The first thing that struck me about this book, Walk in Her Sandals, is that these are meaty chapters. This is not a frilly women's spirituality book that has many words yet says little.

The fiction imaginings helps the reader become immersed in what might have been going through the minds of women close to Jesus around the time of his Passion. What might it have been like to see such drastic changes in their loved ones who followed Jesus? What was it like to hear the stories about Jesus from those who actually saw them happen? What would we really do when faced with the fantastical yet real?

It's uncomfortable to think about, isn't it? It's uncomfortable to wonder if you would have really been a Christian if placed in these women's shoes (or sandals). It could not be excused as something "I just grew up with" or "what I've always done". For these women, saying they were followers of Jesus could not be hidden beneath such platitudes. They carried a true burden of faith. This is part of our Christian heritage. It is part of what it means to inherit the Christian tradition - to not shy away from what is hard or what is uncomfortable.

Often our greatest gifts are also our greatest burdens. Women know this in a very intimate way. Pregnancy is tough, and dealing with our fertility (whether hyper-fertile, sub-fertile, or infertile) is something we don't get to just forget about. That does not make these bad things, in fact, I would argue that the burden of our gifts make them greater gifts still because we have to continue to accept them as gifts.

This book has one of the most intelligent and honest reflections I've seen about maternity in a general Catholic women's spirituality book. The story they chose to fictionalize is the story of Miriam who is following Mary Magdalene to the tomb of Jesus on Easter Sunday. There is not a pregnant woman in sight, yet there is something very true about maternity in this story. It is the story of women being called to carry life, and that starts with a spiritual acceptance of life.

We often talk about "spiritual motherhood" in the Catholic Church, but I don't think it comes off well. Too often it's seen as some sort of bone we throw to women who are struggling with infertility. Like somehow caring for strangers is supposed to take away that longing for an infant of your own to cherish. Or it's assumed that we have no need for spiritual motherhood once we have our own biological children. Neither of these things is true.

We are all called to reach outside of ourselves, of our own little groups, and of our own families to care for the Other. Spiritual parenthood is not something exclusive to women - men too are called to spiritually father. One of the best insights I've heard on spiritual parenthood actually came from my bishop during a diaconate ordination. In his homily, he shared the advice he gives to priests who are having a hard time praying and being so constantly available to others: it's not about you. You aren't praying to "get something out of it". You aren't caring for a friend in need to get good karma. You are doing it to practice loving.

At a very fundamental level, Love is one of the most basic vocations in the Christian life. Love is the thread that runs through this book, as it runs through the Passion of the Christ himself. The book begins on Palm Sunday, through the Passiontide and Easter Sunday, and ends on Pentecost.

If you are looking for something to help you reflect more deeply on Christ, scriptures, and our lives as Catholic women this Lent - this might be the book for you!

It is designed to be done in a group, though I could see going through this book as a private devotion as well. Copies can be ordered on the WINE: Women in the New Evangelization website. There will be an accompanying journal available during Lent!

What experiences have you had with faith? What are you struggling with as Lent approaches? What have been your experiences with spiritual motherhood?