7 Misconceptions I Had About Motherhood Before My First Baby

As I am currently stuck under sleeping baby #3, I got nostalgic thinking of all the things I believed about motherhood before I had baby #1. Past me, LOL. This is not at all how I pictured motherhood, yet everything I need motherhood to be.

1. Community will just happen

It's like my pregnant mind forgot that all relationships, including while you are parenting, will require time and effort.

Community is not impossible to find, but does need initiative. Isolation does not not breed connection. Making the effort to call up a friend for a short chat, invite someone for a walk around the neighborhood, or showing up for a church event pays off.

2.  You need a "mom tribe”

We've all seen the click-bait articles, don't buy it.
The in vogue belief that all moms need a "mom tribe" leaves the unspoken impression that moms can only have authentic connection with other moms. Now it's awesome to connect with other mothers in the same trench, but nothing beats the perspective giving help of interaction with someone in a different season of life!

3.  I know exactly what I will need for baby

Yes I am the oldest of five and have babysat more kids than I can remember, but that does not mean I know what THIS baby will need. All people have different needs (surprising, I know) and what works for one might not work for another.

Time has marched on and people have come up with some hands-down clever tools for getting through parenting tiny people! No shame in needing to invest in a new baby item when it makes the difference between a happy, sleeping, baby and a screaming banshee baby.

4. I will do “x” parenting style, obviously

I only heard that there were such a thing as named parenting styles while pregnant with my first baby. So naturally I had to find my perfect fit parenting style, and commit to it, right then! Attachment parenting was the "in" thing in my area, and people online were gung-ho about it, so that was what I was going to do!
Then PPD happened. And breastfeeding did not work. And the whole thing came crashing down.

If I had given myself the grace to do what worked, and the space to figure out what worked, I could have saved myself a lot of hard times.

5. “x thing I’ve never tried before” is too hard/too messy/too expensive/won’t work 

I am shocked to find myself cloth diapering, formula feeding, and babywearing into toddlerhood. It is the exact opposite of what I assumed I would do, but it works for us.

It is amazing how many myths about parenting one can buy into when not yet a parent. Cloth diapering was my personal minefield of myths. I thought it was only for hippies who did not care much for personal hygiene anyway. It would be too expensive to get started, and there was no way I could manage it when the only access to a washer/dryer was the laundromat two blocks up.

Then I found out my super cool mom neighbor cloth diapered with a diaper service. I did not think they were crazy hippies and they were probably just as budget-aware as us. I had my first sensitive skin baby and need a solution to the perpetual diaper rash.
So we gave it a shot and loved it!

Now with baby #3 we're even washing them ourselves. Not gonna lie, cloth diapering can totally still be messy but it's a lot less gross than I assumed.

6. I will either feel like I can handle anything or be insecure about everything 

There was no middle ground in my early mothering days: I was either supermom with no problems or completely overwhelmed and failing at everything. I would not have admitted this thought consciously at the time, but my control and security in motherhood was very fragile before my first baby. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop or for judgement to happen (Mommy Impostor Syndrome could totally be a thing.)

Owning my motherhood was a process. Admitting I did not have it all together was one thing, but accepting I could be good at something, while still struggling elsewhere, was a novel thing for me.
I did not relax into motherhood so much as actively take up my struggles AND gifts in one armload and keep walking down the mothering road.

7. It will get easier when “x”

I held out a mythical "it will be easier when _____" carrot for too long. There is no easier, there is just different. Learning to watch for a difference, instead of waiting for easy, made a huge change in how I mentally handled my current parenting challenges.

Do you see any of your own misconceptions? Think I'm totally off the money? What were some things you believed pre-babies that life debunked for you?