It was early on in our marriage, and my husband Aaron was having a bad day. I decided to make him feel better by giving him the Saturday afternoon to himself while I went grocery shopping, something we normally do together. While I was out, I kept thinking about how I could make him feel better, so I bought him some popcorn he’d been wanting, a pie, and four movies that I thought he’d like.
When I got home and showered him with the presents, however, I was crushed when it didn’t lift his spirits.
You see, my love language is receiving gifts, which means that I feel loved most deeply when I receive a gift that has a lot of meaning or thought behind it. I hadn’t yet learned that receiving gifts was not my husband’s love language, however.
Of course, my receiving gifts nature isn’t easy for my husband – not because he has to buy me things, but because I’ve also eliminated all of the go-to-gifts that husbands give their wives – I don’t like chocolate, wine, or coffee!
The common misconception about being a receiving gifts gal is that it means I am superficial or materialistic, but in reality, it’s not the gift – it’s the effort and thought that goes into it that’s important to me.
For example, the best gift Aaron ever gave me while we were dating (well, besides an engagement ring!) was a jar with 365 notes in it, one for each day of the year after we began the long-distance side of dating. Each day of that year, he gave me a physical reminder of how much he loved me, which is exactly what I needed during that time. And it didn’t cost him a penny – but it sure did cost him a lot of time writing out all of those notes, which was what made it so special.
Another of my favorites was when he remembered how sad I’d been to find out that Anastasia wasn’t a Disney movie (which, I’m still kind of bummed about), and bought a copy for my birthday, put a Disney label over each reference to Fox, and wrote me an “official” letter from the company explaining how they’d made a mistake and that Anastasia was, in fact, a Disney movie. Again, this simple present didn’t cost much, but it meant the world to me that he remembered that passing remark from a few months prior and went to all that trouble to appease my silly desires.
I feel most loved as a receiving gifts gal when Aaron knows I’ve had a bad day, so he picks up a box of candy from the store for me on the way home. Or when he leaves me a note on the kitchen table before he leaves for work when I wasn’t awake to say goodbye. Or even when he rubs my shoulder at the end of the day after I’ve strained it with too much typing. In the end, it’s not about the candy or the note or the shoulder rub (though all of those are appreciated) – it’s that I can feel how much he cares about me through these thoughtful gifts.
In addition to the meaning behind it, receiving gifts is also just about having something tangible that reminds me how much I’m loved. As someone who has long struggled with anxiety, I would spend lots of time analyzing every aspect of our relationship when we were dating, especially during the two years we were long distance. Having something physical to hold in my hands and see with my eyes, like an old sweatshirt he let me keep for a while, aided me in the moments of doubt, and made me feel closer to him when we weren’t physically together. Love isn’t tangible, and I like feeling reassurance of that love with things that are.
If you know a receiving gifts person and are struggling to show your love for them (or are feeling like a selfish person for desiring presents), just remember that it’s not about the money spent, but the effort given. It’s easy to give a gift that costs a lot of money, but it means more to receive a gift that’s cost a lot of thought.
Make sure to check out the previous installments in this series:
Is your love language receiving gifts? What has been the most meaningful gift you have received? Is giving gifts a weak point for you?
