I've been doing more research on Amelia Hill House and have made a breakthrough - I tracked down the original land patent for the plot of our home!

It was bought on March 10, 1860 under the Scrip Warren Act of 1855. With help from a trusty friend with calligraphy skills, we are able to determine that there was some home (or what counted enough as a home) on the land in 1860. While the land was claimed using the War of 1812 military credentials of William Casen, it was claimed for a Henry Schmidt.

It claimed two tracts of land, totaling 160 acres. Combining with the known location of this house and the remembered history from the grand children, my best guess is the house was located in the upper tract and the fields in the lower tract.

The grandchildren say that Albert Schmidt built this house, but he wasn't born until 6 years after the land claim. I think the Henry Schmidt mentioned on the land patent is likely to be Fredrick Henry Benjamin Schmidt - Albert's father.

One of the reasons I don't think our house existed in this final form in 1860 is because Fredrick Schmidt is listed as living in the St. Anthony neighborhood of Minneapolis, with his wife and one year old baby, in 1860 by the US Census.
The vast majority of military service land claims were sold to third parties, so it is likely that Fredrick Schmidt and William Casens never knew each other.

The US Census of 1870 just lists the family as living in Minnesota, but the state census of 1875 specifies the family living in Plymouth. So at least by 1875 there was a structure here able to house a family of nine (kids ranged in age from 11 to 2 years old by then. Albert was 3.)

By 1880 the household had grown to include 3 adult farmhands, in addition to the 8 kids who now ranged from 21-5 years old. Based on that information, I'm comfortable with saying this house was largely in it's current form (minus the kitchen and bathroom additions we currently have when the house was modernized in the 1950s) by 1880, and potentially by 1875.

In this process of figuring out the house timeline, I also discovered the burial place of the founding family - and it's just down the road!

They seem to have been a founding family of the nearby Lutheran church, which makes sense considering the Fredrick Schmidt immigrated to Minnesota from Prussia, and many of the family members are buried in the old chapel cemetery.

For All Souls Day we are planning on going to say hi! Seems fitting to pay our respects if we live in their house.

Caring About It All When You Don't Have Answers

There always seems to be something, doesn't it? Always something to be outraged about, annoyed by. Something that needs correcting. It's natural to feel burned out, tuned out, and tempted to numbness. But I don't think Jesus calls his disciples to become numb to pain or to silence righteous anger. Here's five ways we can care about it all, even, and especially, when we don't have the answers.

1 Clean your own house first

It's so much easier to be angry and correct "those" people. Those others. Those guys who aren't us.
Case in point: #postcardsformacon. Yes, the French president was a misogynist jerk to make that kind of blanket claim. He should be called out on that. But I saw post after post after post about THAT and crickets about the issues in our own Catholic Church.

Was not another Catholic woman upset that in that same week as Macon's comments we had multiple comments from Bishops claiming that women can be represented at the Synod without the vote? This is a Synod talking about vocational discernment, and women make up 80% of consecrated people in the Church. But not a single one can vote?

Before we get on this comfortable pedestal about how much more enlightened we are than the French president about the value of women in all areas, we need to notice the log in our own eye.

2 Be aware of your own baggage

Are there issues that you react to without thinking critically? I sincerely doubt any person can say an honest no to that question.
We all have our own prejudices and personal orthodoxies. It's not bad to let your history and experiences shape your perception, but it is bad to not be aware of the impact of your baggage.

For instance, I know that I need to wait a beat before talking about breastfeeding. I suffered under the "breast is best" message - to the detriment of my own health and that of my first two babies. I want desperately to prevent any other woman from going through that, but I must make sure I first understand what a mother is asking when she talks to me about breastfeeding difficulties.

Sometimes she doesn't want me to say anything, she just wants to tell another human being her honest struggles. Sometimes she wants me to point her in the direction of help. Sometimes she wants someone to tell her it's ok to do something different.

If I told every woman who talks to me about her struggles with breastfeeding to "just formula feed like me!" I would be an awful friend. That is tempting, having the answer feels good, but I have to keep my own baggage in check to be present to the other person.

3 Righteous Anger is not "emoting"

There is a bias toward stoicism in Western culture. We tend to think of the sterile and detached perceptions as the correct ones. If there is a whiff of intensity, we are told to "not be so emotional".
But emotional intensity does not necessarily equal "emoting". Emotional intensity can be an appropriate reaction to a great evil.

Emotions get associated with women, non-white cultures, and other people who generally not been welcomed in the public discussion sphere. I have experienced a group policing of other's emotionally charged reactions. Because the intensity of one might impact us all.
We wouldn't want those in charge to see the true impact of their choices. Let's keep that quiet.
And then we wonder how abuse and evil could possibly have been allowed to fester.

Don't be afraid of big emotions! But harness them. Let them out and look behind them to see what is informing them. Don't train your body not to be upset about upsetting things. 

4 Others can care more than you, but you don't get to not care

Sometimes the current outrage is outside of your range of experience. That's ok.
Maybe you have not personally experienced sexual abuse or systemic discrimination. It can feel overwhelming to process the reactions of people who have experienced something so far away from your own life events.

But it's important not to let the people who have lived through something awful to confront that awfulness alone. Christians are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. It's not optional to be unaware of the evils of the world.

5 Self care is important, but do it well

Self care is a concept that I hear many women struggle to reconcile with the sheer amount of demands in their lives. Because to give something to yourself, you must take away from someone else, right?
I don't think self care has to come from a zero sum game. I think there are more choices within our days than we give ourselves license to notice. But not everything we do in the name of self care is a healthy choice.

I hear many people say they no longer keep up with news. They honestly have no idea what is going on the in the world, their city, their community. Yes, it's probably mentally healthy not to be glued to our 24-hour news cycle, but it's not community building to have it's members be oblivious to issues.

Healthy self care, like most things in life, rests in the happy, yet uncomfortable, middle. Maybe you need to take a few days set aside to not be connected to news, but then you can come back from that ready to keep your news consumption within limited hours. The goal is to avoid extremism while still being informed enough to have productive conversations that have the power to move the conversation forward. We can't do that if community members don't even know there is a problem to discuss.


All of this is not to say that there can't be diversity in our reactions, responses, and concerns.
Not every single person is called to be an organizer, a writer, a speaker, a public doer.
But we are all called to love and be connection with each other.
That calling means caring. Even when we don't want to hear it or think there is nothing we can do.

What do you wish you could see discussed more often among Catholic women? Is there something that has been sitting on your heart that you wish you could share more openly?

Um, Why Aren't We More Concerned About This Synod?

Many Catholics questioned the wisdom of continuing with the Synod on Young People, the Faith, and Vocational Discernment. We are in the middle on an ongoing, world wide, crisis of abuse and it's cover up. That seems to fundamentally impact the very people this Synod is meant to address - a concern shared by some bishops. But the Synod has been in the works for so long, better not to stand in front of that train. At least it couldn't cause harm, right?

Well, that remains to be seen.

As a young Catholic woman, this Synod has given me some serious concerns about the Vatican's ability or inclination to work with women within the Church.

Even though 80% of consecrated people are women, they are not represented among those with voting power at the Synod. In stark contrast, brothers, who share the same canonical status as religious sisters ARE afforded a vote. This is not a question of ordination or Canon Law. This is a direct discrimination based solely on gender.

I love the Church, and I believe in it's teachings, but I want to remind my fellow Catholics that we are not required to believe and support every little nuance of how things have been done. If it is not a matter of Faith and Morals, faithful Catholics are fully allowed to disagree.

I am exhausted by the commentary on this issue of overt exclusion of women that is often ended by "let's hope and pray that we can do things differently in the future." Often a reminder that we shouldn't get angry about this injustice is thrown in there for good measure.

Frankly, if this situation doesn't upset you I am a little concerned for you.

I understand crisis fatigue, the desire to talk about good things for a change, and the apathy that sets in after watching the bumbling attempts at damage control by the hierarchy - instead of the kind loving guidance of a father that we are due. However, I believe we have good reason not to place our trust in the same men who failed to amend and render justice in the Church when they said they did over a decade ago. An attempt that still came decades too late.

When the reasoning for why women religious superior generals cannot vote, but brother superiors may, relies on numerous people overlooking women because "They haven’t been used to thinking this way" I don't think the hierarchy is ready for their relating to women training wheels to come off just yet.

I keep speaking up, and writing, and talking to people, about the crisis and the reality of the Church because I understand that that is what it means to be a faithful Catholic woman right now. It's not a nice option if it's something you feel called to do. It is abundantly clear that the men of our Church might desire to do the right thing, but they cannot do it if we don't tell them what we need and hold them accountable.

It is very easy for little voices to be silenced. It is so simple to be apathetic and allow for injustice to continue it's course. How nice it would be for Someone Else to stick their neck out as a sacrificial lamb for ourselves.

Oh wait, Jesus did.
Jesus already came and provided an open path for salvation. But we have free will, and we have to cooperate with grace.

I hate to be a debby downer, but sanctifying grace is not known for it's warm fuzzies. You probably aren't going to feel good. You might not see an immediate result. But refusing grace is not an option if we wish to be disciples.

If we love Jesus, we must love his Church. The most loving thing to do in the face of injustice is not to enable it. To call it what it is by name, and to push for the good. For a Church to be what she preaches.

Men, we need you to listen to women and see injustice too. The beauty of talking about reality is it is ready and available for anyone to see if they merely look.
Women, we need to speak to each other and educate ourselves. Keeping up to date on what is happening in the Church is necessary if we are to have productive conversations.

UPDATE: I was reminded that the superiors general of the Dominicans, Jesuits, and Conventual Franciscans, all voting members of the Synod, are calling for the inclusion of women voters, and that the men's Union of Superiors General has been sending non-ordained representatives as voting representatives since 2015. This synod was the opportunity for a change at a later synod.

Was any of this news for you? How can you become involved in discussions that move the Church forward, whatever your state in life?

Let's Talk About "It's a Season"

Seasons of life. It's a convenient image, and one that can take some of the stress out of a difficult time - after all, seasons come and go.
Where I get concerned is when "season of life" is claimed in a less temporary manner. When a hard season is really survival mode that stretches into indefinite lengths.

It's not a "season" if it can reasonably last over a decade! If Winter lasted as long as the young child rearing time of life for many of us, we wouldn't be saying "It's just a season." We would call it a Little Ice Age, and we would be talking about how troubling it is and what we can do to change things.

But perhaps that's the point - not to change things. To accept that we are powerless over our own lives, and enforce that between each other, by proclaiming overwhelm, burn out, and isolation as the natural components of "this season of life." After all, the narrative of "I can't" began with that first positive pregnancy test.

We all know there are things pregnant women must avoid for the safety of themselves and their unborn children. But not all recommendations are grounded in good evidence, and some beliefs have no grounding at all. Things like avoiding bicycle riding and other aerobic exercise. Exercise is not contraindicated for pregnant women as a group, just those with particular conditions, yet my dancing Ballet while pregnant was continuously noted to be an unnecessary risk.

The avoidance of risk can became a way to feel in control of an out of control process. If you check all the boxes and do everything perfectly, you're guaranteed to have a healthy pregnancy, birth, and baby. Right? Eventually we can start to think the guidelines work like magic - fulfill them and you will receive their promises.

But life is inherently risky! Loving is risky. Living is risky. The Cross is about as risky as it gets.

Sometimes avoiding risk can look like taking up our cross. We can proclaim how we live out our vocation as young mothers by proclaiming "I do small things!" Which it true, and good, and beautiful. Much of the work needed in this world is considered a small thing.
Where I have issues with it is when "I do small things!" becomes "I can only do small things."

We start to shrink our own possibilities, and the opportunities to say yes to what God might be asking of us.

What has been your experience with discussions about "seasons of life"? 

Has this term been helpful or limiting for you?

An Amelia Hill House Fall Update

It was pointed out to me that I have been awful at blog documenting this Amelia Hill House renovation adventure. An adventure it has been! If you're on Instagram, you have had a sneak preview in my stories. If not, here's what's been up in the old farmhouse!

Library is getting bookshelves like a proper library!

Bookshelves are getting installed this week, and I'm so happy with them! We sprung for having a local carpenter build shelves out of real wood, instead of doing the IKEA route again. It felt right for the age of the house to add something long lasting and useful.

These are the entire length of this room, but it won't all fit in the frame. Six bookcases total.

Next week we can finally start putting books on shelves, and not in multiple boxes and bins. The luxury!

And paint!

Picking a color for this room was probably the hardest decision about the house for me (besides buying the house.) It felt like such a big deal to pick a color for an entire room. Not just the baseboards, cabinets, or a wall.

We hemmed and hawed, and vacillated between blues and greens - and red for a hot minute there. We have not had a sunny day since we started painting this past Monday, but soon we will see how this looks in full light! This light has made it impossible to capture a true color photo of the color, but it is Sycamore Grove from Behr which looks more of a richer green on our walls.

But the lighting may be an issue

Full light is something sorely lacking in the library as of late, and not just due to the dreary weather.
When I was scraping the ceiling of its popcorn (more on that later) I had to remove the old light fixture to safely scrape that area. I've never loved the fixture, and it has always manage to be a bit dim - despite having 5 light bulbs. However I wasn't expecting to find cloth covered wires and no ground wire.

You might recall that rewiring the entire house was part of our pre-move in contractor work. Or so I thought. We're trying to understand what, exactly, happened in the communication breakdown between what we got in the estimate and what the electrician believed to be his scope of work. That outdated wiring limits what kind of fixture we can install, and it may not even be safe to install anything.

Hopefully that gets ironed out soon. The days are growing shorter here in the north!

Oh ceilings

Now about that ceiling.

We had your typical popcorn ceiling in the library. I don't actually mind popcorn ceilings, but when we took down the room length mirror door closet, it exposed a radically different texture on that part of the ceiling. Leaving them as is wasn't going to work long term.

So I started scraping, to limited success. I mostly succeeded in getting the large bumpy parts off, but there was still a definite varying texture remaining.

So we rented a dry wall sander from Home Depot and started sanding.

Oh my goodness. Even with being hooked up to a shop vac, that room, and it's adjourning rooms, looked like they were covered in volcanic ash. We're probably doing to be dusting for a week, just to get back to normal. So lesson learned - don't try and sand off remaining popcorn ceiling.

Now I'm not sure what to do. Heavy duty hand scraper? Just cover the whole thing? If so, which what? I don't feel keen to put up new popcorn ceiling after the rain of dust and spider webs that came off the old one. Open to ideas in the comments!

The nursery is getting some color

Nursery color was a much easier decision. Maybe because it's a smaller room, way up at the top of the house, and only inhabited by the least verbal of my children. We went with Daydream from Sherwin Williams. It's sort of a lilac grey but it looks much more on the lavender side on our walls. That works for me, but would have been frustrating if we were going for more of a delicate color.

I need to do one more coat of color, then start on the trim, but then this room will finally be open for occupation! The kids are so excited to do The Great Room Swap again.

Projects on the back burner

In an old house, there is always more that could be done, but some are higher on the list than others.
That includes things like: cleaning out the garage, planning a functional garden for next year, replacing some doors, painting the day nursery ceiling, and making any sort of organizational effort in the day nursery actually. It's currently just an explosion of toys that I choose to ignore for the time being.

Projects on the back back burner

Then there are the things that probably aren't going to happen for another few years. They include getting the fireplace in working order (although I do think adding candles in there does a lot to brighten and cozy the room.)
Decorating the guest house with any sort of vision.
Replacing our crumbling retaining wall next to the stone patio (granted this might get moved up to back burner status out of necessity, but probably not until next spring/summer.)
Updating our extremely 1970's living room so it's not the darkest room in the house, and doesn't mesh with it's adjourning rooms in style or feel at all.

Rachel from Efficient Momma has some help with that last one! She has started offering room consultations, and she worked on our living room as part of her portfolio.
Some rooms in the house were very easy for me to envision and break down into actionable steps. This living room? It just felt like a giant block of scary. Painting the fireplace had been suggested, but I had a hard time picturing that in the space. Rachel's photoshopping skills helped me a lot!

She includes links to specific products and DIY tutorials, along with her thoughts and reasoning, in a helpful item-by-item write up along with the photo. Even though we probably won't tackle this space for a while, I feel like at least I can keep an eye out for specific items, like the large area rug, as we acquire items for other areas of the house.

Overall, I'm so happy to be doing this work! Even when it gives me blisters on my hands from painting so much. Getting all the interior spaces in the house usable by winter has been a big goal for me, and I think it can happen!

Going to throw this out there because sometimes the Internet is a magic genie granter-of-wishes-and-dreams: if you know of a good place to get things like rugs, chairs/couches, lamps, and other library needed items in the Minneapolis area or online - let me know! I would love to thrift or antique these items if I can.
I can re-pay you in an open invitation to join me for coffee, or a whiskey, in the completed Amelia Hill House library!

Updating to link up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!