1
I have a particular need to do something meaningful, or tackle a project that has been forgotten, when I'm grieving a loss. Really any loss, but especially a death.
It's why my house looks oddly clean for someone morning her child.
And why you are likely to find the entire contents of a closet or drawer on the kitchen table while I re-organize spaces that have bugged me for months.
When things are happening that are not in my control, it helps to make my surroundings just a little better.
2
If not apparent from the above, I'm awful at resting.
I'm a slow physical healer and I know the need to rest is a thing for promoting better healing. But I hate it. I hate feeling like my body can't let me live my life.
So I bribe myself....
3
With books!
But not fiction. For some reason I have a decided distaste for most fiction, and it gets bad in grief times. When there is so much to process, and so many things I can never know or understand, I love me some thick history books.
History is knowable, verifiable, and enlightening for the present. Understanding a little more about something beyond my own grief is what lets me be ok laying in bed when I'm supposed to do so.
4
Tea is amazing.
I still love my coffee, but for some reason Earl Grey tea has been my jam during this time. Hot drinks, even in summer, remains an important tool for reminding myself to pause.
5
Then there's writing.
I do keep a bullet journal and do some writing processing that way, but this time around I haven't been as inclined to write about it on the blog. I know the words might come eventually, but I'm deciding it's also ok to not share everything with the internet (as lovely as y'all are.)
6
Speaking of the blog, Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum wrote about blogging as a side hustle vs. leisure as her 7 Quick Takes today. If you can't tell by the fact that I'm still a proud blogspot.com URL user in 2019, this is not a side hustle blog.
Growing the blog was never about getting well known, getting my writing out there, making money, or launching a career (which is good because I'd say most of that has not happened.) I've always written this blog hoping to reach just one person who needed to hear it. Just to let one person know they were not the only person on this Earth who shares their struggle, concern, or perspective. Just let one person not feel so alone.
"Grow enough to reach the one" is basically what I do around here.
7
I did have a goal to participate in community better, perhaps via the blog, back when this all started in 2015. Sometimes I forget how successful the internet has been in that regard.
Going through another miscarriage has brought that reminder.
Far away internet friends have sent cards and restaurant gift cards. I've relied on books written by fellow bloggers to help me through this. Priest friends read the update and offered prayers and liturgies for our baby.
Over the years there have been conference meet ups, skill shares, Facebook groups, and messaging friends I only know from the internet when I happen to be traveling through their town to ask them to get coffee. It can sometimes be weird to be so invested in people I've never met in person, but thank you to all the people who have said yes to hanging out with me.
Thanks to the mighty few who have been readers since the beginning.
The ones who keep coming back even when I float away from speaking to your specific season of life. Thanks for riding on this journey with me.
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New this week:
Thank you so much for sharing about your grief process. I think it's so beautiful to see how God works in others, particularly in times of such tremendous sorrow-to see how you are making time to let yourself grieve and to slow down (as hard as it is for a doer!) is such an inspiration to me. I also love what you say about hot tea being a reminder to pause-I completely agree! I just bought a new pack of Earl Grey this week, so I'll be thinking of you as I partake of it over here ;)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a former pastor's wife (who got to deal with a lot of grieving people), the five stages of grief isn't a progression, but just a list. The stages occur in a completely random order and at random times. You do you, and hang in there. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSo deeply sorry to hear of your miscarriage. <3 Though everyone's experience is unique, you're not alone. Hugs to you from one miscarriage mama to another.
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