Advent is just around the corner, and perhaps the cringy-est liturgical living ghost is about to appear: the Advent Grinch.
I get it. It bothers you that December is filled with Christmas parties, sales, community events, and movies. Because it is NOT Christmas, and you DON'T want to celebrate it already.
However, it's probably bad for evangelization to put down the secular world trying to participate in a season it vaguely remembers and longs to hold. It seems counterproductive to be against celebrating such an important season, even if it is done a little off time. They're trying.
Instead of making Advent a protest against the secular world celebrating imperfectly, it seems far more charitable to stop policing Advent as a negative and start celebrating it as a positive.
The Little Lent
If you want to make sure your family is clear on the difference between Advent and Christmas, a simple way to start is embracing the penitential aspect of the season. Have you noticed how the liturgical color is purple, the same as during Lent? Advent is a "little Lent", a second preparatory and penitential season. Picking a mortification as individuals or as a family can help focus the season.
This comes with a caveat - your mortification cannot force the mortification of others. It's just unkind and negates the individual discipline of the practice. If you want to give up "going to Christmas parties during Advent" largely because you want a reason to not attend those gatherings, that might need a little more examination. Are you really doing a private mortification to prepare your heart for the coming of Christmas or are you falling into pride? Telling your friend that you aren't attending their party because it's inappropriate to have Christmas parties in Advent is probably going to embarrass your friend and cause harm to that relationship.
You don't have to accept every invitation, but you do have to exercise kindness and charity.
Pick and Choose
Although we are generally able to better accept Lent will look a little different for each of us, we aren't always as generous with variation when it comes to Advent. Instead it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to do ALL THE THINGS. Jesse Tree, Advent wreath, special feast days and the feast days that don't resonate with your family.
You don't have to do any of it. It's nice, they can make good memories, but if it is causing you to be stretched thin or beat yourself up for forgetting the Jessie Tree again - maybe you're better off simplifying.
It's fine to do what works for you.
The only Advent traditions we do are the ones that have deep meaning for us, we enjoy doing, and that help us orient towards Christmas. For us St. Nicholas, St. Lucia, Ember Days, Advent wreath, and slow decorating make the cut. That's it.
We don't do much of anything for Our Lady of Guadalupe now, we don't do Jessie Tree, hunt for the baby Jesus, or many other fine and dandy traditions. What you do once does not actually mean you are trapped in celebrating in a particular way forever. Extend yourself the grace to grow and change, and it makes it easier to extend that to others.
Lean into the Christmas season.
The single easiest way I have found to not be an Advent Grinch is to make my Christmas season radically different from Advent. We lean way into the Christmas season. The 12 Days of Christmas (Christmas to Epiphany) are both highly celebratory and laid back. We are off from school and outside classes. We make ourselves available to welcome friends and family. I prep freezer meals and cookie dough and do a deep clean during the Ember Days. That leaves me free of lots of household duties during the 12 Days of Christmas.
It doesn't need to be fancy. In fact, it probably shouldn't be fancy.
If you want some ideas for this time, you can check out my 12 lists for the 12 Days of Christmas post.
Haven't heard of these Ember Days I mentioned? Here's a little about them.
Want a breakdown of how to prep during Advent for this truly relaxing (even for mom) 12 Days of Christmas? Check out this post.
"What you do once does not actually mean you are trapped in celebrating in a particular way forever." <--AMEN! Something I see a lot on social media in this time of year is people asking about holiday traditions, because they are starting a family and "want to start some family traditions this year!" While this is admirable, I think it can be easy to jump from that into feeling locked into certain things because "that's what we did last year." Also, I tend to think that the little traditions in our homes could be organic, and grow and develop over time. I saw a post on social media the other day about how "back in the day," you did traditions that were specific to your country/culture. Now, with the internet and a plethora of books, our eyes are opened to a range of traditions-it can be easy to think that "good Catholics" do everything, but that really isn't realistic. I like what you say about picking what's good for your family and leaving the rest :)
ReplyDeleteI have found that if we align our home more to the current liturgical season, it makes it easier (for me, at least) to keep my heart in the right place. So even if we hear Christmas music at the store or look at the light display that adorns our favorite park, we can still embrace the spiritual preparation and "little Lent" of this time of year because our home life is centered around Advent. In fact, this year, I will be attending a Christmas-y party midway in the season, because I figure that it would be silly to refrain from a gathering with other faithful Catholic women simply because my preference is to not attend Christmas functions before Christmas.