Where Do We Go From Here? - To Catholic Women In the Storm

There has never been a harder time to be Catholic in modern history. Yeah, I think we're there, and it's not over. The purge has yet to come and the pain will be raw for a good time yet.

Today I want to speak to the women of the Church. I want the men to hear the women of the Church. Our struggles are not always your struggles, and in the deadening gong of revelation the chasm between our experiences has widened.

To the women who want to fix everything

I get it. There is an overall need to *do* something. But in our quest to do something, we must be very careful not to cross the line into making women the savior of men in some sort of warped idea of the feminine genius.
Predators are not mothered into normal behavior. Narcissism cannot be tempered by womanhood.
Work for your church, for the salvation of your soul, but do not allow your compassion and empathy to blind you to reality.

To the survivors of any type of abuse 

You are not alone. Those who have never had to confront evil like this are flailing right now. In that process they are repeating the very reactions and systems that allowed abuse to happen in your personal experience.
In the past 48 hours alone I have seen: gaslighting, disbelief of whistle blowers, rationalization, denial of gravity ("it wasn't x so it wasn't really abuse"), wagon circling. For those of us who have ever spoken about our abuse to anyone, this is like watching some of your worse memories reenacted by people who you were told to trust. Again.

It's despicable that people are reacting this way. It's not ok. Do not stand for it if you can.
Be aware of your own mental health in this environment. It's ok to take breaks.

To those who are mothering through public pain

Mothering these innocent ones when you are hurting and mourning is so painful and so powerful. This generation of children has the capacity to be the greatest we have ever seen. But they are watching their parents and trusted adults live through some of the darkest days in modern church history.

Now is our chance to form an honest and true relationship between our families and the church. One that is free of clericalism. Free of blind adherence. One that sees ourselves in the fullness of truth, and our shepherds as human beings.

You do not need to put up a strong front. Children need our honesty. They need to see that we will not excuse evil if it comes from someone important enough.

To women asked to answer for the crimes of men

I have gotten many questions in the past weeks. Most are along the lines of "How can you possibly still be Catholic after all this?" Some want to know if I am "taking the Roman out of your Catholic and going East?" Some want to know exactly what kind of abuse I have seen. Some want to know if I'm "really an abuse survivor".

All I can think when I get these questions in emails, messages, and in person is: if the men who committed this abuse and corruption had been treated like we treat those who speak up, especially the women who remain faithful, this evil would never have been able to find a safe haven.

I don't blame those asking questions. I do blame those who deflect and avoid the light of day on their pet projects and favorites.
I wish those prying into the stories of survivors understood what they were asking. That it's not just telling a story. For me it's asking me to re-live the unthinkable. You are asking for something you have no right to demand. For those who have asked, I know you didn't mean to do it, but now you know better.

To those who just want this to end

I know. Everyone in pain reaches a point where it just feels too painful to go on. But like a woman in the transition stage of labor, this point of no return is where we have to go if we wish to see new life spring forth.

Our souls cannot bear the cost of avoiding the question and allowing for any muck to be papered over. I mean that quite literally. For the sake of your soul do not stop the light from shining into the crevices.

What I'm doing

I still believe prayer, fasting, #sackclothandashes are necessary. They are not all. God gave us hands, voices, and minds for a purpose - how dare we avoid using them?

Reaching out to each other as a church is needed. Evil will use this opportunity to divide and further wound our humanity, and I refuse to let that happen.

I will not tolerate anyone attempting to excuse anyone from investigation.

I will continue to pray that those accused and those who covered up accusations step down voluntarily and out of humility. For how else can the sheep survive if our shepherds tolerate the presence of wolves in the flock? I don't just want them to sin no more, I want them to save their souls. That's what it means to love.

I will continue to fight for my church in the world. I will continue to raise my children Catholic. I will fight for Jesus, and I will not sacrifice truth for comfort.

I will love. However painful it is, I will continue to love. That is how I have survived, and it's the only way the Church can survive.