How Postpartum is Different the Third Time Around

My oldest turned six years old yesterday. His birth is what brought me into this parenting gig and it turned my world, and assumptions, upside down. This year we had our third baby, and I went through my third postpartum. It was DRASTICALLY different from the first time around.

1

Rest is a Requirement

I know what I need to heal now. 

With our first my husband was back to work shortly after we got home from the hospital. Now we know two weeks off is the minimum we all need to heal and get to know this little newborn. Especially if they keep pulling this 12+ labor, being born in the wee hours, after weeks of prodromal labor thing.

2

I have helpful kids

Having newborn with older kids in the house is ground breaking.

My oldest just turned 6, so he can’t babysit or anything, but he can grab my water bottle I forgot to grab off the counter. They can get diapers out of the dryer and put them away or entertain the baby is I have a minute to eat something. Small helps in the postpartum period are so meaningful  to me.

3

I know what I need to feel normal

There are particular things for each of us that make us feel normal. Those small make or break things that make a huge difference for mental and physical health.

For me it’s: getting outside, wearing real clothes, showering, getting at least 4 hour blocks of sleep, and having real conversations.

Once I acknowledged these were things I needed, I could take the steps to make them happen.

4

I’m not the only mom I know now

One of the reasons my postpartum with my first baby was so tough was because we were the first among our friends to start this parenthood adventure. There wasn’t anyone around to calibrate my expectations or to let me know what was normal.

It makes a big difference to now have other mothers I can commiserate with who are encountering and grounded.

5

I’m not afraid to say “not for me”

When it comes to parenting there is a huge range of “perfectly fine and normal”, but there is a lot of, frankly, propaganda out there meant to convince moms that there is one ideal way for x. The only way worth your while to feed your baby, hold your baby, rest, NFP method, rate of healing, etc.

With my first I bought the propaganda, and it just about crushed me. 

This doesn’t mean that whatever is being touted as “the way” doesn’t work for some people! But I not doing something wrong by deviating from that vision.

6

My marriage remains primarily important 

If there is one thing I wish I could impress on past me is that a healthy marriage can make a big difference in having a healthy postpartum. My husband is my biggest advocate. He’s the one who is with me the most, the one who will first notice when something isn’t going well.

We’ve learned how we can get our couple time with a newborn. In the early weeks, baby typically wants to continue to be part of mom so my husband and I hang out together on the couch while baby gets first sleep in my arms. When baby gets ok with transferring, we get an early evening just the two of us before baby wakes up for the late night feed.

We DO have time for each other postpartum, but we did have to decide to claim and own that time.

7

Postpartum NFP is hard

For a while there I thought I must have just selected the wrong method. But after talking with a lot of instructors and medical professionals I've decided postpartum NFP is rough for me. NFP is heavily weighted to those who are breastfeeding - which just isn't in the physical cards for me. While there are lots of methods, all of which have their own postpartum protocols, there is no one perfect postpartum method that will make everything easier automatically.

I thought surely this would be another area that got easier after the first time around, but it's not. Postpartum is a long, frustrating, and often lonely portion of NFP. I can't make it easier to practice, but I can do something about the lonely!
I think it is so important to share stories and speak to a wide variety of experiences, so this year for NFP Awareness Week I would like to focus on the postpartum NFP experience!

If you've been following this blog for a while, you might have noticed that I share real NFP users stories for NFP Awareness Week. I loved the discussion and encouragement that came out last year from sharing the stories of single women who use NFP, and it would be such a gift to see that for postpartum.

If you want to be a part of this project, or have some questions for me, shoot me an email (underthyroof at gmail dot com) or connect on social media (Facebook and Instagram because that's all the social media-ing I've got in me!)


Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

What are your thoughts on postpartum? Do these things resonate with you? For those who have been through it before, what have you learned the subsequent time(s) around?