Self-Care Is Found By Jumping Off Cliffs

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Welcome back to JEI (Just Enough Info) with The Zelie Group!
This week we're talking about self-care.

I'm a big proponent of the concept of self-care, but I've noticed that I tend to do self-care by jumping off proverbial cliffs. 
When I need to *really* re-charge, I have to learn how to trust other people (ahem, husband) to keep the home ship aright. Because this recharge is not going to happen with tiny humans afoot.

So here's a glimpse at my liquid fuel, how I push my limits to relax, and why it's super important to make this not a once-in-a-blue-moon thing.

What is your mom beverage of choice?

Well I suppose this one falls into different categories: Daytime and Relaxing time.

My daytime thing is coffee. Like lots of coffee. I really love coffee!

I don't like black coffee. I prefer Whole Milk to about this level of pale.
But I'm kind of ok with just decaf when needed. I've learned that I really do just love the taste of coffee (warm coffee though). It's not about the buzz for me.
But also not complaining about said buzz. When it's 10:00pm and I'm still at the studio, I'm super happy when I've had a cup before class.

Now my alcohol drinking style has been summed up as "old man". I like straight up drinks that, are balanced, but don't hide the fact they are alcoholic.

If it's beer - I'm going for stouts, porters, and anything with the word black in the title.
Mixed drinks are leaning towards the Bourbon, Whiskey, and Scotch varieties.

An Old-Fashioned is my go to at a happy hour.

I'm basically anti-tiki bar. I don't do Vodka. Gin is the closest overlap to most women's drinking style.
It's ok. I've found it to be bonding material with the priests and seminarians.

What do you do to relax?

I had to think long and hard about this one because I'm really bad at relaxing.

Like really REALLY bad.

Like whenever I get some free time I find myself texting/emailing/gchatting someone something along the lines of "crazy idea, but...." then we proceed to pull off something ridiculous yet awesome.
It's how I roll.

I think Ballet, and dancing in general, is how I really relax.

Yet ballet is not intrinsically relaxing. I mean, have you SEEN people dance ballet? Bodies ain't supposed to do that.

I think all dancers are just a little crazy. We're all convinced that we just need to try it one more time, work just a little harder, try just a little more, and we'll finally be able to push beyond where we've ever gone before.
The crazier thing is - it works. It actually happens.

When I'm dancing I have both definable physical goals (get my turn out stronger, legs better supported, push over my foot faster) but I also have less definable artistic goals.

Ballet is more of a mind game than most people know. Yes, you need the brute muscle strength to be able to developpe a la seconde, but it's what you're *thinking* about that lets you dance it.

Getting to Ballet class is a priority for me in my week. When my husband is traveling for work, I make a point to get a sitter so I can make it to my evening classes. It makes such a difference!

At the ballet, I'm not a mom. I'm not "too young". No one cares about what academic position I have on any controversial thing. We don't talk politics - in fact we hardly talk. We just dance.

At ballet, I may know really intimate details about another student's physical struggles, weaknesses, and strengths. I will trust them not to drop me, kick me, or hurt me - literally trust them with my life sometimes, yet I may not even know their names. It all doesn't matter when we're dancing.

There is something really freeing in being able to start anew every time you go out on stage or into the studio. It's such a beautiful exercise in trusting a stranger, and letting them see something deep about you.
I hurt every day after class, but I keep coming back for that beautiful moment when it all clicks and it works. It's worth all the soreness and blisters.

When was the last time you got away with girlfriends or alone (and the grocery store does NOT count)?

We went on our second honeymoon this summer, plus two weddings that I attended in Texas sans husband and kids.

I'm very lucky to have a husband who has totally "got this" at home. I have no question he can handle dinner, bath time, and bedtime. It was hard won - he had no younger siblings or babysitting experience and so truly had to learn from scratch, and I had to learn to let him learn. He still does not parent or do household things exactly as I would do them, but letting that happen is how I've worked at giving him the space to parent. Because I've let him do that, I have the ability to regularly have evening events!

I do think it is extremely important for moms to remember that they are not "just" moms - you are also women. Women who need friends, adult companionship, and intelligent conversations. And I'm talking about conversations that are not just about kids, as absorbing as they are.

Between ballet classes, choir practice, Endow meetings, and "friend dates", I feel like I can work on developing my skills as an artist, but also have interaction that is just for fun. Life cannot be allowed to be too serious or boxed in constantly.

I will be having a mommy traveling alone time this weekend! It's the Setting the World on Fire Conference in Los Angeles this weekend, and I'm so excited! Finally getting to meet a lot of internet friends in person, and see some old friends again.
Also my first time in LA outside of the airport. This should be fun. :)

Your turn!
Link up if you have a blog, respond in the comments if you're a reader.
Make sure you read the rules of the link up, and follow each of your hosts in some way!

Alicia – Sweeping Up Joy | Pinterest | Facebook
Kirby (me!)  – Under Thy Roof | Instagram | Facebook
Kerry - Fishbowl Fortune | Instagram | Facebook

Next week we're talking about the Angel feasts that are just around the corner!

Naming your Guardian Angel:  yea or nay?
Have you had any angel experiences?
How have you shared about angels with your kids?


  1. Kirby, I am about to board the airplane and be away from my 2 year old daughter for the first time. She is in good hands with dad and grandma, but it is so hard.

    I like you struggle to relax. I would rather hang out with someone, write a blog post, read, cook, bake, or anything other than rest my heart and mind. This weekend, with your encouragement and god's grace, I will be trying to truly rest, recharge, and refocus.

    Amy @ The Salt Stories

    1. Good for you! Are you doing a retreat?

      I think part of my relaxing issues comes from being a bit of an extrovert (after thinking I was an introvert for many years.) I should really just write up that story.

  2. I have so many comments!! First - yay for coffee. I know exactly what you mean by that "level of pale"! :) I just recently taught my palate to enjoy scotch. My hubs loves bourbon. I'll get there one day. Lastly - I noticed that the conference you're going to is in Alta Dena?? I'm from Rancho Cucamonga! Have a great weekend there!!

    xo, k

    1. apparently it won't let me log in with and I don't have a blogger account! lol. I'm over are or - sorry for the comment confusion!

  3. I love hearing your thoughts about dancing and relaxation. This totally gives me the itch to swing dance with my husband sometime. It's awful to admit it, but we haven't done swing dancing in at least a year or two. And coffee!!!! I love coffee!

    Also, I think it's really neat how you let your husband parent and take care of the kids so you can get out and do stuff. Since Peter is now almost 4 months old, he's gotten to the point where it's not 100% necessary that I'm with him every second in case he gets hungry, and my husband has started getting more comfortable with caring for him without me present, which I appreciate. In fact, the other week, I was exhausted and Peter wouldn't sleep, so Jacob took Peter so I could nap and it made me so, so happy :)

  4. I had a feeling ballet would be on your short list of relaxing things. :)

    I <3 this quote, "I do think it is extremely important for moms to remember that they are not "just" moms - you are also women. Women who need friends, adult companionship, and intelligent conversations."

    It's very easy to confuse "dying to oneself" and service with "losing oneself" in motherhood. I think there's a post in there somewhere... :)

  5. Spot on with the coffee thing!! And on the super rare occasion that I do drink, I drink in line with what you described (mostly because it's what my hubby has)

  6. Wow! Have you done ballet most of your life? That's great you're still doing it now. My husband works too far away and gets home too late for me to do weekly evening activities, but I get out once imor twice a month.


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