It's the end of the year and it's time for a recap! 

My Top 10 posts of 2018 are....eclectic. Welcome to how we run things here at Under Thy Roof. :)

10

My Ember Day plans for Fall 2018 came in at #10 for the year! I do it a little differently every time, and that's good - I would like to have different things to work on to shine up my home and soul.

My categories are: physical, spiritual, fasting, and connection.

9

I thought I had said all I had to say about breastfeeding, but I needed to speak a little truth to power for a hot second during World Breastfeeding Week. It's not as cut and dry was the promotional posters make out.

8

https://underthyroof.blogspot.com/2018/08/hosting-your-own-retreat.html

"Something that has bothered me about retreats aimed for women is they are often 1. very expensive, 2. cater to a different demographic from me, or 3. don't have a way to easily remain in contact with women you have just gotten to know more personally.

Instead of waiting for someone to come along and drop the ideal retreat from the sky - you can make what you need! Here are some key things to hosting your own retreat."

7

One of those posts I wrote in the springtime before The Summer of Crisis. I read over it again before posting it here, just to make sure I would still stand by everything I said there knowing what was to come. Yup, still mean it. Phew.

6

Fun fact about my writing style - I come up with most posts while listening to lectures, podcasts, or conferences. What I write may or may not be related to the subject of the talk.

So if you are ever at a conference with me, and see me scribbling like mad in a notebook, this is why.

This post was written at the Well Read Mom conference last year and poured out wholesale between two talks. It's something that I have been wanting to say for years, and suddenly the words poured out.

5

This was the first post in a series of guest posts + giveaways on the 5 Love Languages. Thanks to Hilary from Messy Buns and Latin Chant for writing this post that resonated with so many!

4

Ah, the post that garnered me my first hate mail. It's a milestone.

Like a lot of Catholic bloggers and writers, I wrestled for a while with what to say, if to talk about, the church crisis. Then one day I woke up and this post poured out. Two more posts would do the same by the end of the week.

It cost me a lot a lot of readers, followers, some friendships and working relationships.

Was it a needed truth? Yes. And I would do it again. It would probably be more scary to write now that I know what it would cost me, but it was the right thing to do.

3

"If you've hung around this blog for a while, you know what I do for NFP Awareness Week - share stories! I believe the best way to talk about a way of life is to show that life via storytelling (and that Anthropology degree might only have influenced that a lot).

There's been small years, busy years, and themed years.

This year is a theme year.

Supposed to be a theme year.

This has been a hard year.

This year is all about NFP in the postpartum time - but it's both on the blog and my real life. I've never had more "skin in the game" than I do this year. Merely trying to put together postpartum NFP stories has been an eye opening experience."

2

I was supposed to record a podcast as a guest to talk about the topic of body image. I had done my research, talked to people about what they long to hear on the topic, and outlined my thoughts. 

Then the podcast fell through.

So I wrote all of it up into a post! Can't keep an overdoer down.

1

In just a few days this post became my most popular post of all time. The incident that inspired it happened years ago, but it's something that has been percolating in my mind ever since.

I wrote a follow up post confessing the beautiful things I have personally said no to practicing. 

It helps to realize you are not the only one, and that saying "I choose this" doesn't not mean "all other things are bad choices."

Embrace the freedom of "That's beautiful, but it's not for me"!

***********************

Linking up with Bobbi from Revolution of Love blog for the Top 10 Posts of 2018!

Day in a Life - December 2018

Time for another Day in a Life! I always do this on a Monday, but I can't honestly say this is a typical Monday. At least by the afternoon. You'll see.

Important things to know: we live in Minnesota, the kids are now 6 (John), 4 (Therese), and 14 months (Felicity). we're homeschooling the 1st grader and preschooler, I am home with them during the day and pursue theater by night. Pursue in the "audition", not necessarily "doing", sense. 

Here we go!

6:30 - Wake up, take temp

7:00 - The baby is still asleep, so I have coffee and read the paper while the big kids have breakfast

7:15 - Matt leaves for work. Biking to work made more pleasant by our freakishly warm December (for Minnesota).

7:30 - I assume the baby must be awake by now, just really quiet, but she's STILL ASLEEP. Big kids are not quiet coming upstairs to get dressed, so I grab the groggy baby and bring her downstairs to eat.

8:00 - Bring Felicity back upstairs for changing. The big kids are playing in the day nursery now, so I set the baby free after she's dressed to go join them. I get myself dressed and start morning prayer time.

8:15 - Baby comes to find me. I bring her downstairs to do morning chores with me.

8:30 - Load of laundry started and air drying dishes from last night put away. I let the baby play in the library so I can put away the diapers that I washed yesterday. Tell the big kids I'm setting a timer for five minutes and they have to beat the clock to clean up.

8:40 - I've unwrapped John's new twin size IKEA mattress (finally graduating from his toddler mattress!) and put away diapers. The kids have generally controlled the toy crazy and fixed their blankets, so I'll call it good.

8:45 - Give Felicity her milk, then change her and put her down for morning nap. She doesn't always sleep in the morning, but her hypermobility means she tires out a lot faster than most kids - so a morning rest is typically still needed.

9:00 - Put on Magic School Bus for the big kids so I can do my weekly planning. I'm wrapping up a big audition weekend with a final audition tonight, so I didn't get around to any planning over the weekend.

The best part of a roll top desk is I don't have to see my papers when I'm not working on something!

9:30 - Switch laundry to dryer.

9:35 - Remembered this is an Ember Week (thanks planning time!) Post to Facebook about it just in case anyone else forgot about it in the pre-Christmas busy.

9:40 - Also see I have an Everyday Ediths post due later this week on the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. Decide to get started on that by looking up what those are...

9:45 - School boxes are down and we hit the books! I printed out syllabi to the end of the semester last week and told the kids they can work as fast as they want to the finish, as long as they do it well. John is one lesson away from being done with math. Therese really finished her semester a while ago, but I haven't told her that. She LOVES school.

9:50 - Kids are going well on school. Time to get the baby up and changed before her physical therapist arrives.

10:00 - Felicity's PT is here! She is doing once a week in-home therapy visits through a school district program. Minnesota is amazing.

10:20 - Attempt at keeping kids going on school while the therapist is here is not going well. Send kids upstairs to play.

10:30 - Big kids still rowdy. They get bundled up and sent outside to play.

11:00 - Therapy over! Kids come back in and I get lunch going. Mac and Cheese Shells + steamed carrots for the kids and salad for me. I have a moment, so I pre-fill the pasta pot with water and put the lid on it for dinner prep.

11:20 - Lunch is served.

11:35 - Everyone is mostly done eating. Read aloud time!

Current read aloud. Not as beloved as All-of-a-Kind Family for us.

11:45 - Felicity is not content to play on the floor or sit on the couch with us anymore. I go put her down for nap a little early. She's normally more tired on therapy days.

Reading couch selfie!

11:50 - Back downstairs. Reading time resumes.

Therese insisted I include this one.

12:04 - Finished our chapter. Time for Therese to go for nap and for John to finish his math speed drills.

12:10 - Therese is in bed (No tears or drama! Miracle!) I get John going again while I start the kitchen clean up. I had set some herbal tea to seep during lunch, so I strain that and sip on it while I work.

12:22 - Dishwasher unloaded. John almost done.

12:30 - Dishwasher re-loaded and John is on his last drill. I love having the school table in the kitchen!

12:35 - Getting ready for Phonics time. Put the kettle on for tea.

1:00 - Successful completion of a Phonics lesson earns him an episode of Star Wars Clone Wars. Our deal is one lesson for one episode. I heard Therese moving around upstairs during the lesson so I listen for her while I bring up the clean laundry and start folding.

Star Wars is serious business here.

1:07 - As suspected, Therese was up and roving. Remind her of our plans to go to the Y after nap. Laundry is folded so I head back downstairs after re-tucking her into bed.

1:10 - Tea time! I'm reading A Secular Age right now. Very slowly. It's a tome.

1:16 - My finger joints have just about had it with me so I put a heat pack on those while I read. #selfcare

1:57 - John is putting his math skills to use counting down the exact minutes until 2:00. 2pm is when snack is a possibility and quiet time is no longer enforced in our house. Hopefully the girls will be up in not too long so we can make moves toward the Y.

2:00 - John joyfully gets a snack (pretzels). Duolingo time for me! I'm on the French course. My speaking is still weak, but my reading is greatly improved.

2:08 - Therese is up! She join in the pretzel snack.

2:20 - Felicity is up! Heard her babbling. She wakes up full of thoughts. I get her changed and start packing for the Y.

2:25 - Send John out to get the mail.

2:30 - Out the door!

2:35 - Kids are all buckled in the car and... I can't find my phone. I consider going without it, but decide that might be tempting fate.

2:45 - After searching the house twice, and the car once, I finally find my phone hidden on the side of my desk. NOW we're off.

2:47 - Realize I should probably get gas now so I'm ready to head straight to my audition after dinner. There's a station on the way so this should be a quick stop.

2:50 - For some reason all the other cars have pulled into the first pumps, and effectively blocked all the others. I have to go around and do a parallel parking maneuver into the one slot I can find.

2:52 - The pump is defective. It keeps switching off every 1/2 - 1 gallon. Even though I know the tank is almost empty. I close out and restart only to remember that the discount I had was used up in the faulty transaction.

2:55 - I call it quits and decide to fight this fight another day. I have antsy kids in the car and I really want to get a workout and some stretching in today.

3:10 - At the Y. My kids have the Kids Spot all to themselves. They're making construction paper mosaic gingerbread men today. Therese is thrilled.

3:15 - Finally getting to my workout!

When I got on here and pushed "go" it set my time goal to an hour. I laughed and reminded the machine of who was using it.

3:50 - Not as long of a workout as I would have liked, but I need to get home and start dinner.

3:55 - I go to pick up the kids and they don't want to leave. I swear they love me.

4:15 - Home! I turn on the burner for the ready to go pasta pot. Pat myself on the back for remembering that afternoon Kirby is much less put together than morning Kirby. Dinner plan is open ended pasta something, so we'll see what I create!

4:30 - Water is close to boiling. I settle on making a beefed up pasta sauce with rigatoni noodles. I use up leftover taco meat and frozen broccoli, plus a diced onion, garlic, and a few spices to jazz up my jarred pasta sauce.

4:45 - Matt's home! The baby insists he drop everything to hold her. Daddy's girl is a real thing.

Then I stopped taking notes because things started to go sideways. Here's the gist.

Felicity wants to eat the pasta, but only if Daddy feeds her. 

John loves the pasta, but Therese has sudden, overwhelming, existential angst about: using a fork, eating a bite, knowing which bite to eat, sitting, and how anyone looks at her. D R A M A ensues.

After much cajoling, yelling, time outs, hugs, and re-starts Therese finally eats dinner about an hour after we started.

But I feel nauseous. Really nauseous. That taco meat better not have been bad. I do the math and conclude there is no reason to think it would be rancid. It smelled fine and was only a few days old. Images of being up at 2am with vomiting kids fill my head anyway.

Matt has put on Lord of the Rings for the big kids while he finishes cleaning up. He is hosting a book group at our house tonight, so it needs to happen. At least we succeeded in keeping most messes contained this afternoon (yet another reason I love going to the Y.)

I've started sipping ginger ale, but have to conclude that tonight's audition is looking ill advised.

Matt tells me to go rest and that he's got it. I know he really does got it, but I still feel totally crappy about this whole evening. I put myself in bed with a Harry Potter book and try to distract myself from the nausea. 

Matt gets the baby bathed and put down, gets the bigs to bed, and tells me to feel better on his way back downstairs to play host. He's kind of amazing.

I finally start feeling better about 8:30, but the auditions end at 9:00 and it's unlikely I could make it there in time. I console myself by remembering that Anne Frank isn't really a show where I'm likely to get cast in a strong role anyway. It's fine. I'm fine. 

I scroll through Netflix trying to find a feel better distraction show, but come up short.

An unknown Minneapolis number calls me. I let it go to voicemail assuming it's some medical appointment reminder call. Whoever it was left a voicemail, so I check it real fast. 

It's from the director who I auditioned for on Saturday.
She wants to talk about my audition.
There is zero reason for a director to personally call an actor unless there is casting news. I try and call her back immediately, but get sent straight to voicemail.

I remind myself she has a whole cast to call, if that's what she's doing, so I should give it a few minutes.

I give it exactly three minutes and I call her again.

She wants to offer me a role.
Not a callback. A role. Even the role I wanted!
I accept the offer and try to sound cool, happy, and calm all at the same time. I probably failed, but whatever, first impression time is over anyway.

I roll out of bed and walk into the living room filled with the new book group people. I think for five seconds I might be able to tell Matt quietly about the news without interrupting the meeting, but it's clearly at the tail end of things and everyone is doing the polite Minnesota thing of trying to include the new person who just walked in.
So I announce it to everybody! Varying levels of excitement, confusion, and congratulations float up from the mostly male crowd. About what I expected. I go hang out in the library with the one female attendee plus baby.

After the book group leaves, Matt and I powwow what this casting means for family logistics. Mostly ok. Figuring out how to get John to Catechism classes on Wednesday nights is the biggest hurtle, but we'll figure something out.

For now I'm just so grateful to have a bone. Getting callbacks is a nice reassurance that I'm not just completely un-talented, but, over a year into being serious about auditioning in the Twin Cities, it's soooooo much better to have an honest to goodness show to put on the resume.

Got to bed sometime around 11pm. 

I tried to pick a normal day, y'all. God laughed at me.

Previous Day in a Life posts:

January 2018

December 2016

April 2016

Quieting in a Busy Season

I'm typically busy. When you ask me how my week was "busy" is a likely adjective I will throw you. But I don't mean that in a negative way.

When I say I've been busy, I don't automatically mean: stressed, overworked, over-scheduled, tired, stretched thin, or at the end of my rope.

I just mean busy.

Busy handling the things God has given me to work on. Busy living my vocation. Busy carrying the crosses I've been given. Busy saying yes to my life.

I don't want to be un-busy. However, I don't want to be without quiet. Contrary, perhaps, to popular opinion, I'm a strong believer that busy seasons are hospitable to quiet. Here are some ways I find quiet in my busy seasons.

Morning Time

I am not one of those "wake up an hour before your family for quiet time"people. My brand of busy typically causes late nights, so I need to find a space for morning time in a different way.
Where I've found the most consistent time in the morning, for a little space for prayer and quiet, has been in my room after breakfast and getting the kids dressed for the day. The kids are normally happy at this point, so they can play in their rooms or in the day nursery on their own for 15 minutes.

Some mornings the plan works perfectly and I get a whole 25 minutes of undisturbed prayer time.
Other mornings I get 5 minutes and have to pick up where I left off after I put down the baby for her morning nap.
Sometimes it's a rosary prayed in the car while getting to an appointment.
But even if it's a go-with-the-flow kind of day, finding a morning time for prayer has been a game changer for me.

Evening Pause

I don't know about you, but I am TIRED when it's finally time for bed. But I've been making myself pause to say Evening Prayer the past few weeks. It's shorter than the morning prayer, typically only takes me 5 minutes to say, and allows me a chance to tap back into the universal prayer of the Church.

Ending the 24 hour news cycle

I have started reading my local, hard copy, newspaper over my breakfast. Every morning. That is the vast extent of my news consumption for the entire day.
I don't scroll endlessly on news apps anymore. Or get sucked into reading comment sections.
Don't. Read. The. Comments. refrain does not work on me when I know they're right there!

I'm still up to date. I am still connected and knowledgeable about the goings on in the world, but I have my peace back.

Tea Time

I have been having tea with my oldest son after his sisters go down for nap, or with all the kids if we have an early lunch. Sometimes we read. Sometimes we chat. Sometimes we plan.
It's stinkin' lovely.
It might only be so for like 3 minutes before someone is crying in frustration, but a little bit of lovely can buy a whole lot of mom patience credits.

Reading

I believe that reading and feeding the intellect is an essential part of self-care. Finding the time to read can be tricky. I've made a system that maximizes the opportunity for reading, even in my busy seasons (because, of course I would.)

 I thought about the main areas I would potentially sit down, or be stuck for any amount of time, and then I put a book there.
So I have: an upstairs book, a downstairs book, a purse book, and an audiobook.

Upstairs book is for before bed, or if I'm up there keeping an eye on the baby while the kids play.
Downstairs book is for naptimes and any at home evenings. Sometimes for reading over a baby's head while I feed or rock her.
Purse book is for when I'm stuck in a doctor's office, or when I'm being my chronically early self and show up 20 minutes before a meeting begins.
Audiobook is for when I'm driving alone or sometimes for working out.

There's wiggle room. My Well Read Mom book selection gets priority location when we have a meeting approaching, but this system has allowed me to feed my mind and soul, internal quiet, even in the busiest of times.

Fix What You Can Fix

There are things in all of our lives that suck away our quiet in little ways. One of mine was stressing out rummaging through a spice cabinet on the opposite side of the kitchen from the stove. It's a silly little thing, but when you cook everyday those little inconveniences add up.

I finally cleaned out a junk drawer (which brings the total number of kitchen junk drawers down to three. It's a process.) and made...a spice drawer! In my kitchen island! Right where I actually cook!

It's a small improvement but it has greatly improved my stress level in the kitchen.

I don't have to address every little daily stressor immediately. But I should take control of what is in my control, and change what I can change.

Write it Down

I'm finally figuring out a groove for me when it comes to calendars and planners. I'm not a planner junkie, but it honestly takes Google calendar, a paper monthly/weekly planner, a bullet journal, and four binders to keep me together.

It sounds overwhelming, but it has taken away the repeating mantra of to-dos that swirled in my head constantly before (and I STILL forgot some things!)

The greatest virtue of writing down my plans and days is now I know what I did. I have a record of changes and hopes and dreams.
I can see where my aspirations of the day did not match up with the reality of my day. I notice tasks that have been carried over for weeks that I should either outsource or just drop altogether.

Finally, I can see the fruit of my labors. Much of my days at home are doing the same tasks AGAIN. Every day, over and over.
Outside the home, it can be a long line of rejections, nos, dead ends, and dropped connections.
But writing down my days and plans lets me see that I am doing something. I am accomplishing something. Even if I accomplishing it again, I have accomplished consistency!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

How are you finding quiet in a busy season? Do you do any of these ideas already?

Rise of the Catholic Guru

I grew up in the Bible Belt. In the heart of Texas where our megachurches are numerous and anti-Catholicism barely shaded. The ridiculous claims of prosperity gospel Christianity were clear even to eleven year old me. I took comfort in the assurance that this sideshow Christianity was not Catholicism.
I was so sure that Catholics were inoculated from falling for such antics due to our magisterial teaching, handy millennia of writings, our leadership, and history of great thinkers.

Well the revelations of the summer seem to have changed the waters for my perspective. Lately I have noticed a rise of the Catholic guru.

What I mean by "guru" is someone who has a platform and uses that platform to broadcast their particular perspective without nuance. What makes a guru, in my mind, versus a public Catholic is a guru has a worrying grip on their audience. A guru is capable of making wild claims and has so conditioned their audience that those claims will be upheld, even by otherwise reasonable people.

I have had faithful Catholic women tell me that "NFP is overused" based on the claims of a priest YouTuber. Never mind that there is absolutely no way to back up such a claim. Unless they know of some Registry of Adequate Discernment that I have never heard about.

Other ridiculous claims have been: mental illness is caused by a lack of prayer, working mothers are incurring mortal sin, priests decorating gingerbread houses are not being men, and Joseph was the real person in charge of Mary's uterus.
And these are the examples I have heard passively in the past WEEK. I did not even go hunting for these, y'all.

But why now? While it's not fair to entirely blame the rise of the Catholic guru on the Church crisis, it's certainly not without impact.

The ongoing crisis has led to a crisis of trust. Not necessarily faith, but trust in being told the fullness of truth as the extent of the cover-up continues to roll. Many Catholics have been swimming in search of someone willing to tell them how to think about this. Sometimes that process has been healthy - such as being led to really grapple with and learn the teachings of the Church, perhaps for the first time as an adult. But others have fallen into the clutches of a Catholic guru.

Catholic gurus might be ordained people or laity.

Converts or cradle Catholics.

Bloggers, YouTubers, Podcasters, Authors, etc.

Which means...there is no one profile of a Catholic guru. Not all priests with a YouTube channel could be called a Catholic guru. Just as not all Catholic moms with a blog are automatically not a guru.

Now what to do if you realize you have been duped by one of these figures? Pushing back when they cross a line is a good first choice. Message them, email them, let them know why what they said is not ok.

I have chosen not to link to many of the specific instances I have mentioned here in order to not reward the publicity greed that probably contributed to the outlandish claims. Lessening their reach as long as these figures continue this behavior is a loving choice.

Tell other people what attracted you about this person, but also address why they should not be taken wholesale. If you have been recommending this person for a while, it's honest to set the record straight if you can. Very smart people can be taken in by guru strategies.

God is good and gave us such wonderful gifts intellect, critical thinking, and a propensity to seek truth. He wants more for us than being the sheep of a Catholic guru. He wants us to follow Christ. Christ is the literal Word of God. He is love incarnate. He is truth.
These Catholic gurus might temporarily make you feel better, there's a reason they attracted you in the first place! But our hearts should be turned toward truth, and not the perversion of truth espoused by gurus.

Have you seen the impact of a Catholic guru? What did you do? 

Have you been taken in by one of these figures? How did you change your thinking?

What's Your Liturgical Living Style?

I've been documenting a bit of how I do Advent and Christmas over the past few weeks. But it's occurred to me that there are particular styles to living liturgically. Figuring out what style resonates with you is phenomenally helpful for liturgical living success! Here's a few of the basic styles:

The Food liturgical living person

This person likely either cooks at home most of the time, or generally likes to cook. Meal planning may or may not be their strong point, but they can totally handle throwing a dessert together with a week to a couple days notice! Likely enjoys browsing Pinterest for new recipes to try out. It helps to be an adventurous eater!

The Crafty liturgical living person

This person finds happiness in creating with their hands. May have a stash of various craft supplies, or just rescued recycling scraps waiting to be made into something marvelous. Experience with crafting techniques will vary, but enthusiasm for the attempt is a given. Likely enjoys adult coloring books.

The Bookish liturgical living person

This person has a book for every possible situation. This style will range from the Children's Literature enthusiast, to the Tolkein nerd, to Poetry lovers. Saints days, for the bookish style,  are best celebrated by being curled up with a cozy blanket and enjoying the words or stories that belong to that feast.

The Party Throwing liturgical living person

This person sees changes in the liturgical year, or any given feast day, as an excellent excuse to throw a party! Large or small, cocktail party or play date. Doesn't matter, they will be there! And will likely host. This person is probably an extrovert, but there will be the odd introvert among these party throwing liturgical livers.

Bonus Categories!
There are some life situations that will impact how your liturgical living style manifests in practice.

The Parenting liturgical living person

This is the person with the most available resources for their liturgical living (let's be real.) While this person has the needs and preferences of a tiny army to factor in, kids make the joy and wonder aspect of liturgical living easy and accessible.

The Single liturgical living person

This person has to wade through the flood of liturgical living resources that assume you are trying to celebrate with, and for, small children. However, the feasts and fasts are meant for everyone in the Church! It helps to join forces with a group of friends to do at least some celebrations in community. Own your tradition and allow for others to join in! You might find that celebrating with another family, a local religious order, or your roommates make for some wonderful experiences.

The Convert liturgical living person

This person may be brand new to Catholicism, Christianity, or religion in general. They may be suffering from convert fever ("Do. All. The. Things!") or from convert overwhelm ("Please don't let there be one more thing to add on my plate, sweet Jesus!") The beautiful thing about the liturgical year? It always comes back around! This isn't set in stone. You will live if you miss a feast day.
Little secret from a cradle Catholic? *whispers* No celebrates all of the feasts! Really.
Pick a thing, see styles above to get an idea of what is a good thing to start with for you, and just try it out!

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes!

Which of these styles is you? Are there any I forgot? What are some other categories that impact how someone celebrates the liturgical year?

The Mom's Side of Tips and Tricks for a Relaxed Christmastide

Last week I shared my December liturgical year calendar that I am using with my kids this year. But how to make those celebrations and traditions happen without feeling frazzled, stressed, and resentful? Here's what works for me!

Start with your easy thing

Everyone has their go to first thing when starting a new tradition. It typically falls along the lines of food, craft, activity, book.
I am a food person. I will almost always start a new celebration with food. Crafts will typically fall last in that list of things to add to celebrations for me. My ranking would probably go: food, activity, book, song, craft. I have learned this about myself and I take it into account when considering how to celebrate a particular feast, liturgical season, or other holiday. It puts my chances of success in a good place if I start with something I will probably enjoy!

Write it down

I'm a big believer in lists and charts, but even if you are a free form essay or graphic doodler kind of person, you should write down your ideas! Write down your plans, write down what worked and what didn't, write down what you want to change.
Nothing happens without a plan - you just need to figure out your best method of planning.

I start with free form lists. Lists of holidays, things to cook, movies to watch, books to read, activities to choose from - whatever I might want to consider for inclusion in our celebrations.

Then I map it out on a calendar. I see when each holiday falls, I write in when I would want to make different things, and I make sure I've left myself enough time to only have 1-2 extra things a day (max) to do. I prefer to have scheduled day to-dos instead of a giant list of holiday to-dos.

I make a log so I can jot down what we do each of the days, and review the results in free form after the holiday season. Then I close the book and move on. Don't dwell too hard on anything that didn't go as you envisioned!

Baking week

I started doing this last year, and I loved it! It let me get all of the massive baking done for a church fundraiser AND stock the freezer with cookie dough for Christmastide. Win!
The big secret is I take an entire week to do my baking. It's a process. That's what makes it work well.

Monday - I mix the dry ingredients for each cookie type and put it in a labeled gallon baggie.

Tuesday - Begin mixing the wet ingredients into 2-3 of the types. Split in half. Wrap each half in plastic wrap, stack, and place back in the baggie that it was in for dry ingredients, place in the fridge.

Wednesday - Mix the remaining cookie types into dough. Bake half of the dough from the types that chilled overnight in the fridge. The unbaked half of the dough gets left in it's labeled gallon baggie and put in the freezer for Christmastide.

Thursday - Bake the cookie types mixed on Wednesday. Save those halves of the dough in the freezer.

Friday - Deliver cookies. Enjoy that my dough mixing is done before December!

I can make a massive amount of cookies with this method with minimal stress.
I highly recommend figuring out how much of each ingredient you will need and stocking up in November. The sales are great right now for baking!

Work earlier than you think is necessary

That baking week? It's done the last week of November. That seems crazy early, but I have learned it is almost always better to work earlier rather than later if your goal is a relaxed Advent.

Outsource 

That baking that I do the night before the holiday? The St. Lucia buns and St. Nicholas day cinnamon rolls? Those are homemade, but I don't do most of the work. I use the bread machine to do most of it. Most of our favorite foods during this holiday season are things I can dump in a crockpot. If I didn't enjoy doing the cooking and baking I would probably just buy the roll from the store.

My husband does all of the grocery shopping, and most of the meal planning.

My kids help me with a lot of the Ember Days cleaning tasks.

I buy a lot of gifts off Etsy and Amazon, and make sure to include the cost of my time when considering if I should make something, buy it, or do without it.

Use technology and the gifts of others when offered. No one wants a frazzled mom for Christmas. They just want you.

Aim for free and use what you have

You know what my official craft is on Christmas? Cutting up our wrapping paper that just came off of gifts and making a giant wrapping paper chain. It's a cheap, re-use, project and provides for fun decorations through to Epiphany.

We wrap up 12 Christmas books, that we already own, every year. One gets unwrapped on each of the 12 Days of Christmas.

Look around your home and see what could become a tradition out of things you already have. That means you can have traditions that don't require extra shopping, and may even save you time and effort!

Make the journey the experience

We do a little bit one day and wait.
A little bit another day and wait.
That waiting is part of the beauty of Advent, and I think it's the true secret to a low stress Advent and restful Christmas season.

How do you keep your Advent low stress and Christmas restful? Do you do any of these tips or is it something radically different in your home? What are you changing this year?

How We Advent

It was requested some of my local mom friends that I write up our Advent and Christmas celebrations. I got as far as pulling it together for December, anyway!

I have some emergent and early readers in my house this year, so I put together this calendar for them to follow along with the season and know when we are doing what.

Here's what it all means!

December 1 - Cookie making 

This is not actually done only on December 1st. Our parish Altar and Rosary has their Sugar Plum Days fundraiser over the first weekend of December. So while I'm baking up my contribution for Cookies by the Pound, I save some dough in the freezer for our 12 Days of Christmas.
Because this is all about front end work for Christmas rest!

December 2 - First Sunday of Advent, Greenery goes up

We decorate in stages around here, and stage one is get up the greenery! Advent wreath, mantel garlands, door wreaths, etc. We have aimed to get our tree between the 1st and 3rd Sunday of Advent. Who knows when the actual tree will arrive!

December 6 - St. Nicholas Day

I make overnight cinnamon rolls that get stuck in the oven in the morning. The kids wake up to find their stockings filled by St. Nicholas. We follow a pretty simple system for deciding what goes in those stockings and that has worked well for our family. We'll watch the CCC movie The Boy Who Became Santa too.

December 8 - Immaculate Conception

It's a solemnity, so get thee to church! I've done slightly different things for this every year, so we'll see what it ends up being this year.

December 9 - Second Sunday of Advent, Lights go up!

If we have a tree by now, it gets lights. Lights get added to windows, garlands, where ever else we are doing them. This is our first winter in Amelia Hill House, so I have no idea exactly what will need to happen with lights. Adventure year!

December 12 - Our Lady of Guadalupe

I'll be honest and say that most of our observance for Our Lady of Guadalupe mostly involves watching the CCC movie on St. Juan Diego and maybe eating Mexican food. Probably a family rosary. But I'm from Dallas and this feast is still important for me.

December 13 - St. Lucia

This feast got so much more fun for us once we moved to Minnesota! I make St. Lucia Saffron Buns (kneaded and risen in the bread machine, and adapted for overnight by putting in the fridge for the last rise). We sing Santa Lucia, and read Kirsten's Surprise - the American Girl book about a Swedish girl and her family's life as immigrants in Minnesota. This particular book includes their frontier celebration of St. Lucia and my kids adore it.

December 16 - Gaudete Sunday, tree decorations go up

Gaudete is when we finish up the decoration portion of our Advent because....

December 19, 20, 21 - Ember Days

The winter Ember Days are just around the corner! You can read more about what the Ember Days are and how we observe them here.
This is my giant clean, sort, purge, front end of all house tasks. They're days of fasting and penance too as we prepare to welcome our hearts, minds, bodies, and homes for the coming Christ child and all that he might ask of us.

December 23 - Fourth Sunday of Advent

No big celebrations here. Our work is likely done, and all that is left is likely to be Christmas pageant rehearsal and last minute choir needs.

December 25 - It's Christmas and the great Christmastide begins! 

Here's a look back at last year's 12 Days of Christmas:

Our basic rules are: no school, no extra cleaning work, be open for hospitality, enjoy Christmas, and explore. We wrap up 12 Christmas books during Advent preparations, and the kids unwrap one each day. Holiday movie times, cookie baking (and eating), and good warm slow food are all big parts of this time.

We have some special days in there too!

December 27 - St. John's Day

This is our John's name day. I confused the traditions for his feast day with those of St. John the Baptist for a few years, and we did a bonfire on this day. But we don't have a good space for a fire in our new home, so it made sense to shift our celebrations. This year I think it would be fun to do a lot of reading (as he is a patron of printers and publishers) and make mulled wine in memory of St. John's legendary survival of an attempt on his life via poisoned wine.

December 30 - Feast of the Holy Family

In addition to considering this the feast day for my own vocation to family life, it is the patron feast day of our parish. No big plans, just enjoying our little family and our parish family.

December 31 - New Years Eve

We might actually get some use out of our punch bowl and make some Sylvester's punch! Pope Saint Sylvester has his feast day on this last day of the year, and many traditions have been baptized "Sylvester's". The kids have been wanting to make crackers since they saw them made in Christmas on the Victorian Farm. Maybe we'll make them, but I also see a high likelihood of just buying them. 

*****************

If you would like to download a copy of the calendar for your home, you can do so here for free!

*******************

What are the big Advent hallmarks in your home? What do your December plans look like?

State of the Blog

There are some changes already happening around here, and it seems only fair to clue y'all in!

1 

Monthly evaluation

I do this thing at the end of every month where I think back and decide what worked, what didn't, and what I can change to make all parts of my life better.

It's become more formal lately, and I now have a "What should I be doing?" discernment spread in my bullet journal where I ask myself what has fed me lately and what things have stressed me lately. I use those results to develop a spread called "Make a Change in *x month*"

2 

Results

October was personally a hard month where I had to accept that a lot of things weren't working. The things that were working surprised me. I very much enjoyed doing historical research on the house, getting to craft again, and exploring with the kids.
Things that stressed me included: pursuing opportunities that were not actually open to me, lack of rest, and sacrificing time to write blog content and social media that gets minimal interaction.

3 

The Changes

I ended up with a list of 16 changes to make in November. Many are small tasks to stop procrastinating about that will lessen my stress level, but there are some big decisions.

4 

About Theater

Earlier this week I wrote about the frustrations I've had trying to get established in the theater community here in the Twin Cities. In a sense I feel a bit deceived. Everyone told me how great the theater community was here. How many shows, spaces, companies. That is true - just not for young women.

So I'm taking a break.

A temporary, at least month long, break from the audition circuit heart ache.

A year of throwing myself at that stained brick wall requires a little healing.

5 

About this Blog

I realized in the past few months that I was spending a lot of time thinking and writing about topics that were getting seen by fewer and fewer people. There was one day with a total of 6 views. 6. Site wide.
Frankly that isn't worth my time.

So for the month of November I'm only writing when I want to - not to meet a pre-defined posting schedule.

I don't write this blog for the sole exercise of writing. There are bloggers like that, but that's not me. I write for connection. I write to create a jumping off point for discussions and engagement. That's the point for me. I don't want to be shouting into the wind.

6 

The Things I Will Be Doing

When I do write it will be because something needs to pour out of my heart and mind. Those pieces seem to resonate well with people, and they get written soooooo much faster than pieces I try and force out. Seems like a win-win.

I love responding to questions or requests! That's part of why I love speaking on panels and doing Q&As. Thinking on my feet is my jam, and probably when you're going to get the most concise answer before this over-thinker over-thinks it.

I will be using the time I would have spent preparing auditions, hunting for opportunities, and writing for prayer instead. I don't just want to release lots of free time, I want to make space for good and for God. Using prayer to fill those holes keeps me from letting busy work seep into that space.

I forgot how much I enjoyed taking my kids places and exploring together. Field trips are planned to be a bigger part of our month (as counter-intuitive as that sounds with a fresh layer of snow and ice out there.) It's something that feeds all of us.

7 

I'm Still Open

This is not a Lenten fast from blogging! I'm more than happy to continue to respond to messages and  requests. I'll happily write up a post that you would like to have (there's one coming up this month already!). I want to make sure I'm helping you, not adding to your noise.

If by some amazing miracle a theater show or company comes along with an offer for me, I'll probably jump on that opportunity. It's hard not to be pessimistic about the possibility after a year of No, but it could theoretically happen.

While I'll be home a lot more, I also want to be very open for hospitality. Reach out to all those people that have been on my "You're cool and I don't see you enough" list. It's a long list, y'all. Minnesotans are cool people.

Linking up with This Ain't the Lyceum for 7 Quick Takes.

I hope you'll stick around! 

What kind of things would you like to see me write about? Is there a topic that would feed you right now? Are you making any changes in your life right now?

An Acceptable Discrimination - Because I'm a Mother

There are certain things we knowingly, and at least some what willingly, give up to become mothers. For me those were things like getting to go out to a movie with my husband on a whim and sleeping in.

What I didn't expect to give up: respect for my mind, fair consideration, and space to grow my talents.

You see I have the misfortune of having talents, gifts, and loves that just can't be done solo, in my home, during nap time. I'm an actress, dancer, and all around theater person. A fundamental part of all of those things is they must be done in community. It's the nature of the art form. That fact is my downfall.

Because I'm a mother.

Because I'm a mother it's ok to demand that I not practice my skills for five, ten, forever years. "Maybe you can come back when your last kid is in Kindergarten?"

Because I'm a mother it's acceptable to pass me by for roles that I *knew* I was a perfect fit to play. By directors that I had a great relationship with up until the point that they learned my dark secret - my three sweet babies at home.

Because I'm a mother I can't possibly be thinking correctly about the glass ceiling I'm pounding against. Trust me people, it only looks clear to you. It's a stained brick wall to me.

In the theater mothers are invisible. They are the foils, the caricatures, only existing as a figure for a man (or more likely a boy) to rile against. Mothers can come back in their own right when they are "women of a certain age". Older and wiser. Not young and new and messy and dangerous. There's no place for me in that view.

Because I'm a mother I don't see my story told.

I'm told to sit down, keep my head down, accept that some vocations are just incompatible with performing. No one ever thought to ask me what would help.

Plenty of vocations have been thought "incompatible with motherhood" before: academia, full time work, manual work, entrepreneurial work. Each of those industries have gone through a reckoning of sorts, and for many it's not over. The performing arts haven't even started.

I keep talking about it. I keep being honest to anyone and everyone when the subject of my perpetual state of audition season comes up.
My friends and family say, "That's awful."
Theater people say, "That's awful." Because this state of affairs is not even an open secret, but a known fact in the theater.
Everyone knows, but they get to do something denied to me. They get to change the subject.

They can change the subject because this doesn't really impact them.
Leaving out the experience, talents, and stories of a whole class of people? No big deal!

What really saddens me is the complete lack of desire or energy toward changing this state of affairs. How can I tell my daughters "You can grow up to be anything you want" if by "anything" I mean "things socially acceptable to be pursued by women of your demographic."
How can I let this anti-mother prejudice stand without challenge if I want to raise girls to live their callings to the fullest?

Ways you can help

• Patronize shows with equal or greater number of female and male actors. Women can't get cast without female roles, and there is a drought of roles for young women. I seriously might scream if one more theater announces a season with shows of large all-male ensembles.
• Give feedback to your local theaters asking for shows about mothers. You want to know what plays are getting done right now that involve mothering or pregnant characters? Shows about Roe v. Wade. That's right, abortion has the market on stories about mothers right now. If you think women are about more than our reproductive organs, this should concern you. 
• Familiarize yourself with great plays written by female playwrights. There are classics beyond Shakespeare and modern gems that should be more well known. Here's a great list to get you started.
• Think beyond easily distributed art forms. If you are involved in artists groups, or other groups meant to support and build awareness for artists, be they Catholic, local, whatever - include some performing artists, please? I can't tell you how many times I've reached out to Catholic artists groups, etc. and been told "We really focus on those with a product at this time." I'm glad you have space y'all, I am, but can you make some room for the rest of us too?
• Grapple with your own unacknowledged prejudices. Basically, stop thinking anything a woman is called and gifted to do is impossible to reconcile with motherhood. Just stop it. That opinion is almost always formed by a lack of experience with the possibility OR a twisted idea that other women should have to struggle as you have struggled. Either way, not ok. Don't do it.

**************

I've written about the performing arts a good bit. Here are some highlights.

******************

What have been the creative ways you have pursued your gifts and talents while living a vocation to motherhood? Have you been supported in that pursuit? What could help you?

So How Old is Amelia Hill House Anyway?

I've been doing more research on Amelia Hill House and have made a breakthrough - I tracked down the original land patent for the plot of our home!

It was bought on March 10, 1860 under the Scrip Warren Act of 1855. With help from a trusty friend with calligraphy skills, we are able to determine that there was some home (or what counted enough as a home) on the land in 1860. While the land was claimed using the War of 1812 military credentials of William Casen, it was claimed for a Henry Schmidt.

It claimed two tracts of land, totaling 160 acres. Combining with the known location of this house and the remembered history from the grand children, my best guess is the house was located in the upper tract and the fields in the lower tract.

The grandchildren say that Albert Schmidt built this house, but he wasn't born until 6 years after the land claim. I think the Henry Schmidt mentioned on the land patent is likely to be Fredrick Henry Benjamin Schmidt - Albert's father.

One of the reasons I don't think our house existed in this final form in 1860 is because Fredrick Schmidt is listed as living in the St. Anthony neighborhood of Minneapolis, with his wife and one year old baby, in 1860 by the US Census.
The vast majority of military service land claims were sold to third parties, so it is likely that Fredrick Schmidt and William Casens never knew each other.

The US Census of 1870 just lists the family as living in Minnesota, but the state census of 1875 specifies the family living in Plymouth. So at least by 1875 there was a structure here able to house a family of nine (kids ranged in age from 11 to 2 years old by then. Albert was 3.)

By 1880 the household had grown to include 3 adult farmhands, in addition to the 8 kids who now ranged from 21-5 years old. Based on that information, I'm comfortable with saying this house was largely in it's current form (minus the kitchen and bathroom additions we currently have when the house was modernized in the 1950s) by 1880, and potentially by 1875.

In this process of figuring out the house timeline, I also discovered the burial place of the founding family - and it's just down the road!

They seem to have been a founding family of the nearby Lutheran church, which makes sense considering the Fredrick Schmidt immigrated to Minnesota from Prussia, and many of the family members are buried in the old chapel cemetery.

For All Souls Day we are planning on going to say hi! Seems fitting to pay our respects if we live in their house.

Caring About It All When You Don't Have Answers

There always seems to be something, doesn't it? Always something to be outraged about, annoyed by. Something that needs correcting. It's natural to feel burned out, tuned out, and tempted to numbness. But I don't think Jesus calls his disciples to become numb to pain or to silence righteous anger. Here's five ways we can care about it all, even, and especially, when we don't have the answers.

1 Clean your own house first

It's so much easier to be angry and correct "those" people. Those others. Those guys who aren't us.
Case in point: #postcardsformacon. Yes, the French president was a misogynist jerk to make that kind of blanket claim. He should be called out on that. But I saw post after post after post about THAT and crickets about the issues in our own Catholic Church.

Was not another Catholic woman upset that in that same week as Macon's comments we had multiple comments from Bishops claiming that women can be represented at the Synod without the vote? This is a Synod talking about vocational discernment, and women make up 80% of consecrated people in the Church. But not a single one can vote?

Before we get on this comfortable pedestal about how much more enlightened we are than the French president about the value of women in all areas, we need to notice the log in our own eye.

2 Be aware of your own baggage

Are there issues that you react to without thinking critically? I sincerely doubt any person can say an honest no to that question.
We all have our own prejudices and personal orthodoxies. It's not bad to let your history and experiences shape your perception, but it is bad to not be aware of the impact of your baggage.

For instance, I know that I need to wait a beat before talking about breastfeeding. I suffered under the "breast is best" message - to the detriment of my own health and that of my first two babies. I want desperately to prevent any other woman from going through that, but I must make sure I first understand what a mother is asking when she talks to me about breastfeeding difficulties.

Sometimes she doesn't want me to say anything, she just wants to tell another human being her honest struggles. Sometimes she wants me to point her in the direction of help. Sometimes she wants someone to tell her it's ok to do something different.

If I told every woman who talks to me about her struggles with breastfeeding to "just formula feed like me!" I would be an awful friend. That is tempting, having the answer feels good, but I have to keep my own baggage in check to be present to the other person.

3 Righteous Anger is not "emoting"

There is a bias toward stoicism in Western culture. We tend to think of the sterile and detached perceptions as the correct ones. If there is a whiff of intensity, we are told to "not be so emotional".
But emotional intensity does not necessarily equal "emoting". Emotional intensity can be an appropriate reaction to a great evil.

Emotions get associated with women, non-white cultures, and other people who generally not been welcomed in the public discussion sphere. I have experienced a group policing of other's emotionally charged reactions. Because the intensity of one might impact us all.
We wouldn't want those in charge to see the true impact of their choices. Let's keep that quiet.
And then we wonder how abuse and evil could possibly have been allowed to fester.

Don't be afraid of big emotions! But harness them. Let them out and look behind them to see what is informing them. Don't train your body not to be upset about upsetting things. 

4 Others can care more than you, but you don't get to not care

Sometimes the current outrage is outside of your range of experience. That's ok.
Maybe you have not personally experienced sexual abuse or systemic discrimination. It can feel overwhelming to process the reactions of people who have experienced something so far away from your own life events.

But it's important not to let the people who have lived through something awful to confront that awfulness alone. Christians are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. It's not optional to be unaware of the evils of the world.

5 Self care is important, but do it well

Self care is a concept that I hear many women struggle to reconcile with the sheer amount of demands in their lives. Because to give something to yourself, you must take away from someone else, right?
I don't think self care has to come from a zero sum game. I think there are more choices within our days than we give ourselves license to notice. But not everything we do in the name of self care is a healthy choice.

I hear many people say they no longer keep up with news. They honestly have no idea what is going on the in the world, their city, their community. Yes, it's probably mentally healthy not to be glued to our 24-hour news cycle, but it's not community building to have it's members be oblivious to issues.

Healthy self care, like most things in life, rests in the happy, yet uncomfortable, middle. Maybe you need to take a few days set aside to not be connected to news, but then you can come back from that ready to keep your news consumption within limited hours. The goal is to avoid extremism while still being informed enough to have productive conversations that have the power to move the conversation forward. We can't do that if community members don't even know there is a problem to discuss.


All of this is not to say that there can't be diversity in our reactions, responses, and concerns.
Not every single person is called to be an organizer, a writer, a speaker, a public doer.
But we are all called to love and be connection with each other.
That calling means caring. Even when we don't want to hear it or think there is nothing we can do.

What do you wish you could see discussed more often among Catholic women? Is there something that has been sitting on your heart that you wish you could share more openly?